You decided to take some steps to improve your health, that’s something to celebrate. If you’re watching your diet, moving more, getting preventive visits in with your doctor, taking vitamins, buying organic, or just taking a daily supplement it all counts! Time is a real bully when it comes to establishing healthy habits because the ultimate goal may seem far off – for real. But… it’s the work we do today that brings it closer to tomorrow and that’s for real too. Time goes by either way so what are you going to do? Listen to that negative self-talk? Don’t do it. Listen to me instead, and I’m telling you, you’re amazing! Whatever you’re up to today, keep this verve going. Stoke it like a burning fire that motivates you to keep making the choices that will serve you and your goals. You got this.
Happy New Year readers! The holidays have come and gone, and looking back it seems I’ve been collecting unpublished blog posts in my Drafts Folder. This one is different. It is different because this post is inspired by friendship…
Here is the story, I began a conversation in a group text of friends to complete a challenge: let’s share one positive thing we have done for ourselves or for others for the first two weeks of 2024. Christening the new year with shared positivity felt like it would manifest even more of it for the coming year. My friends agreed, and soon after we all started sharing photos and accomplishments to cheer each other on.
Today, my friend Keri suggested that we make three lists: What will you leave in 2023? What will you take with you from 2023? What will you start in 2024? I love this idea, so I figured I would share my lists, and gift my friend’s idea to any of you who might want to use these questions as a way to reflect on your lives.
What will you leave in 2023?
Trying to please everyone
Overthinking possible outcomes
Expending too much energy on negative people
Picking apart my physical appearance
Procrastinating
Avoiding hard conversations
What will you take with you from 2023?
Spending time with my sister
Daily weigh-ins
Drinking 64 ounces of water each day
Food tracking
Exercising every day
Meal planning
Mindful eating
Attending Weight Watcher meetings
Reading for pleasure
Writing blogs
Decluttering
Walking Sadie with Dave
My sense of humor
What will you start in 2024?
Keep to a weekly budget
Get up earlier during the workweek
Practice active listening every day
Strength training
What will this year bring? That is the mystery that has yet to unfold. So in the meantime, I want to spend my time focusing on loving my friends and family and continuing to strive for personal growth, knowing that this life is a gift.
Yesterday began with a hearty breakfast after my Saturday morning Weight Watchers meeting. We discussed how important it is to make our healthy lifestyle choices be sustainable. If we want to live the rest of our lives eating healthy, then we have to learn how to eat what we want but within limits. Feeling inspired, and thinking about the Belgam Waffles in my freezer as featured in yesterday’s social media post to my group:
I was satisfied, and really felt proud of myself, go me! I can eat what I love and still lose weight. Later in the day, I was feeling hungry again – I did a quick body check and it was legitimate internal hunger:
I walked into the kitchen and there on the toaster were the bakery cookies that were left over from my son’s birthday party Thursday night. I stood there thinking, “You’re going out to dinner with friends later. If you eat a cookie that means you are going to have to balance it out with a lighter dinner choice. You are going to see a show too – which means you may want a fancy cocktail…” Even after all that thinking, I was reminded by the meeting – “if this is going to be sustainable (for the rest of your life) if you want cookies you need to be able to work them in.” I tracked and ate four bakery cookies.
Of course, that wasn’t a strategic choice, it was an emotional choice. I was watching a Halloween show, and I wanted the cookies. I wanted that sense of sweetness and Halloween at that moment. I knew what I was doing and I was alright with my choice.
All would have worked out except, when I did go to dinner later, the food was not good, so I really ate very little. I went to the show Beautiful (it was so great if you have not seen this musical and you love Carol King, do see it). Once there, I did get a lovely seasonal cocktail with a fancy apple slice and Tito’s vodka that also went into my tracker. But, by the time I got home hours later, I was very hungry! And because I was so hungry, I did not handle that situation as well as I could have. I ate a bowl of cereal with skim milk, two enlightened bars, and 2 bags of Utz Halloween Pretzels with 3 thin slices of smoked gouda cheese. In the end, I felt a bit defeated and went to bed.
This honest reflection of my day and real awareness is the thing I want to celebrate this morning. In the past that could have been way worse. Worse, because I would have had a blind spot to what I was doing, and I would have most certainly eaten more. That would have been followed by a great deal of shame for being so weak. Now I see that it’s not weakness it was genuine unchecked hunger.
I have one more thing to share. Many years ago I read Geneen Roth’s book, Women, Food, and God, her Eating Guidelines were a game changer for me:
“The Eating Guidelines 1. Eat when you are hungry. 2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car. 3. Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music. 4. Eat what your body wants. 5. Eat until you are satisfied. 6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others. 7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.”
If you have a curious mind, you may want to try eating mindfully today. If your experience is like mine, you may find it’s easier to tell when you’ve eaten enough. You may also be more aware of the physical sensations of what you’re eating feeling more present during the experience.
Who doesn’t love instant gratification? Getting what you want when you want it, is the best. This statement is more than an opinion, it reflects the true nature of the human brain. We have a genuine bias for getting an immediate reward. For many, bad habits thrive on instant gratification, and, over time, that can lead to a negative outcome. Dessert every night is appealing but (that will most assuredly) impact a weight loss journey. There is no joy in foregoing dessert but it will have a positive impact on the ultimate goal – losing weight. It all seems very unfair
Here is a tip to share that may remedy unhelpful habits. Making your day-to-day helpful habits pleasurable in some way. James Clear says, “Pleasure teaches your brain that a behavior is worth remembering and repeating.” (pg. 185 Atomic Habits) and I have to say, I have found this to be true…
This pill case is the cue to take my vitamins.
I like the colors of the pill case, and I enjoy unscrewing the top one and moving it to the bottom after taking my vitamins. This is an easy-to-do habit that gives me a little boost. I like the little pun on my lunchbox, it makes me smile. Closing the rings on my Apple Watch is very motivating to me, and I really like getting special badges. I enjoy spinning, and I like to join challenges on my Peloton. It makes me feel like I’m in a class, and the personal reward is to complete it.
All these small habits are defining who I am, and I am a person who lives a healthy lifestyle. I am not at goal (yet) but I’m already living the lifestyle. Making healthy habits both positive and visible is a game changer. Try it for yourself.
People are noticing my weight loss. It’s nice to know others think I’m looking good. Feeling more confident, and happy with my appearance is definitely part of this journey for me. I feel physically better like it’s easier to move, I feel stronger, and I have more energy. That is something I am very grateful for.
My habits are ticking along and require very little effort on my part. I’m in the zone and I can promise you that if you dedicate yourself to habits, that serve you well, the same will happen for you. How does that sound? In my mind, I imagine you shaking your head, yes, and I hear you say, “I’m ready to do this for keeps this time.” In my mind’s eye, I can feel your resolve to be the changemaker in your own life.
I’m cheering for you. We can all do this, it’s not easy but it’s also not always hard. Please remember, you are worth the effort! Come with me, do this with me, because it’s something you want for yourself.
Do you believe that the pursuit of a big goal can change your life? I tell you, it can, and even though I have not accomplished my weight loss goal yet (from a numbers standpoint) I feel like I’m already there. Really, in the most important ways, I am. Actions speak louder than words, and as I reflect on my day, I see that I already have what I want for myself. My big reason for wanting to lose weight was to have more energy and to feel stronger:
I did a spin class before work – and it felt great.
I made a delicious dinner – no diet food here!
I am part of a generous community – full of inspiration.
You get there by realizing you are already there.
Ekhart Tolle
Eventually, I will reach my weight loss goal, and when that happens, I feel so accomplished. However, that future success does not diminish today’s joy.
Here are some things that are absolutely true about weight loss:
Losing weight is something you do for yourself.
It takes a long time to see results.
It requires care and attention to detail.
There will be setbacks
Reflection on how it’s going helps the process.
Welcome to the work of weight loss. It’s not glamorous, and it takes patience but it offers the chance to transform my life for the better. My journey is more than physical – having perseverance, optimism, and the flexibility to stick with it are qualities that remind me to believe in myself.
At times, I get crazy ideas as though my brain and my body are at war. My brain and my body are suddenly split into two camps. My beliefs, motivation, and control for weight loss are generated in my head, and the result of those efforts comes from my body. If I’m being honest, I have thought about the esoteric nature of hormones and their ability to sabotage my weight loss. The nonsensical rise and fall of weight fluctuation from one day to the next; what is that about? I think of my ever-elusive metabolic rate as if it holds a big rubber stamp to my weight loss efforts that proclaim…
My rational mind says, “You are your body and your mind and you sound paranoid” but my emotional mind says, “Weight loss isn’t happening as I know it should so there has to be something to blame.” Have you ever thought about weight loss in this way? I imagine you sitting there shaking your head, “Yes” and that makes me feel better because I know I’m not alone in my delusion… I like having company even when I get carried away.
I don’t get to control my hormones, metabolic rate, or naturally occurring weight fluctuation. I do control my ability to reflect on my progress and I get to call out my misguided thinking. Just because I do the “right things” every day doesn’t mean there will be a consistent result. I am making amazing progress. So when these thoughts entered my consciousness the other day, I was left with the question “What is my real problem?” I went down a slippery slope:
I know my weight loss journey is forever, but I also know I don’t want it to take forever. I have a date in mind for when I want to achieve my goal weight. I predicted that I should reach my goal by the mid to end of November 2023. Making predictions informs my progress so this decision is not the problem.
I took a look at my weight loss data from the beginning of August to now, and I see very clearly – positive results. Over the past three weeks, I have lost 3.9 pounds. Knowing this information is not the problem.
I reevaluated my prediction based on my current trend for weight loss, If I were to make my goal by my projected date, I would need to lose 2.7 pounds a week. Given my current trends, a more realistic goal date would be mid-January. Adjusting my goal date is not a problem either.
So what’s the problem?
Before working out the data to reflect a more sustainable weight loss, I had the thought, “Maybe if I really push myself, I can lose 2 pounds a week and get really close to my original goal date.” If I made the decision to push harder in service of the numbers I would be giving up my power to the scale. I know from my past, that’s not ok for me to do. So why do I feel like I am wavering? There is more than one reason why:
The first reason I can think of is that lately, I’ve been eating more. I didn’t have dinner one night and ate junk. I tracked most of it but not all. Things like that are going to happen, I’m not a machine! However, it doesn’t mean that I should ignore the behavior and just write it off either.
Another reason is that the holidays begin in November, and I am imagining myself looking and feeling as if I made it to goal. I know that’s superficial and not the most important part of this journey, but there is some vanity tied up in weight loss for me. That’s the truth.
Is that all there is to it?
No wait, there’s more. Brutal honesty now. Yesterday, I saw some friends who have made the choice to use medication or surgery to lose weight. I really care about my friends and I truly want them to be successful. That is the truth but this is also true, I feel competitive about reaching my goal later than they do In my mind I imagine them being at their healthy weight, and I am still in the trenches.
It’s like there is a petty side of me who wants to be able to say, “I don’t need those things I can control my own journey, all on my own.” I don’t even feel that way. I know weight gain is such a hard thing. Everyone’s journey is unique and so long as our choices are supported by good health guidelines, there is no one “right way” there is no “one superior way” It is clear to me that I have plenty of work to do on myself. All this has nothing to do with my friends or their choices, it has to do with my own self-esteem. At times, I am clearly still the little girl who feels less than her peers. The girl who feels the need to outdo everyone else as though it’s the only way to prove I’m just as good.
It’s time to call a truce with body and mind. I need to make peace with the fact that I don’t get to control everything. Hormones happen and negative talk will sometimes dominate. When this happens that means it’s time for me to do the work, and reflect to decide what will happen next. That is the only way I can think of to evolve and come out of this wiser than when I began. All of these things could have coalesced into a major setback, so I am filled with gratitude and relief that I did this work:
I used data to speak back to irrational fear and not let the scale take away my power. The data is clear it is undeniable that I am making great progress.
I was honest about my fears and vanity and that silenced the negative self-talk that would have spun a familiar (and destructive) faulty narrative of being less than.
I trusted all of you and shared my story. I put it all out here and I “walked the walk” even though it made me vulnerable because I can’t be brave without being vulnerable.
If anything I’ve written today resonates with you and maybe you feel a setback coming on, that means it’s time to be honest with yourself. Do the work, and reach out if you think it will help but no matter what, don’t stop the journey.
When I first started losing weight I would have thoughts like, “I can’t believe it, it’s actually working.” Then I would reflect, and think, “Ok, so what did I do to make this happen? I had zero-point breakfasts and five-point lunches. I kept my points within a twenty-point maximum, and would roll over four points a day.” It’s true, reflection is a game-changer when it comes to weight loss; however, after, I would engage in a little “black and white” thinking” for my big takeaway: “So all I have to do, is make sure I do exactly that same thing this week.”
Time Out!
If only I had a coach on the sidelines who was able to see my faulty thinking. Someone who would call me over to correct my game, because the truth is, maybe I could do it exactly that way the following week, but certainly not forever. I get in trouble if I start making up little rituals that lead to superstitious thinking.
Rituals are complicated because they can be good or bad. Many helpful habits are born from little rituals that grow into systems that support successful weight loss (click here to read more on that). However, when ritualistic thinking is driven by black-and-white thinking, there is a big difference. When the ritual has more power than we do there is a problem.
My Evolution for Reclaiming My Power
Every week, I would go to Weight Watchers and “weigh in”. That number on the scale usurped my power. If the number went up and I had an amazing week, I felt demoralized. If the number went down, and I had a sense that I had “gotten away with it” I felt “lucky”. If the number reflected what I deemed an accurate result of my efforts, I felt validated. Do you see the problem? The scale had the power, not me.
When it occurred to me that the scale was more powerful than I was, I decided not to weigh in at all. I didn’t weigh in at Weight Watchers or at home. The thinking was, I would only weigh myself once a month to look at my progress over the long term. That really didn’t work, and the same problem persisted – the scale had the ultimate say in my progress.
Part of the learning that comes with a weight loss journey is to understand that the number on the scale isn’t the “be-all” in success. If I’m being rational, I know that the number on the scale is just a data point. I love data, I do. I think it helps to unravel complexities. So what if, I lean into the thing that is upsetting me the most? That was how I decided to weigh myself every day at home. In doing so, I took back my power, and I learned so much about my natural weight fluctuations. The scale does not hold the power anymore, it just offers useful pieces of information that I can use to benefit my results.
I am sharing this story with you today, with the hope that you will evaluate your own weight loss journey. Ask yourself:
Are any of my weight loss rituals driven by superstition?
If yes, what am I really afraid of?
How can I take this fear and use it to my advantage?
Did you know that according to the Centers for Disease Control, obesity impacts 42% of Americans? That is so many of us! Just under half of Americans are obese. The percentage grows to an incredible 69% (Harvard) when rates of obesity are combined with those of us who are overweight. The trends for obesity are pretty startling because only 13.4% of Americans were obese in 1980 (the National Library of Medicine). In 1980 I was still in elementary school. That is such a significant increase during my lifetime.
All that digging into obesity statistics was prompted by an article that I read in this morning’s New York Times, and my subsequent dive into obesity trends weren’t the only part that gave me pause:
Obesity affects nearly 42 percent of American adults, and yet, Dr. Engel said, “we have been powerless.” Research into potential medical treatments for the condition led to failures. Drug companies lost interest, with many executives thinking — like most doctors and members of the public — that obesity was a moral failing and not a chronic disease.
There it was written so casually, “moral failing”. There is something really terrible about thinking about obesity as being a “moral failing”. Everything about weight gain is hard, and then knowing that society views weight gain as a character flaw just makes it all so much worse. It’s as though everyone is looking for that “quick fix”. Anyone can lose weight; however, there are no easy solutions.
Weight Loss Drugs
Here are my top takeaways after reading the article:
The discovery of weight loss was accidental. Researchers introduced massive amounts of a natural hormone to the brain and that triggered weight loss.
Medical experts and researchers do not know what the long-term effects of using these drugs will be.
These medications are intended to be used for life. if the medication is stopped people will gain back weight.
The drugs work by suppressing appetite, and not changing metabolic rates. People are satisfied with smaller portions.
Clinical trials show that Wegovy also gives some protection from heart attack and stroke.
I don’t think weight loss drugs are the answer for me. I am getting good results following the Weight Watchers plan. I am also learning a lot about myself on this journey. This is true for me, and I cannot underscore that enough, it’s working for me, The only one common thread we all share is that everyone is so different. For some, the internal struggle with food is constant, and for others, behavioral changes can make a tremendous impact on weight loss.
My wish for you is that you do the work of knowing yourself well, understanding what you want, and developing a plan for how you will get it. My hope is that you realize you’re not alone. We are all in this together, and we can support each other along the way.
Getting to Goal 