January 17, 2021 is a late for an end of the year reflection, but I guess I needed some time to process all that happened and is still happening. To say so much has changed for all of our lives in an understatement. I could write about loss in almost every aspect of my life. Covid-19 has been and continues to be shadow of death and despair the world over. I am wrestling with my feelings of loss for my country both politically and socially. Systematic racism has been revealed to me and it is something that I cannot “unsee” so I am doing the work for how to be an anti-racist.
“When we identify where our privilege intersects with somebody else’s oppression, we’ll find our opportunities to make real change.”
All the of the deep rooted problems of my nation are being laid bare for all to see this year, I can take some comfort that our society is one where that can happen. We are imperfect, and the work that comes next is to continue to try to “form a more perfect union” a goal which will not be attained in my lifetime but is one worth fighting for for the rest of my life. I do take some solace in knowing that violence, for any cause is not to be tolerated. No one is above the law and people who either incite or promulgate violence will be punished within the parameters of the law.
My health and wellness goals have taken a beating this year. Overwhelmed by the enormity of the challenges of these times, combined with the theft of my systems of support (in person WW meetings, and Spin classes) to maintain my health and weight loss have proved devastating. Community is an invaluable part of my success and I am still grieving the loss of that community but I am not the type of person to give up on a worthy cause. In this case, my health is the worthy cause here. I am dedicating myself to get back to goal.
I weighed myself yesterday and can now quantify the impact of my struggle in terms of black and white. I am working WW for all that it is worth. I am on the Purple Plan because I think it is still the best fit for me right now. The other action I took (with the full support of my husband, Dave) is I bought a Peloton. I can tell you that it is a real bonafide spin bike and I leave my workouts with that familiar sense of relief and wellbeing. It is a great stress reliever for me and I am very grateful to have one.
If I am to be completely honest, and this blog is a place for compete honesty or else what is the point? Not everything I lost was bad, and not everything I found was good this year. Maybe the lesson I am supposed to learn is that it is not really about what was lost or found, it is what remains. My resolve to be the best I can is what remains. Let’s promise to believe in ourselves and try to make the world a little brighter along the way. I will and I hope you will too.
A full week of being fully present on plan has come to a close. Forty-four SmartPoints are left over in my bank, and I am still full from dinner. Switching to #purple and eating whole foods is working for me. It has given me a welcome boost to help me get my head back in the game. Whatever path you are taking on your journey to better health, change it up from time to time because it really does help to keep it keep going.
Weigh in day is tomorrow so wish me luck. I’ll let you know what we discuss over our Zoom workshop.
Weight loss involves an ongoing interior dialogue. Sometimes that “self-talk” is helpful, and sometimes, it isn’t What can be done with an unhelpful thought? Defusing those thoughts so they don’t ruin my progress is really important and was the topic o today’s WW workshop. Here is what I am going to do:
Pay attention to what I am thinking. Like right now there is a piece of chocolate in the kitchen that is 4 SmartPoints. I don’t have anymore SmartPoints for the day, But I keep thinking about it and then thinking, if I eat that piece of chocolate I will probably start snacking on other things too. I just won’t track those things.
How is that thought making me feel? Thinking about eating that candy, not tracking it, and possibly snacking on other food is very upsetting. This thought makes me feel small and weak. It makes me feel like I am losing control and I will fail at this. I don’t want to eat that piece of chocolate but I probably will.
Interrogate the thought and the feelings it evokes: Is this thought true? No, it doesn’t have to be true. I can decide not eat that chocolate. Or even if I did eat it, it doesn’t mean I have to lose control, not track the foods I eat. None that is true. I’m not even hungry.
What do I really want? I really want to get back to goal. The candy is there for another day when I have more SmartPoints or when I don’t feel like eating will trigger a snack attack.
My version of the WW strategy is a little different but it is very effective. It helped to push me through this moment, it really helped. If you find yourself dealing with some kind of nagging inner dialogue, try this it works.
Some good news, I lost 5.9 pounds this week. It was a big win for me and to be honest I needed a big loss to help me gain some momentum. Let’s all have a great week.
Yes! Almost through an entire week back on plan. Here is my day so far:
Do you like the little fire emoji for my 5 day streak? It reminds me of the old days when WW gave out BRAVO stickers. Being back on track on WW has a big impact on me. Food tastes better, I am more intentional, I am motivated to move more. It’s incredible. Complacency must be the root cause for the disconnect with my weight loss journey.
What made me complacent though? I suspect it is because I stopped putting myself first. Man just writing that is hard because as a wife and mother it sounds selfish. Putting myself first doesn’t mean I don’t love my children or my husband, it means I love me TOO. It is so easy to get caught up in bad news of the world. It is so easy to get pulled into personal drama. It is so easy to put myself last on the list when living and working from home makes me physically available to everyone else. These are the reasons, I fear, that is what made me gain back some of the 93 pounds I lost.
I hope I learn this lesson for real this time. Remember, hope is one of my “strength” words. If you find yourself in a similar situation, say it with me:
“I am worthy of self-care. I love me TOO. Everything I am doing for myself will also benefit the people I love the most in this world. I believe in me.”
I am just a traveler like you on a weight loss journey
Gratitude is at the heart of everything today. Catching my rhythm on my weight loss journey, being able to ride my bicycle, having healthy food available, a safe home to live in, a family to love, meaningful work. All of this is so easy to take for granted, when really it is all a gift. I just don’t know why I forget that sometimes.
Really, truly today is was a strong “Day Two”. I felt different the moment I woke up in the morning. I felt like a fog had been lifted and a reassuring sense of personal control had been restored. Here are some of the great things I did to help myself today:
I mediated last night before bed.
I weighed myself in the morning
I tracked my sleep
I tracked, weighed and measured my food
I was mindful about the food choices I made
I worked out and rode my bicycle for 30 minutes
I went for a walk with my husband.
All of these choices are helpful, and the great thing is that I savored each one. Every time I did something I was intentional about it because I was taking care of myself.
I am doing my best. My goal is to take good care of myself so I may be a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher. In short I can work on being a good human. That is where I am going to focus my energy.
More and more it is becoming clear to me that my weight is a barometer of my stress levels. And while I cannot control what is happening in the world, I understand that it is unreasonable to try to make everything better, I can work on my own personal growth.
I’ve written Day One… a lot lately. I weighed myself this morning, and I know I have a lot of work to do to get back to goal. I am left thinking, what do I still have to learn? Clearly, since I am struggling, there is something more to this journey and the way I see things, I can believe one or the other:
I will never really get control of my weight. I’ve tried and failed it will never be different for me.
I am faced with new circumstances and I need a new strategy. I am a learner who can grow from this.
Either one of these perspectives might be the truth for me. It is up to me to decide which one to believe. I believe in me. I am a learner, who has experienced a set back and I am going to figure out why. The most important thing is for me to understand my own situation so I may find a path for what is best for me to do.
If you’re struggling right now, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Make a plan and take small steps. Believe in you, do you, and try your best to be flexible with what it means to be successful. Right now I feel like a winner, because I am not giving up. I am gathering my strength and I am starting again. I will start again as many times as it takes until I get back to goal.
When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.