Don’t Give Up…

How are you all doing? Are you feeling ok? How’s it going with your weight loss/ health goals? You may be thinking, “Wait, who are you again?” or maybe, “Well, where has she been?” If you are feeling abandoned, or if you are thinking I’m a fraud because of this long absence, all I can say is I’m sorry.

I have been in the weight loss/healthy lifestyle dungeon. Held there by shackles of my own design, constructed by my fears, my loss of control, and self-doubt.

My fears…

Don’t underestimate the fear factor. It’s rooted in biology, and there are other blogs that are far more capable than I to explain it. See: AJMC What is important here is to understand that fear is not just in the mind it is in our bodies, our hormones and it can shape perspectives from the inside out. I have been afraid since March, and I am still afraid. The result of this is that there have been so many starts and stops with my efforts to maintain my healthy lifestyle. I’m ready to try again. Here are the big three actions I’m taking to deal with my fear:

  • Increase foods with Omega-3 fatty acids
  • Exercise daily at least for 20 minutes
  • Practice nighttime rituals to get more rest

Loss of Control…

When I look back on my success with weight loss, the common feature was my ability to take control over the situation. I could wake up at 4:30 am to go to early morning Spin. I packed my meals, I prepped my foods with (relatively) little distraction. I could reward myself with a trip to TJMaxx for a new outfit, a nice dinner out, or a manicure. Now, I realize just feeling safe inside a food store or a gym class was a luxury. My sense of control, and the kinds of rewards I get from weight loss are stripped down to just this:

  • I can control my actions to better my health, and my reward for that is a healthy body and mind to get me through these difficult times.

Self-Doubt…

The struggle is real, and I have felt like an imposter more times than I can count since the pandemic began. Self-doubt has clouded my sense of accomplishment and has diminished my resolve to keep going. I have imagined waking up with all the weight back. That has not happened, but I have gained weight since March. Now, is the time to believe in me and I am very grateful that I am the kind of person who has the resilience to fight off the self-doubt and keep going.

Finding My Way…

I made some changes. I am following the #purple plan on WW. This plan offers the most zero SmartPoint foods. I need to feed my body nutrient rich foods right now, and this plan is designed to help people eat more whole foods. Since I started following the Purple Plan I am finding that I am not hungry at all. Another change, I am riding my bicycle, and walking my dog. The reward I get is not the same as Spin, I don’t feel that mellow muscle burn that I really loved after doing these activities.My reward is knowing that I got to be in the sunshine, I breathed fresh air, and was present in my neighborhood. The last change, I am being very honest and open with my friends and family about how I’m feeling. If it is not a good day, I don’t pretend that it is. I am letting myself experience all my feelings and this is helping me.

If you are reading this and find yourself identifying with anything I have written today, at least you know you are not alone. Weight loss is difficult under the best of circumstances, so if it is not going so well, please be kind to yourself. Don’t give up.

Day One…

If you are reading this and are like, “Oh no, day one again? I feel so bad for her, she is really struggling.” then I promise you – you are missing the point. Even though it is a struggle right now, this is not about the struggle. It is about the deep need to get back to goal. I am doing the work to to get my healthy lifestyle back in balance. Losing weight, committing to a healthy lifestyle is something that requires ongoing dedication and care. On its surface it doesn’t seem like it should be such a big deal. The truth is for many people it isn’t, they are able to manage this part of their lives with ease. Not me, I am still have a lot to learn.

In the spirit of learning, I participated in Oprah’s Your Life in Focus: A Vision Forward this morning. It was helpful, and I took quite a lot with me, Here are some of the words of wisdom I plan on keeping in my back pocket as I get back on track:

  1. “In this moment, I am well.”
  2. “Commitment is a daily thing.”
  3. “To act with consistency. and intentionality is the way.”
  4. “I will give to myself then give to others.”
  5. “Will this choice move me forward?”
  6. “I have decided to make a change.”
  7. “Name it (your goals) be specific.”
  8. “When somebody who has loved you, given birth to you, seeded you passes, their spirit abides with your spirit. If you allow yourself to stay open you have an angel you call by name.”

Day Seven…

The word “glimpse” is tugging at my thoughts today. Not as a noun but as a verb: to see or perceive briefly or partially. A noun is fixed but a verb moves. A verb indicates action, a verb is life in the motion. A glimpse can be easily dismissed because they happen so quickly; however, when people are fully present in their actions a glimpse can be a cause for celebration. I wonder about all the people who are on a weight loss journey like me, what glimpses are they catching along the way?

In the mornings when I wake up, I catch a glimpse of that familiar energy that came from the many days of living a healthy lifestyle. My head is clear, I am just the tiniest bit hungry, and I feel ready to take on the day. In that way, that momentary perception that could be easily overlooked, but when I catch it, it encourages me to keep going.

I am going to celebrate the small victories and just say that I am hopeful for tomorrow’s weigh-in.

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Q: Quarantine – is a strength word for me because this situation is teaching me how to be more flexible. It was not the spin classes or attending in-person workshops that made my weight loss goals successful. It was me.

Got a Good Thing Going…

Many people are experiencing success on their weight loss journey and I am one of them, I lost 4 pounds this week! Many members of my WW community are losing weight and feeling so energized. One positive affirmation I walked away with came from Maria, who lost 6.9 pounds this week:

When it’s going good your spirits feel higher.

Maria

She said that so well because this is what I’ve found to be true also. When everything starts to click there is this sense of wellbeing that takes over. There is a shift in the energy you feel about eating healthy, getting activity, and having a growth mindset.

Between going to my WW workshop, finding out I lost weight, and having a low SmartPoint breakfast when I got home, I am starting the weekend off on a high. I want to keep that going, so here is my plan to setup myself up for success again this week…

Food

  • Plan a menu of options for the week
  • Prep vegetables, fruits, and snacks ahead of time
  • Weigh, measure, and track

Activity

  • Outdoor activity three times this week
  • Classes at the gym three times this week
  • Record all my activity using my tracker

Mindset

  • Use kind self talk every day
  • Reread blog posts for positive stories click here for one
  • Reflect every day through blogging
Crazy it’s 55 degrees in January in NY state!

Happy Halloween…

October has been a rough month for me in terms of weight loss. I struggled and now I am going to feel great going to bed knowing that I made through the day without eating Halloween candy. One day at a time one meal at a time. All I can do is stay engaged and do my best. Here I am doing my best lol…

How I would feel if I ate all the candy I wanted

Day Seven…

Ugh. Not such a great day. It started out very strong, but I didn’t end so well. I don’t want to beat myself up, but I also don’t want to say it’s ok. I want to be kind, and I want to be stern at the same time. I don’t know why I messed up. I weigh in tomorrow and now I feel like all the good work I did will be for nothing. I sabotaged myself and I don’t know why. I’m not feeling a lot of positivity over here so I don’t even know what else to say about it.

I can say that at least I’m being honest, and owning my mistakes. I didn’t just write about something else. I am also weighing in tomorrow and I’m going to deal with the full impact that today’s choices will bring me tomorrow. I know what to do and I can do better.

Day Fourteen…

This week’s WW mantra was, “I am unstoppable.” Thinking about this statement makes me feel disingenuous because that doesn’t capture how I’m feeling. It’s not to say, I feel weak or that I’m going to slip into old habits, and gain back my weight. It’s more to say, this process is complicated, and that win/lose mentality doesn’t really inspire me to keep going (for me) this statement makes it feel like a fight.

I prefer not to think of my weight loss journey as a fight. Exhaustion is the word that comes to mind. For me, this journey is one of self reflection and discovery. I’m trying to pull away from my attachments to food and achieve a higher state of wellbeing. To me, that sounds more doable than being “unstoppable” – it’s just me and shouldn’t be considered a judgement on anyone else’s journey or perspective. Whatever works, right?

Revisiting Success…

This post was from August 24, 2018 – it’s good read my own words and think about my journey…

The day before weigh-in is here and I’m pretty sure I will go up on the scale tomorrow.  This was a challenging week because I felt the pull of old habits,

  •  wanting to turn to food after having stressful encounters.
  •  strong food cravings for ice cream, and pizza.
  •  picking at foods and thinking about not tracking.

Any of these could have triggered for old habits. That is why it is important that I take some time for reflection and self-care. It all comes down to food, activity, and feelings.

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Food: I exceeded my weekly points balance. I was craving sugar for most of this week. I think it’s because I overindulged at my nephew’s party. I ate sugary foods and that’s not typical for me anymore. Over the course of the week, I ate two and a quarter of those delicious scones. At the party, I ate a quarter of one, then I ate a whole one on Monday, and the last one, Tuesday. Also, during the party, I ate two small pieces of cake. Then I had a slice (2 ounces) of cake last night for my husband’s birthday.  I did track it all, so that’s how I know I’m over my weekly allotment of extra points.

Activity: I went to spin class two days this week: Sunday and Thursday.  The classes were really good and I am feeling much stronger. I also did yoga two times, Monday, and Friday. Yoga is very good for me because it is making me feel more flexible, strong, and balanced. I love that I enjoy doing these activities and that doing them, is becoming part of my self-identity. I am also enjoying the Polar Heart Monitor I got for my birthday. It is a tool that is helping me to work way more efficiently and it gives me great insight for training while making me more self-aware.

Feelings: Right now, I feel really empowered. I saw the potential to fall back into old habits before it actually happened. I saw it coming and went in a different direction.  I elected not to turn to food when feeling stressed. That’s a big deal. I tracked, weighed and measured all the foods I ate. There was not unconscious eating, I tracked even when I didn’t want to face it. That’s a big deal too. I disrupted my habit loop. So, even if I go up on the scale tomorrow, I learned something vital. I am in control of me.

There is no mystery or superstition at play here. There are only my choices.  My choices that are rooted in my “why”. I am doing all of this so I can feel good about myself physically and mentally. I want to grow wiser about who I really am living an energetic lifestyle. It is very important to me that I enter this next phase of my life with a sense of grace and gratitude for the body that got me here.  Thank you for listening to my story. I encourage you to write yours as well because it really does help. Wishing you joy on the journey.

#SelfLoveChallenge

DAY 23: Revisit (and do) an activity that you loved as a child, whether it is finger painting, playing a sport or a video game, Rollerblading, or twirling.

Hands down, it’s riding my bicycle.  I’m going for a bike ride at some point today!

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Learning to Trust..

I picked on two pieces of Dove Chocolate tonight. I wasn’t hungry I was making my lunch to get ready for tomorrow and just ate them. What the heck? Now, I have a little remorse. I am happy to share that I did track them so I kept myself accountable (4 Sp). It was a long day and I guess I just wanted a little sweetness.

This journey is a long one and I don’t want to spend it feeling guilty or inadequate because of one choice. This is a process and I am learning to trust it and myself.

My Kindness Mantra…

You are worth all the effort maintaining weight loss takes. It is ok to take time to plan, to weigh and measure foods, to focus on you and what is important to you. The stronger you are, the better you can take care of yourself and everyone else that relies on you.

In times of stress and worry it’s easy to put your needs on the back burner. Try not to do that, because you are important too. Treat yourself as you would someone who you really love. Self-love is not selfish – it is kindness turned inward. You can do this and just remember how remarkable you are.

This note is for me, and you. Weight loss is a difficult thing, maintaining it is also difficult, so remember that if you get down on yourself. You are doing something difficult but it’s something you are doing just for yourself.