I feel like I am in a groove. I am making progress. I tracked everything I ate and continued to keep a photo journal. I used 28 SmartPoints for the day:
A challenge for working from home is that I am here and so is everyone else. They all understand that I’m working, but since I’m right there in the dining room, I am very available to them too. I am going to clean up my office and move in there. It’s a more removed part of the house and I think that will help the situation.
Here are some things I am missing today:
I already miss spending time with my sister.
I miss being able to go to spin class and my in person workshop.
I miss feeling secure walking around with other people.
I miss dropping off my son at school – his last year of High School.
I miss working in classrooms of students.
Being afraid takes a toll and today I am feeling it more today than yesterday. I am scared for myself, my loved ones and friends, and for everyone else. Acknowledging how I really feel helps. Uncertainty is all around but the best thing I can do is be real with myself.
Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us.
There are no boundaries for my life these days. My work has infiltrated my home, and kept me busy all day and into the evening. I am happy to be of service but I feel out of whack. I really need to get a schedule and stick with it. So that is something I am going to focus on.
On a positive note, I am very grateful that my husband colored my hair today. There is a sentence I never thought I’d write. He really did a good job, now maybe he has to learn how to cut hair?
Another good day on plan, I tracked everything I ate and even kept the photo journal like the one I shared yesterday:
Little victories, and small moments of gratitude – this was today.
Writing this post feels a little like coming home. Circumstances have made it difficult for me to find balance. I certainly have not been practicing self-care, or paid much attention to my health goals. The truth is, I have been struggling for a while now. This post is my small attempt to scratch out a little time that is dedicated to my own sense of wellbeing.
I went to my WW Workshop this morning and vowed to participate in the “Blue Dot Challenge” Day one is in the books, and I’m happy to report nothing but blue skies over here:
I am going to track all of the foods I eat, because I know that is how this program works for me. I know that will feel more confident as I continue to make up for some lost ground when it comes to weight loss. There have been long stretches of posts on this blog where my weight loss journey hummed along at a good clip whereas this post is a baby step to help me start again.
Sometimes things don’t go as I plan. I did so many great things today to support my weight loss goals. I packed my lunch, I tracked, I weighed and measured my portions, I cooked a healthy dinner. I did all of this and as I did it I thought, Ok I will have more than enough SmartPoints left over to have my Sugar-Free Skinny Cow Ice cream after I clean up dinner. All the dinner leftovers were away, and the kitchen was clean. I slid open the freezer door anticipating my special dessert. I opened the blue box… Empty.
Standing there, eyebrows furrowed mouth open, staring down at the empty box in my freezer. I actually had a little tantrum, How could this be – it’s bad enough to eat them all but to leave an empty box in the freezer – WHAT? Like a small child might I actually stomped my feet and said, “I wanted ice cream.” I’m not very proud of myself but this blog is a place to tell the truth and this is the truth.
I ended up eating a scoop of regular ice cream, and I still rolled over 2 SmartPoints. Yet as I ate it the resentment still lingered from my let down. Sometimes things don’t go as I plan but that does not mean I am off plan. Making adjustments along the way is something I’m still learning how to do. Anyway, I am on plan making good choices and most importantly I believe in me. I can do this, and so can you.
Two times today I was really hungry. Once before lunch and the other time as I was cooking dinner. For a moment I thought, Well I must be losing weight because I’m pretty hungry. You ever feel that way?
I think it is a false sign. Hunger means it is time to eat, and I’d rather eat when I’m not feeling out of control. Just a quick thought. It was a great day on plan overall.
Today was the Super Bowl LIV (54 – yes I had to look it up as this is the only time we Americans use Roman Numerals). I was the dutiful wife and prepared snacks for my husband as he enjoyed the game. It made me happy to make it special for him. And as an added bonus, these foods weren’t all the tempting to me. I don’t really love chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mini beef pockets, or mozzarella sticks. Temptation was successfully averted! Woo Hoo!
Now the game is over, and congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs! The the dishes are all stacked inside the dishwasher, and I am left to think, would I have been as successful if I enjoyed those foods? Would I have to make a vow not ever to eat the foods I really do like in order to keep the weight off? The answer is decidedly “No.” There really can’t be any foods that are totally off limits if my weight loss is going to stick for the rest of my life. Learning how to eat foods I really enjoy in moderation continues to be a learning curve for me. However, this is one lesson I’m going to have to learn.
I’m not there yet. I do overindulge and sometimes I do eat to get some comfort or relief from stress or anxiety. I am grateful that I am at least self-aware to know this about myself. The next phase is to take an active role in changing these behaviors. I’m open to suggestions by the way so if you have any ideas of how to stop overindulgences as they are happening please let me know.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I go to Teachers College in NYC tomorrow. I’ll take some pictures and let you know how the day went. We can do this, and better than that we can do it together.
Whatever you believe influences your reality. If you are the kind of person who is going along with a weight loss program but you don’t really believe it will work, chances are good it will turn out that way. People who are successful tend to be the ones who believe they can do this and that becomes their reality. I have come to the point in my weight loss journey that I know this is the truth.
I have experienced both sides of belief – yes I can and no I can’t. Since 2017 I have been living the life of yes I can do this – I believe I can stay engaged and keep going. Recently, it has been extremely difficult to keep believing in me.
I had a great day on plan. I’m rolling over four points. I ate a half of slice of pizza for lunch and was satisfied. I am starting to believe in me again, and have made a promise to keep at this. So it would help to know you that you are all out there doing the same. Don’t give up even if you had or are having a setback. This is the part of the story where you can be your own hero. Say this and believe it, I can do this and with some effort and kindness you will.
No weigh in today, I just didn’t want to see that number go up from last week. Yesterday was a disaster, and old habits hit me right between the eyes. I wish I were able to write that I had better coping skills but making the choice not to face it was my best for today. So, I checked into my workshop, sat down and took lots and lots of notes.
I listened to members share their strategies, and lend each other support. I’ve decided to adopt a beginner’s mind and treat the plan as though I were “brand new” I used my weigh in book to reflect on my week, write a weekly goal, and a daily goal for today: to organize my kitchen and clean out my refrigerator. One other thing I want to add aside from taking a fresh approach to WW is to be self-aware of my internal hunger cues. I really want to work on eating when I’m hungry.
I can’t deny it, I’m disappointed in myself; although, I don’t really know what my expectations ought to be. If I’m doing my best, does it automatically mean that I’m going to be successful? Not always. If I’m not doing my best, why aren’t I? One thing I do know is that I think about my weight loss journey every day. On days when it’s not going so well that one statistic (only 17% of people maintain weight loss) tends to loom bigger in my thoughts. Why would I do that to myself? Fear, I guess. I guess I’m afraid of sliding backwards and just being another statistic.
I’m not a statistic though, I am imperfect, persistent, and hopeful. I hope I can keep this up, and I’m working at it. I write tonight with a grateful heart, thank you for reading.
Things are clicking and it’s a much better day. That is the way it goes, for me, with weight loss. There are good days, better days, worst days, bad days. The common thread? Don’t give up. I will never give up I plan to keep at this. I will:
Celebrate my good choices
Be helpful to others who share the journey
Reflect on my poor choices
Monitor my external and internal hunger cues
Look for ways to stay engaged
Reach out when I need help
Not take my good habits for granted
There is a lot of effort that goes into this but it’s worth it – aways. Even (maybe especially) when weight loss is very difficult. Yesterday was crumby but today is better.
Yesterday was a good day on plan until I decided to eat some popcorn mixed with some more of those chocolate chips. Without going into too many details, the chocolate chips are now in the garbage, and so is the tin of popcorn. Obviously these foods are too difficult for me to have in the house. If I want to get to goal, these have to go. I will start over AGAIN and embrace this process. A process goes around and has ups and downs but I get to control what I do within it, and I just got rid of foods that don’t help me.