Month: July 2023

A Birthday Wish

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If you know, you know, gaining back weight is hard. I think it’s very important to try to make sense of why this happened to me. I regained 74 of the 94 pounds I lost over the span of five years. This is a hard post to write, so why do it? Why be so vulnerable in such a public space? I want my story to be about resilence not failure, and I want to evolve. I also need to understand why it happened. Sharing these blogs helps me to reflect, and a weight gain story isn’t that unique. Lots of people struggle with weight gain and maybe if I take the risk and put myself out there others will be inspired do their own work of uncovering their why.

Looking Back to Go Forward…

I am at a mid point in my weight loss journey, I have another 35 pounds till I reach my goal, and my intuition tells me that it’s time to take a look back. When I reached my weight loss goal last time, my motivation was all about turning 50. I wanted to look and feel my best, and I did it. I felt really amzing, I was really proud of myself. I did maintain my weight loss for a long time, until COVID happened. Then two of my most reliable habits were taken from me: going to Spin classes, attending in person Weight Watcher meetings. Everyone was home doing jig-saw puzzels, drinking, and eating. Old habits set up shop and I let myself be oblivious.

Regaining the weight was a slow process. Life events my coping strategies made it so easy to lose touch with my body. My “lockdown” was to set up house in my head and live there taking the rest of me for granted. Does that make sense to any of you? I was going along slowly gaining for a long time and it felt almost annoyomous. What I mean is while my weight fluctuated up and down (with a long term trend of going upwards). Just last year, my friends at work were complimenting my weight loss. They would remark about how great it was that I was maintaining the loss. I wasn’t maintaining it – and I knew that, but I ignored that it was happening.

By the winter of this year, the jig was finally up. By then there were no complements about me maintaining weight loss. To the outside world, it was obvious I wasn’t. On the inside I was feeling physically and mentally sluggish, and my confidence was taking a beating, I certainly wasn’t happy with my appearance. Everything to do with food had felt like it once had, overwhelming. It became very clear to me that I could no longer ignore my problem.

Early one morning, I stepped on the scale and to get reacquainted with reality, I thought to myself, “Now you know.” This was quickly followed by an onslaught of negative self-talk. My inner voice was all too happy to share her opinion about how I had let myself down, “You gained back so much weight! How could you do that? You knew it was happening. What’s wrong with you? You are practically starting over”. I realized that if I was going to do this; “Again!” (there she is) and have a of shot of being successful, I’d have to figure out how to quell that inner voice.

The Body Remembers…

Muscle memory refers to the body’s ability to reproduce a move without giving it any thought. So if you are a person who has lots of experience doing yoga, playing golf, or even riding a bike your body knows the script. This is the best analogy I can think of to descibe how I felt after my freak out session about my weight gain. I decided it was time to say goodbye to my negative inner voice, pack my bags and move out of my head and trust myself that I could indeed make weight loss happen again.

Strategy #2 Living As If…

Starting over was hard but something that helped me was to live as if I was feeling confident with my habits even if I wasn’t. That negative inner voice kept opening windows in my head and shouting down to me, “This is too hard!” When that happened, I would play this little head game. Let’s say a thought pops into my head like, “Ugh, I don’t want to drink any more water.” Another thought bubbles up, “This is just what you do. You are the kind of person who drinks 64 ounces of water every day. Now drink up.” I would act as if this is the total truth, and eventually it actually does become the total truth!

In a lot of ways, I’ve already arrived. What I mean is, I’m not wishing I were living a healthy lifestyle I am living it. And, yes, I have a way to go before I hit goal, but I’ve got this. Healthy living is becoming part of my identity. With this change, I feel like I can be more flexible when some other life event comes along and messes with my systems. I do want to lose weight but more than that I want to hold onto feeling physically better and mentally freer.

It’s very likely that I’ll always need to be warry of negative thoughts. Pictures will happen, feeling inadquate will happen, and there will definately be low days in the future. My big work is to learn how to manage that negativity. This strategy of living as if, is teaching me to understand that what I do in the long terms matters a whole lot more than what I think in a fleeting moment.

My Birthday Wish…

Today is my birthday, and I’m old enough to realize that I have so much to be grateful for already. In a real sense my wish has already been answered, because just being alive is the crown on my head. So here is my birthday wish – I’m sharing it with anyone reading this post at any time: “I wish that we would all believe in the power that we all possess to change ourselves for the better.” We can do it together.

Weight Loss Strategy #1: Taking Reflection Breaks

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Sometimes, a weight loss journey brings real insight into how to improve a person’s quality of life. Other times, it can be fraught with disappointment and stress. I have been on the receiving end of both of those scenarios. Taking some time to reflect may be the missing piece to a weight loss puzzle. So, how is your weight journey going? Are you experiencing either of those extremes? Are you somewhere in the middle?

Right now, I am in a good place. My habits seem to be serving me well, and I am losing weight. I’ve lost, 31.5 pounds since January. Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit hungrier, so I’m making sure to eat higher-protein snacks like almonds, pistachios, or Greek yogurt. That seems to be helping, and just asking the question: “Is anything blocking my weight loss efforts?” helps me to stay flexible and responsive.

I am encouraging you to really dial into your own weight loss journey. If you are genuinely interested and approach it with some curiosity about what is (or isn’t) working engagement is sure to follow. You are worth all the effort, and I hope you never forget that as you keep moving forward through life. So let’s do this, together.

Doing the Work for Weight Loss

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There is a lot to be said for just doing the work of weight loss. Don’t overthink it, don’t agonize over negative self-talk, and don’t let little things distract you from the big picture – reaching your goal. Strong habits and systems alievate all of that worry and angst. I think that is my big takeaway after a few days of challenge.

I started teaching a four day a week elementary reading and math program. It is a terrific program, and I am already really so fond of my students. I am very happy I signed up and was selected to do this; however, the up front work of planning has been very time consuming. I was worried that this might be the “thing” to derail my systems and habits.

What I’ve come to realize it is that my systems and habits are the “thing” that saved me during a highly stressful time. Everything is so automatic now, I don’t have to think about what to do, I just do it. There are no decisions to make in the day-to-day, other than deciding what to eat or how to workout. The tracking of food and activitiy is embedded into what I do it requires no thought and little effort.

Here are some things that I’ve been doing all week:

  • I kept going and finished the work and I did not sacrifice my fitness goals
  • I took some time to eat foods that I had planned and made sure to keep hydrated.
  • I allowed myself to lean into my habits to help me stay on track during a stressful time.

I have written this before, but still I feel the need to write it again; I am grateful for my weight loss journey because it continues to teach me about myself.

Happiness is…

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I have systems that are working really well:

  1. Meal planning (especially dinner)
  2. Having the right tools e.g. food scale, water jug…
  3. Being part of a consistent, strong, and caring community
  4. Doing activities tht are both: fun, & make me feel stronger

My “why” for losing weight is being able to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel like myself in any situation I find myself in. However, what good is feeling good in my own skin, if I am clueless as to who I really am? My weight loss journey is helping me to know myself better, and (for that) I am filled with gratitude.

Searching for what I need to learn in order to make my journey successful is as important to me as losing weight. An example would be how I needed to learn more about habits, so I read the books: The Power of Habit and Atomic Habits. Finding the information I needed to learn in order to help myself tapped into my personal sense of power.

You have power too; believe in yourself, and believe that you can do what needs to be done to reach your goals. Using your power to transform yourself either physically and/or mentally is an amazing way to live.

Maybe you’re reading this post and feel far away from its message of empowerment. if you’re “sort of” on a weight loss journey, sitting on the fence between belief or disbelief I hope you’ll cross over to believing. I believe in you, so let’s do this – together.

Making Lists

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Reflection is a critical thing to a weight loss journey, and having a community in which to share is invaluable. I know enough now, that I don’t want to go it alone because I think better in the company of others. Here are some reflections members shared today when thinking about what is working for them when it comes to losing weight:

  • “Setting small goals really helps to motivate me to keep going.” To this, I say, “Me too!”
  • “Weight Watchers meetings help because this is the only place where we can talk about this issue for an hour with people who get it.” I can only say, “Same!”
  • “Tracking my points, even when I am over, is helpful because I can make them up as the week goes on.” If you saw me at the meeting, you’d see me shaking my head, whispering”Agreed.”

With the good comes the bad. We also did some work exploring what isn’t helpful when pursuing weight loss:

  • “Letting myself get too hungry. When I get too hungry, I’m in danger of overeating.” (that was my reflection).
  • “Not planning ahead when going out with friends.” It’s so easy to fall into unhealthy eating and drinking patterns when going out socially. We have those behaviors ingrained and it’s easy to lose control.
  • “When I don’t consistently track what I’m eating.” Food journaling is the number one habit that successful weight loss revolves around. Not putting food into our trackers is just another way to kid ourselves. It’s like we don’t want to see it but it’s not at all helpful and it just hurts our efforts.

Making a list of helpful/unhelpful behaviors for weight loss is a great vehicle for reflection. It clarifies a plan of action so that we can all get a little closer to reaching our goals.

Follow Your Heart

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It has been an emotional few days. I am the kind of person who has unconsciously used food to soothe negative emotions like stress, fear, or sadness. Now that I am more self-aware of this misguided habit, I can say I have grown wiser about emotional eating. However, this wisdom does not help me with the pain I feel at this moment.

For better and for worse emotions are part of life. Maybe the best thing I can do is to name what I’m feeling. Right now, I am sad because I miss my son. He is living his life. He is happy, safe, and loved, and for all of this, I am (truly) grateful. This is helping me because now I see that it’s not just sadness I feel it’s also gratitude; but more than that it is love.

No Matter What

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The bravest thing we can do is to surrender to the understanding that love is our most powerful expression of self. All the fear, anxiety, and anger are really subordinate emotions there to protect us from rejection or disappointment. I think all these emotions are bundled up and intertwined like chains that keep us back from reaching our full potential.

It’s hard, to be honest about what made me gain back some of the weight that I lost. It would be lazy thinking to say, “It must be genetics.” Don’t misunderstand me, I’m certainly not diminishing the role of genetics, we are all built differently, and that is a good thing. There are so many ways to be beautiful, I don’t believe we were ever designed to look or be one way in this diverse world. Diversity is the vanguard of a healthier, more evolved, better planet. What I am saying, is that I know myself. I know when I feel more at home in my own skin. I feel physically stronger and mentally clearer when I am in control of my weight. Rediscovering this truth is both painful and beautiful. Painful, because I let that slip away; beautiful, because I have the wisdom to recognize it.

I think that maybe weight gain is just another layer of protection. Food can transport us back to happier times when (if we’re very lucky) to carefree days of youth, family, security, and traditions. The food we eat tells stories of our roots. So in that way, we can time travel back through eating. We can share our stories through food, food can even be an expression of love. Really, don’t you think it’s playing it safe to show or experience love through food? I’m not kidding myself, for me, I think all of that has to do with why I gained back weight – carrying the weight of the world literally on my back (and everywhere else).

This is a heavy thing, to say no matter what for the rest of my life, I am going to do all that I can to lead with love – even if that means I am rejected; even if I fail; even if it means love is not returned back to me. It’s not just about weight loss, it’s about becoming someone more evolved than I am today.

Finding Freedom

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I don’t want to think of my weight loss journey as being something separate from my life. What I mean is, I don’t want to say, “Well I’m on vacation so I will just have fun, and forget about following my Weight Watchers plan.” There is a subtle but destructive message in that thinking. This kind of thinking assigns something punitive to being on a weight loss journey. As if I cannot have all the fun I want and still be cognizant of how many points I’m consuming. This is a false narrative because I can be on vacation, be on plan, and have a great time.

Some might be thinking, “She has gone off the rails! Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!” I think, what I’m doing is, finally coming to my senses. I don’t want to be a prisoner of weight loss. That sounds hyperbolic but if I look back, I see that it was always black-or-white thinking. I was either good or bad; on or off and in that way, the prison I found myself in was by my own design.

A vacation would become a tripwire; after eating and drinking freely coming home to stringent routines would marginalize a personal sense of power. “See I gained ‘x’ amount of pounds, I can’t be trusted with my own decision-making.” A weight loss journey comes down to making choices. I am learning how to trust myself to make choices that will allow me to live a full life and improve my health not just when I’m in my controlled environment of home but anyplace.