Ugh. Not such a great day. It started out very strong, but I didn’t end so well. I don’t want to beat myself up, but I also don’t want to say it’s ok. I want to be kind, and I want to be stern at the same time. I don’t know why I messed up. I weigh in tomorrow and now I feel like all the good work I did will be for nothing. I sabotaged myself and I don’t know why. I’m not feeling a lot of positivity over here so I don’t even know what else to say about it.
I can say that at least I’m being honest, and owning my mistakes. I didn’t just write about something else. I am also weighing in tomorrow and I’m going to deal with the full impact that today’s choices will bring me tomorrow. I know what to do and I can do better.
This week’s WW mantra was, “I am unstoppable.” Thinking about this statement makes me feel disingenuous because that doesn’t capture how I’m feeling. It’s not to say, I feel weak or that I’m going to slip into old habits, and gain back my weight. It’s more to say, this process is complicated, and that win/lose mentality doesn’t really inspire me to keep going (for me) this statement makes it feel like a fight.
I prefer not to think of my weight loss journey as a fight. Exhaustion is the word that comes to mind. For me, this journey is one of self reflection and discovery. I’m trying to pull away from my attachments to food and achieve a higher state of wellbeing. To me, that sounds more doable than being “unstoppable” – it’s just me and shouldn’t be considered a judgement on anyone else’s journey or perspective. Whatever works, right?
This post was from August 24, 2018 – it’s good read my own words and think about my journey…
The day before weigh-in is here and I’m pretty sure I will go up on the scale tomorrow. This was a challenging week because I felt the pull of old habits,
wanting to turn to food after having stressful encounters.
strong food cravings for ice cream, and pizza.
picking at foods and thinking about not tracking.
Any of these could have triggered for old habits. That is why it is important that I take some time for reflection and self-care. It all comes down to food,activity, and feelings.
Food: I exceeded my weekly points balance. I was craving sugar for most of this week. I think it’s because I overindulged at my nephew’s party. I ate sugary foods and that’s not typical for me anymore. Over the course of the week, I ate two and a quarter of those delicious scones. At the party, I ate a quarter of one, then I ate a whole one on Monday, and the last one, Tuesday. Also, during the party, I ate two small pieces of cake. Then I had a slice (2 ounces) of cake last night for my husband’s birthday. I did track it all, so that’s how I know I’m over my weekly allotment of extra points.
Activity: I went to spin class two days this week: Sunday and Thursday. The classes were really good and I am feeling much stronger. I also did yoga two times, Monday, and Friday. Yoga is very good for me because it is making me feel more flexible, strong, and balanced. I love that I enjoy doing these activities and that doing them, is becoming part of my self-identity. I am also enjoying the Polar Heart Monitor I got for my birthday. It is a tool that is helping me to work way more efficiently and it gives me great insight for training while making me more self-aware.
Feelings: Right now, I feel really empowered. I saw the potential to fall back into old habits before it actually happened. I saw it coming and went in a different direction. I elected not to turn to food when feeling stressed. That’s a big deal. I tracked, weighed and measured all the foods I ate. There was not unconscious eating, I tracked even when I didn’t want to face it. That’s a big deal too. I disrupted my habit loop. So, even if I go up on the scale tomorrow, I learned something vital. I am in control of me.
There is no mystery or superstition at play here. There are only my choices. My choices that are rooted in my “why”. I am doing all of this so I can feel good about myself physically and mentally. I want to grow wiser about who I really am living an energetic lifestyle. It is very important to me that I enter this next phase of my life with a sense of grace and gratitude for the body that got me here. Thank you for listening to my story. I encourage you to write yours as well because it really does help. Wishing you joy on the journey.
I picked on two pieces of Dove Chocolate tonight. I wasn’t hungry I was making my lunch to get ready for tomorrow and just ate them. What the heck? Now, I have a little remorse. I am happy to share that I did track them so I kept myself accountable (4 Sp). It was a long day and I guess I just wanted a little sweetness.
This journey is a long one and I don’t want to spend it feeling guilty or inadequate because of one choice. This is a process and I am learning to trust it and myself.
You are worth all the effort maintaining weight loss takes. It is ok to take time to plan, to weigh and measure foods, to focus on you and what is important to you. The stronger you are, the better you can take care of yourself and everyone else that relies on you.
In times of stress and worry it’s easy to put your needs on the back burner. Try not to do that, because you are important too. Treat yourself as you would someone who you really love. Self-love is not selfish – it is kindness turned inward. You can do this and just remember how remarkable you are.
This note is for me, and you. Weight loss is a difficult thing, maintaining it is also difficult, so remember that if you get down on yourself. You are doing something difficult but it’s something you are doing just for yourself.
After attending my WW meeting this morning, I am left thinking about some important issues. Today’s conversation reminded me that even though I am healthy and fit, I still have a lot of issues to work out. This week has been a challenging one for me, and there were times when I didn’t track, weigh, and measure my food and that is concerning to me. Maybe that’s why the group’s discussion lead me and another member to talk about what it is like to feel a loss of control over the process. We talked about the fear of “gaining it all back” and (for me) the public shame that would accompany that if it were to happen.
Gaining back the weight is a common fate for so many of us. Here is the thing, I think one reason that may happen is because once the weight is off it feels as if the problem is solved. In reality, the problem that caused the weight gain is most certainly not “solved”. I know because I can see some patterns now that were more elusive to me in my past. Now I see that most times, when I start picking and eating food mindlessly, it’s usually a stress response. Sometimes, when I feel like I need some kind of external comfort I turn to food, it’s a conditioned response. A coping mechanism that provides some relief in the short term but in the long term really hurts me. To some of you these insights may not seem like big revelations; however, they are for me personally. That’s what matters.
Weight loss and maintaining it is really difficult. Some days are harder than others. I tell you this because I don’t want anyone reading these posts to think I’ve got this all figured out. I don’t want anyone thinking it’s easy for me, or that I have the benefit of some special talent for this. It’s not that I have some kind of secret that I can sell. I write these posts to inspire myself and hopefully anyone else who decides to read them.
So here comes the inspirational part of my post for today. There is so much we can do to help ourselves be successful, we have a lot of power. Accessing this power in times of need comes down to three simple steps:
Take a beat to engage self-awareness over what is happening in the moment allowing yourself to become mindful of your actions, thoughts, and feelings. Think of it as being a quiet observer.
Then take aim and be strategic by executing control over something. Select one thing to say yes or no to and see how that makes you feel. Be thoughtful and present be mindful.
Win, lose, or draw make a choice. It doesn’t really matter if the choice you make is good for your weight loss efforts or hinders them. The point here is that by acting mindfully you are waking yourself up to a making an informed choice.
The word mindful is key to this recovery plan but it is not synonymous with success. The function here is to uncover what you’re doing so you can think about why the behavior is happening.
Goals provide some structure and help me get a sense of achievement. Since weight loss can be a slow process goals are the things that make me feel like I’m making progress. Goals are good and that’s the truth.
What happens when goals get away from me? I made goal setting my focus for this week and the truth is I wasn’t too successful. I can’t wait for my points to roll over and to start again. Stress was a major bummer this week and that had an impact. My goal was very numbers based – looking to rollover a range of points, focusing on losses on the scale – all of that didn’t help my frame of mind. So I have to really think about what I goal want to set for myself this next week. I want my goal to focus on self-care because I feel like I could use some TLC.
So many times when we see the word goals we see checks and lists and linear charts pointing skyward. The thing is a goal is not a linear path, it’s not a checklist. If a goal were easy it wouldn’t even be a goal it would be a task. Goals are meant to stretch us to grow. Growth is not easy, or fast. Growth involves making mistakes and reassessing, and trying again. Growth involves some pain alongside the glory. So even though I set some goals this week that didn’t come to fruition it doesn’t mean that I just give up, it means that I have more work to do and that I should try again. It means I need a new plan and it’s really important that I figure out why the first plan didn’t work. So cheers to trying again (with a new plan) and I hope this week I make it.
Revising a goal doesn’t mean I failed, it means I reflected. There is a difference. Sometimes I set goals that sound good, but in reality are not so practical. It’s been a stressful week for me and I don’t really want to be so hard on myself.
Even though I will not make my goals this week, I have not rolled over any points, and I have exceeded my weeklies to boot. i have had some good moments. Saying no to second helpings, being mindful about my choices, and reflecting on when I gave into cravings. I believe this is how I will continue to grow.
Being mindful means becoming more aware within the moment of doing something. I’d like to work on that as part of my goals. I think being more aware of my internal and external experiences would help me on this weight loss journey. Becoming more present and mindful would deter overeating because overeating is an escape. Mindfulness is like the exact opposite trying to escape. This is just what I’m thinking about.