Month: May 2018

I had a craving for something sweet tonight. I had to pick up my son and I knew he would be hungry. So looked up how much a Dairy Queen Kids Cone would be, (8sp) and then I looked up the fudge bar (2sp). I decided to go for the Fudge bar. It was a good choice because it satisfied my sweet tooth and I still stayed on track. These are the important everyday choices that can make the difference.

That’s how it goes sometimes, these choices don’t always have to be a tremendous struggle.  I’m learning that I can be alright with making a compromise if it means having a successful week. On the other hand, I also understand how challenging it can be to stay on track when you really want something that it’s plan friendly. For me, what really matters is knowing that if I really wanted the ice cream cone, I could have eaten it. I’m not deprived I’m informed, or at least that’s how I’m feeling right now.

Learning how to say “Yes.” to somethings and “No!” to others is an important lesson for me to learn. Every day is a discovery and deepens my resolve to get to goal. How are you doing on the journey? As always, thank you for reading.

I’m trying to get myself motivated to start some projects that I’ve been putting off. It’s very hard to begin something when there is not any joy in the task. This is the part when people tend to say, “Just do it.” or “Time to put on your big girl (hoping for the smaller girl) pants…”  To all of that, I say,  “Easier said than done.”  That is why I think it’s so important to find ways to find joy along the way of this journey. A mundane task has a beginning, a middle, and an end – whereas this journey is really for the rest of my life.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UpZId6cyEgpcKXGxwhQpZQ5B_I6wu-udyPMQfwD-q7Q/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UpZId6cyEgpcKXGxwhQpZQ5B_I6wu-udyPMQfwD-q7Q/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UpZId6cyEgpcKXGxwhQpZQ5B_I6wu-udyPMQfwD-q7Q/edit

Getting started is hard but it’s worth it, I really promise it’s worth doing. I am stronger, I have more energy, and I feel as though I’m in touch with my inner power. Even though I’m not at goal yet, I am much happier and so much more confident. Goal is coming one day soon and that’s why it is very important to me that I keep finding ways to engage this process. In the past, I have come very close only to either give up or have gotten distracted and quit. This time has to be different.

I’m going to move from a 5 to 6 in the area of Mindfulness! My goal is to: begin to have a greater sense of gratitude for 5 things I take for granted this week.

Well, the first thing I learned blew me away! I never realized that the name of the bike I ride three times a week is called a Star Trac bike. That is hilarious to me since I love Star Trek so much!

That’s not the only thing I learned… I learned that the bike I’m riding may have been manufactured in India. For the most part, it’s extremely well engineered.  It came out in 2005, It’s not a great idea to buy one used from fitness centers (not that I was planning to). If I look at my bike and I see a grove is worn into the frame of the body there was an issue with the undercarriage. I’m pretty sure I ride the first generation model (although I’ll have to look on Tuesday to be certain) because I believe it reads “Spinner” not “Spinning” I assumed that engineering this bike was sophisticated but now I have a deeper appreciation for it.

You may be wondering, how will Mindfulness help? Especially when this form of Mindfulness doesn’t have a connection to food. My answer is, I’m not sure. However, I can say it feels good to be curious and appreciative of things that are part of my everyday life.  I’m still learning so I’ll share as I go!

My wish for you is that you have positive experiences on your journey.  If you want to share your stories I’m in! I would love to know how it’s going for you. As always, thank you for reading.

Weigh-in results are in…

We talked about how to turn it around when we have an off week. I spent a little time today and created a checklist. It’s a tool that is designed to help you reflect and set goals. I linked it to my TIPS & TOOLS page or you can just click here: My Weight Watchers Recovery Plan Check List If you try it let me know what you think. I’m going to use it this week – it’s the only way I can see if it’s helpful or not.

The journey continues and I am feeling really good. I’ve got a space reserved for  8:30 am Spin tomorrow. I’m officially wearing a size 6 and am only 24.2 pounds away from goal. I almost can’t believe I’m this close, and I have to say I feel a great sense of gratitude for finding my voice and for taking back control over my health. I hope your journey is progressing in a way that brings you joy. It doesn’t matter how close or far you are from goal, what matters is your frame of mind. Remember, you can do this I believe in you as much as I believe in myself.

My featured image was taken a while ago but it matches my mood. I am feeling weary because today has just been exhausting. I have worries (I know, we all do) and in the past, it would have been easy to try to distract myself by eating. I didn’t do that; instead, I am experiencing the feelings and spending some time reflecting on why I feel this way.

Some days are just hard. I am thinking about my weigh-in tomorrow and I don’t know how it will go. I hope I lose weight, and I know that if I didn’t or if I gained weight that doesn’t define me. I’m just a person doing her best and that is good enough. I believe I will get to goal.  I hope this post helps someone who is also having this kind of day. You can do this and you are worth it. If you feel tired know that you are not alone.

Sadie is resting at my side as I write this post. She has this hypnotic way of making me sleepy. She is so warm and soft and I find myself watching her breathe in deep breaths that fill her little belly, until taunt and then out in a gentle release, again and again.  Out through her sweet black nose.  In and out; in and out; in and out…  in rhymic patterns…  rising and falling. She is fully present and I am struck by that ability to be completely at peace. Perhaps that’s why we say, “It’s a dog’s life.” 

Then I think about us humans. The way we run ourselves ragged. Every day the race is on, you know what I mean? I began my day running out of the house to get to spin. Running to get to work. Running to drive my son to AP review. Running back to pick up him up from AP review. Running from the high school to the bank, then to Walgreens to buy a card. Running back home to make dinner and pre-pack and track breakfast and lunch for tomorrow.  The race is more like a marathon sprint and it’s still not done there is so much to do. Typical, almost frantic energy, that gets me through it.  All while I drink coffee, I chew gum, I listen to the radio, I play Netflix in the background just to keep myself going.

I really want to feel confident and have energy. I really want to be healthy.

So many points in this bag… but what do I want right now versus what do I really want.

I understand why people have a hard time trying to make lifestyle changes. There is just so much to do that it’s easy to let this slip lower and lower on the list until it’s completely gone. I see a teacher at work who has lost a tremendous amount of weight who is slowly gaining it back. She is a smart, talented woman who works really hard. She has a family and I totally understand this pattern lose weight, gain weight. I understand because I share that history. I hope she will figure it out for herself. We all know no one can do that work for you. That’s why this is a journey and not a destination. There is no arrival here, there is only the search for a better way of living our lives.

Yesterday, I received some bad news. My son’s former cub scout leader passed away. Our boys are now in 10th grade and I can’t begin to imagine the pain and grief that his family is feeling right now. This man made an important contribution to my son’s life. He was kind, he was generous, he taught the boys how to be responsible and thoughtful. We will be forever grateful that we had him in our lives – he made an impact on us all.

I think the best thing we can do is to make the most of our time while we have it. Perhaps how to best spend that time, comes to us by paying attention to small moments, and by reflecting on the many many relationships (big and small) that create the constructs for how we live our lives. Let’s just help each other be the best version of ourselves. This is the kind of world I want to live in. One where I live it in the best possible healthiest me I can deliver. Sound good? Well then, join me.

Learning Communities went really well. I was able to highlight lead teachers and celebrated their work with students. It was also a great assessment of where we are in terms of the implementation of workshop teaching. Workshop teaching is a more responsive way to teach and it requires a huge investment in terms of professional learning. This is what I do, I train teachers and work with students. Often times, I am placed in vulnerable situations and it can be exhausting. Why do this? I believe work is meant to stretch us to new levels and that just goes with the territory when we put ourselves out there. So, let’s just say I’m feeling a little “stretched out” right now! Just the same it’s a relief that it went so well…

I feel different today. I don’t feel hungry at all. I reserved a bike in spin class tomorrow morning (5:15 am) and that makes me feel so good. I am going to bed by 11:00 pm because getting enough sleep is as important as tracking and measuring out my food and getting regular activity. This is a lifestyle change, not a weight loss gimmick. I am changing my life for the better, I am really doing it, and I feel so much more authentic. I feel like I was lost for a long time and I’m finally coming back home to my true self.  Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts about your own journeys.  We are truly better together and there is no reason why we all can’t get to goal. Believe it and it will happen.

Appreciating beauty makes the journey even better.

It’s been rough since I came home from work. I ran out to bring my son to martial arts. I came home to cook dinner and pre-pack/track my lunch and breakfast.  My husband ran my daughter up to school. Dinner finished cooking while he was out. Again, I was starving so I gobbled up my dinner, (turkey kielbasa with peppers and onions 9sp). I wanted dessert so I had some frozen fat-free Cool Whip (7sp). I now feel a little too full for the second night in a row.

I have a lot of work to do, and it feels a little overwhelming right now. Plus, I have to go out and buy snacks for learning community (professional development) – yes tonight. I am a little stressed because I will be providing professional development with teachers all day tomorrow. I will be working in and out of classrooms and will be holding collegial discussions about instructional practice. I am part of a great team of teachers, I know it will be a good experience, but it’s still stressful.

There is a storm rolling in.

The skies are dark and foreboding

Combining stress and (internal) hunger is a perfect storm. It’s hard to sort out which is which and it’s easy to overindulge both. I must say that it helps to reflect here and think it through. I keep thinking of my social media friends who have shared their stories. They are similar, busy professionals who want to make a lifestyle change but feel stuck. Maybe stuck isn’t the right word, maybe the word is restrained. We are held back by all the other “stuff” that life brings with it. We are in families, we are friends, we are professionals, we are citizens. There are so many roles we fill and within those roles, so many “have to’s”  We have to cook. We have to grocery shop. We have to be there for our friends. We have to work, work, work. We have to vote (I voted YES on my school budget today).  So with all that it’s easy to forget about ourselves and what we need…

The skies are dark and foreboding

I need this. I need to get to goal. That’s what makes this time different. I am going to get to goal because I am ME and I have to take care of myself too. I matter and I am enough.

It took a long time for dinner to cook and that presented a problem for me. I was really hungry. I tried to make a smart choice when I decided to have a snack. I had a serving of turkey pepperoni and low-fat Cracker Barrel Cheese (4sp). I could have been more mindful while eating though. I think I ate it too quickly, and by the time dinner was ready I was still feeling hungry.  My dinner was a healthy choice: pork tenderloin, potatoes, and mixed vegetables (9sp) I could have waited a while before having dessert. Then I had two Weight Watchers Peanut Butter  Carmel Bars (8sp).  I gave my son the last one. I have decided that I won’t be buying those again because, although they were good, they were not worth all those points.

I went on a walk after work with my husband. Spring has certainly sprung!

I’m not perfect, thank goodness that’s too much pressure! As I reflect on today I am really happy that I took the time to examine my behaviors and food choices. I could have been more mindful and I could have planned out dinner better. It’s not good to that I felt so famished. On the positive side, I did stay within a “blue dot” zone.

My final thoughts are this, I know, all too well, that there are subtle choices that can make the difference between staying on track or going off the rails. When I make this about good or bad; right or wrong I start to set myself up for a fall. When I take time and reflect on what did, what I might have done better, and what I did well I take ownership of my choices. This is what living life on plan looks like, or at least what it looks like for me. I hope you had a good day and I thank you for joining me on the journey.

I begin today’s post to pay homage to all women who play an important role in the lives of others. There are so many different kinds of relationships that make an impact and that is how we build a better world.  I also want to remember my mother, Fran. My siblings and I were blessed to have a strong, smart, beautiful mom who loved us without limits.  She was loved, and is missed mightily, and is kept in my heart and mind – she made me and my sister the women we are today and we learned how to be moms from the best.

Virginia and me

Mother’s Day 2018

Mom and James

I woke up this morning to read a heartwarming Twitter message that I wanted to share with you here. She said I could share it here and I am so grateful for this beautiful gesture of generosity:

Hi Jen, my name is… and you are so inspiring! I fell upon your weight loss blog post that had to do with signs – it was a sign that I came across it! Although I haven’t read all of your days, I was wondering if you have gone off the diet/messed up yet. If not, how have you been able to stay the course? If so, what helped you get back on? I basically gave up trying to lose weight last year until a month ago, when I realized it’s blocking me from dating and finding love. I have started working out again on my elliptical- have done it 6 times now for 40 minutes! I eat well until the weekend. I’m a single mom, teacher, and going to college to get my ESOL endorsement. Life gets busy fast and I get behind. Thank you for any advice you have. Well done on your progress!!! Bravo!!!

This is an accomplished woman who is taking on huge life goals. She is working, going to school pursuing a very challenging endorsement process, and raising a child. Yes, she is taking on a lot, so how can there be room to include weight loss to the mix? This is something she really wants, so why shouldn’t she have this too?

Here is what I am coming to know, day 253 into my journey. I don’t view this as a diet and I realize that it is a matter of semantics but I believe words have immense power to shape my reality. The word diet has a negative connotation for me. It implies something temporary and it makes this endeavor into a yes/no scenario. I’ve done diets and failed. The thing is, I understand that I will always have to be intentional about food. So since it’s for the rest of my life this is a lifestyle change, weight loss is an extension of that choice.

I became crystal clear about my why. I have written so often about my why because it is such an important part of this process.  I want to feel like me again. I want my energy back, I don’t want to be physically older than my age. I want to be more confident in my own skin. How could I make this happen? I decided to look at myself as I would one of my students. I want to learn how to change my lifestyle yet boatloads of data show that this is a difficult change to make.  How could I do it? I decided to reflect on what my strengths were… I have always been a good student. So I took that same energy that I applied to schooling and focused it on learning how to create healthy changes. I set small goals that worked towards achieving the long-term goal. All of these little victories helped me to experience success. Success leads to success.

Too many points 6sp

Better choice 4sp

Dinner 9sp

Leftovers took off 2sp

There have been difficult days. I am still working on discerning the difference between hunger and emotions. I have had to tweak how much I eat to feel satisfied, not full, satisfied. Some days I have eaten a little too much; some days I have not eaten quite enough. I’m still learning. I always have to weigh, measure, and track my food. My husband thinks it’s funny but I call myself a “food pharmacist” because I’m that precise.  This is my truth, my process – this is just what is working for me. I need to be on this if I am going to be successful it may not be true in the same way for someone else.

I needed to build a robust community of others that would support me and who I could help support in return. This is why, for me, Weight Watchers was my best option.  I wanted to do this in a healthy safe way, and they have the research to back up their program. If you follow the plan you will definitely lose weight; however, it’s the internal thought process that makes long-lasting change. My internal voice is a kind and generous one. When I turn kindness inward I get a sense of love and acceptance and I need that because it takes a lot of effort to make this happen. I don’t want you to think that it’s always hard because there are peaks and valleys to this process. It’s just that it helps to be kind to yourself along the way.

So here are my top ten tips

1. Don’t think of this as a diet it’s a lifestyle change
2. Understand your why
3. Use your strengths to define the journey
4. Set small goals because they will bring you to your ultimate goal
5. Monitor your hunger (external/internal)
6. Weigh, measure and track your food.
7. Get in activity that you enjoy
8. Find a weight loss plan that is proven to be safe (it’s a good idea to get a physical)
9. Find a community that will support you and that you can support
10. Always be kind and generous to yourself

My last words are to those of you who have reached out through social media. Thank you for trusting me with your stories, and thank you for letting me share mine. The stories we write for ourselves matter because they have the potential to become our reality. Please stay in touch, because I as much as I want this for myself I want it for you as well. Anyone who wants to change their lives for the better is a worthy cause and that is something I truly admire. More tomorrow…

Saturday is weigh-in day…

My Weight Watchers meeting focused on diversion eating today.  Diversion eating is when we eat because either we’re bored or procrastinating. I can relate. More so with the procrastination end. Whenever I have a big project to do, or it’s something I’m dreading, I do tend to procrastinate. In my past eating has been part of that scenario. This is not helpful. I now recognize that habit for what it is – a poor coping mechanism. The thing is, once you see something for what it really is, it is almost impossible to un-see it and that helps to change a bad habit.

One job I don’t love doing is dusting my curio cabinet (aka my featured image). I didn’t procrastinate I just did it and I did feel a sense of relief and satisfaction about a job well done once it was finished. I wonder, what are somethings you have to do that causes you to procrastinate? Have you ever had an episode of diversion eating?

What can you do instead of eating?  My leader, Bonnie shared this article with us today and I thought it was pretty interesting. It’s from Women’s Health and its title is 100 Things You Can Do Instead of Eating Mindlessly

Thank you for all the support and care many of you have shown to me. I really appreciate your messages, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I do not think I could travel this journey alone More tomorrow…