You decided to take some steps to improve your health, that’s something to celebrate. If you’re watching your diet, moving more, getting preventive visits in with your doctor, taking vitamins, buying organic, or just taking a daily supplement it all counts! Time is a real bully when it comes to establishing healthy habits because the ultimate goal may seem far off – for real. But… it’s the work we do today that brings it closer to tomorrow and that’s for real too. Time goes by either way so what are you going to do? Listen to that negative self-talk? Don’t do it. Listen to me instead, and I’m telling you, you’re amazing! Whatever you’re up to today, keep this verve going. Stoke it like a burning fire that motivates you to keep making the choices that will serve you and your goals. You got this.
Yesterday began with a hearty breakfast after my Saturday morning Weight Watchers meeting. We discussed how important it is to make our healthy lifestyle choices be sustainable. If we want to live the rest of our lives eating healthy, then we have to learn how to eat what we want but within limits. Feeling inspired, and thinking about the Belgam Waffles in my freezer as featured in yesterday’s social media post to my group:
I was satisfied, and really felt proud of myself, go me! I can eat what I love and still lose weight. Later in the day, I was feeling hungry again – I did a quick body check and it was legitimate internal hunger:
I walked into the kitchen and there on the toaster were the bakery cookies that were left over from my son’s birthday party Thursday night. I stood there thinking, “You’re going out to dinner with friends later. If you eat a cookie that means you are going to have to balance it out with a lighter dinner choice. You are going to see a show too – which means you may want a fancy cocktail…” Even after all that thinking, I was reminded by the meeting – “if this is going to be sustainable (for the rest of your life) if you want cookies you need to be able to work them in.” I tracked and ate four bakery cookies.
Of course, that wasn’t a strategic choice, it was an emotional choice. I was watching a Halloween show, and I wanted the cookies. I wanted that sense of sweetness and Halloween at that moment. I knew what I was doing and I was alright with my choice.
All would have worked out except, when I did go to dinner later, the food was not good, so I really ate very little. I went to the show Beautiful (it was so great if you have not seen this musical and you love Carol King, do see it). Once there, I did get a lovely seasonal cocktail with a fancy apple slice and Tito’s vodka that also went into my tracker. But, by the time I got home hours later, I was very hungry! And because I was so hungry, I did not handle that situation as well as I could have. I ate a bowl of cereal with skim milk, two enlightened bars, and 2 bags of Utz Halloween Pretzels with 3 thin slices of smoked gouda cheese. In the end, I felt a bit defeated and went to bed.
This honest reflection of my day and real awareness is the thing I want to celebrate this morning. In the past that could have been way worse. Worse, because I would have had a blind spot to what I was doing, and I would have most certainly eaten more. That would have been followed by a great deal of shame for being so weak. Now I see that it’s not weakness it was genuine unchecked hunger.
I have one more thing to share. Many years ago I read Geneen Roth’s book, Women, Food, and God, her Eating Guidelines were a game changer for me:
“The Eating Guidelines 1. Eat when you are hungry. 2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car. 3. Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music. 4. Eat what your body wants. 5. Eat until you are satisfied. 6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others. 7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.”
If you have a curious mind, you may want to try eating mindfully today. If your experience is like mine, you may find it’s easier to tell when you’ve eaten enough. You may also be more aware of the physical sensations of what you’re eating feeling more present during the experience.
Lisa, my Weight Watcher coach, enlightened me about the importance of eating happy. In other words, eating the foods that I love, and in a just right portion for me. Eating happy… is what sustains a person when losing weight, and (I think) is especially important while on a long weight-loss journey. On the surface, it seems so obvious – like duh eat foods you love. In practice, however, it is really sage advice.
A Day in the Life of a Weight Watcher
My sister and I did our Saturday morning ritual. We take turns driving and picking up (Dunkin’ Donuts) coffee for our Saturday morning meeting, and this week it was my turn. Occasionally after the meeting, we take a quick trip up to Trader Joe’s as we did today. I bought a bunch of hard-to-find items and left with two bags of groceries.
By the time I got home, I was pretty hungry and this is what I ate,
5 SmartPoints: 3 for the crumpet – 2 for the guacamole – 0 for the Greek Yogurt & Fruit
I enjoyed both, the food and the atmosphere in my dining room. I am happiest when I eat a variety of foods and the presentation of the food is also important to me. I tried to be strategic, I love carbs so there is the crumpet, and it’s worth all 3 Smartpoints to me. The guacamole offers healthy fats as an alternative to butter and is only 2 Smartpoints. More importantly, I like the way it tastes; although in truth, I wanted fresh avocado but none were ripe enough yet. The non-fat Greek Yogurt was full of protein, and (as we discussed in our meeting today) is sure to keep me from getting hungry again for a while. The pomegranate seeds are the variety and add a nice texture when mixed together with the blueberries.
As I write to you now reflecting on this small part of my day, I realize there is another layer to eating happy, gratitude. Food has been something I have taken for granted over the years, and now I see it as something to be deeply valued. Eating happy is another expression of self-care and a vehicle for the betterment of my health. So I will pass on Lisa’s phrase to all of you readers, do yourself a favor, eat happy.
A good teacher shows her students where to look, but not what to see. Watching is essential to learning but it does not work in a silo it needs to be coupled with three other attributes for learning: intention, engagement, and reflection. I know about this because I’ve written (with my co-author and friend Jill DeRosa) a book for teachers, WIRE for Agency, WIRE is a metacognitive framework (Watch, Intention, Reflect, Engage) to use with students so they may know themselves as learners. If you identify how learning happens, you can have a greater sense of agency in your life. Which brings me to this post. My weight loss journey has been a great lesson in personal agency because it’s something difficult that I am making happen. I am making it happen because I know myself as a learner, and today I want to reflect on what is going well.
Eating happy – I love this flavorPaying attention to portion sizes
Reflecting on Gratitude
I don’t think anyone has ever done anything important all on their own. When doing hard things, I have skill sets I employ like developing habits, strategizing, and perseverance. But that’s not allthinking about my weight loss journey (because this is very important to me) I know that it is my community of family and friends who are making a profound impact on my success. This is not a new discovery, but I think it’s important to take a beat for gratitude.
Reflecting on a New Habit
Daily weigh-ins are a relatively new habit for me that has made a very positive impact on my well-being. The data that this practice garners is helping me stay rational about the process. Today, was a little victory – the scale moved downward into a new… let’s call it a territory, and I know progress happening. Numbers don’t lie, they are concrete but it’s more than what the number is, it is understanding the context of their patterns. The scale is teaching me about myself. I am learning how my body responds to weight loss. I can see fairly predictable patterns and I know that if I stay the course, I will reach my goal. This has alleviated the emotional trigger that the scale used to provoke. Amazing.
Saturday’s Weight Watcher meeting focused on being aware of portion sizes. And, well, let’s face it, if you’re on a weight loss journey having a food scale in your backpack is as essential as a compass! You may lose your way without it. I credit a lot of my weight loss success to my kitchen scale, measuring cups, and spoons. So, here are three tips that you may find helpful…
Keep a kitchen scale visible make it easy to do this.
If you don’t want to spend the extra money on single servings, weigh out servings in grams and store them in snack bags. Sometimes I will put the snack bags inside the original box or bag so I can scan foods into my app more easily.
Try not to weigh and measure portions when you’re very hungry. Feeling hungry adds a level of stress that you just don’t need.
Is there anything special about being able to drop a perfect 28-gram serving of tortilla chips on a food scale? That is for you to decide. I can only tell you, that when that happens to me, I feel like I’m figuring out how to eat what I want and still lose weight. That feels like a win to me.
Who doesn’t love instant gratification? Getting what you want when you want it, is the best. This statement is more than an opinion, it reflects the true nature of the human brain. We have a genuine bias for getting an immediate reward. For many, bad habits thrive on instant gratification, and, over time, that can lead to a negative outcome. Dessert every night is appealing but (that will most assuredly) impact a weight loss journey. There is no joy in foregoing dessert but it will have a positive impact on the ultimate goal – losing weight. It all seems very unfair
Here is a tip to share that may remedy unhelpful habits. Making your day-to-day helpful habits pleasurable in some way. James Clear says, “Pleasure teaches your brain that a behavior is worth remembering and repeating.” (pg. 185 Atomic Habits) and I have to say, I have found this to be true…
This pill case is the cue to take my vitamins.
I like the colors of the pill case, and I enjoy unscrewing the top one and moving it to the bottom after taking my vitamins. This is an easy-to-do habit that gives me a little boost. I like the little pun on my lunchbox, it makes me smile. Closing the rings on my Apple Watch is very motivating to me, and I really like getting special badges. I enjoy spinning, and I like to join challenges on my Peloton. It makes me feel like I’m in a class, and the personal reward is to complete it.
All these small habits are defining who I am, and I am a person who lives a healthy lifestyle. I am not at goal (yet) but I’m already living the lifestyle. Making healthy habits both positive and visible is a game changer. Try it for yourself.
Do you believe that the pursuit of a big goal can change your life? I tell you, it can, and even though I have not accomplished my weight loss goal yet (from a numbers standpoint) I feel like I’m already there. Really, in the most important ways, I am. Actions speak louder than words, and as I reflect on my day, I see that I already have what I want for myself. My big reason for wanting to lose weight was to have more energy and to feel stronger:
I did a spin class before work – and it felt great.
I made a delicious dinner – no diet food here!
I am part of a generous community – full of inspiration.
You get there by realizing you are already there.
Ekhart Tolle
Eventually, I will reach my weight loss goal, and when that happens, I feel so accomplished. However, that future success does not diminish today’s joy.
My featured image shows the harbor in my hometown. It’s filled with boats, and at first glance, paints an idyllic summer scene, bobbing boats at twilight. What you can’t see, is that today was unseasonably cool, and it felt as though summer was packing her bags because vacation had come to an end.
Change is tricky, it is both desired and feared depending on the situation. Change is exciting, or scary. It may leave you stronger or weaker, it may come on strong or gradually over time. But the one thing that is certain is that change will always come. It is the great equalizer, it happens to us all for nothing in this life is static. So how we cope with change matters and this is especially true on a weight loss journey.
The First Day of School
I fell right into step with change as if we were doing a familiar dance step. I packed my lunch, laid out my clothes, and planned for how to fit in activity after a busy day. I left my workout clothes in their usual position, resting on the hard wooden chair in my living room. When I got home, I began the ritual of putting away the lunch box and cleaning the vegetables that would be part of tonight’s dinner. Once dinner was cooking I didn’t overthink it, I quickly changed my clothes and did a 20-minute workout.
This is what living a healthy lifestyle looks like for me. This was a glimpse into my day on the precipice of change. As I reflect, I am full of gratitude. I see that all the work to establish strong healthy habits equipped me to cope with change. Everything happened seamlessly and required hardly any effort on my part. So as I wave goodbye to summer and all the wonderful gifts she brings, I realize the greatest gift of all is my lesson learned, “I am what I do.” I take this to heart and it comforts me.
At times, I get crazy ideas as though my brain and my body are at war. My brain and my body are suddenly split into two camps. My beliefs, motivation, and control for weight loss are generated in my head, and the result of those efforts comes from my body. If I’m being honest, I have thought about the esoteric nature of hormones and their ability to sabotage my weight loss. The nonsensical rise and fall of weight fluctuation from one day to the next; what is that about? I think of my ever-elusive metabolic rate as if it holds a big rubber stamp to my weight loss efforts that proclaim…
My rational mind says, “You are your body and your mind and you sound paranoid” but my emotional mind says, “Weight loss isn’t happening as I know it should so there has to be something to blame.” Have you ever thought about weight loss in this way? I imagine you sitting there shaking your head, “Yes” and that makes me feel better because I know I’m not alone in my delusion… I like having company even when I get carried away.
I don’t get to control my hormones, metabolic rate, or naturally occurring weight fluctuation. I do control my ability to reflect on my progress and I get to call out my misguided thinking. Just because I do the “right things” every day doesn’t mean there will be a consistent result. I am making amazing progress. So when these thoughts entered my consciousness the other day, I was left with the question “What is my real problem?” I went down a slippery slope:
I know my weight loss journey is forever, but I also know I don’t want it to take forever. I have a date in mind for when I want to achieve my goal weight. I predicted that I should reach my goal by the mid to end of November 2023. Making predictions informs my progress so this decision is not the problem.
I took a look at my weight loss data from the beginning of August to now, and I see very clearly – positive results. Over the past three weeks, I have lost 3.9 pounds. Knowing this information is not the problem.
I reevaluated my prediction based on my current trend for weight loss, If I were to make my goal by my projected date, I would need to lose 2.7 pounds a week. Given my current trends, a more realistic goal date would be mid-January. Adjusting my goal date is not a problem either.
So what’s the problem?
Before working out the data to reflect a more sustainable weight loss, I had the thought, “Maybe if I really push myself, I can lose 2 pounds a week and get really close to my original goal date.” If I made the decision to push harder in service of the numbers I would be giving up my power to the scale. I know from my past, that’s not ok for me to do. So why do I feel like I am wavering? There is more than one reason why:
The first reason I can think of is that lately, I’ve been eating more. I didn’t have dinner one night and ate junk. I tracked most of it but not all. Things like that are going to happen, I’m not a machine! However, it doesn’t mean that I should ignore the behavior and just write it off either.
Another reason is that the holidays begin in November, and I am imagining myself looking and feeling as if I made it to goal. I know that’s superficial and not the most important part of this journey, but there is some vanity tied up in weight loss for me. That’s the truth.
Is that all there is to it?
No wait, there’s more. Brutal honesty now. Yesterday, I saw some friends who have made the choice to use medication or surgery to lose weight. I really care about my friends and I truly want them to be successful. That is the truth but this is also true, I feel competitive about reaching my goal later than they do In my mind I imagine them being at their healthy weight, and I am still in the trenches.
It’s like there is a petty side of me who wants to be able to say, “I don’t need those things I can control my own journey, all on my own.” I don’t even feel that way. I know weight gain is such a hard thing. Everyone’s journey is unique and so long as our choices are supported by good health guidelines, there is no one “right way” there is no “one superior way” It is clear to me that I have plenty of work to do on myself. All this has nothing to do with my friends or their choices, it has to do with my own self-esteem. At times, I am clearly still the little girl who feels less than her peers. The girl who feels the need to outdo everyone else as though it’s the only way to prove I’m just as good.
It’s time to call a truce with body and mind. I need to make peace with the fact that I don’t get to control everything. Hormones happen and negative talk will sometimes dominate. When this happens that means it’s time for me to do the work, and reflect to decide what will happen next. That is the only way I can think of to evolve and come out of this wiser than when I began. All of these things could have coalesced into a major setback, so I am filled with gratitude and relief that I did this work:
I used data to speak back to irrational fear and not let the scale take away my power. The data is clear it is undeniable that I am making great progress.
I was honest about my fears and vanity and that silenced the negative self-talk that would have spun a familiar (and destructive) faulty narrative of being less than.
I trusted all of you and shared my story. I put it all out here and I “walked the walk” even though it made me vulnerable because I can’t be brave without being vulnerable.
If anything I’ve written today resonates with you and maybe you feel a setback coming on, that means it’s time to be honest with yourself. Do the work, and reach out if you think it will help but no matter what, don’t stop the journey.
When I first started losing weight I would have thoughts like, “I can’t believe it, it’s actually working.” Then I would reflect, and think, “Ok, so what did I do to make this happen? I had zero-point breakfasts and five-point lunches. I kept my points within a twenty-point maximum, and would roll over four points a day.” It’s true, reflection is a game-changer when it comes to weight loss; however, after, I would engage in a little “black and white” thinking” for my big takeaway: “So all I have to do, is make sure I do exactly that same thing this week.”
Time Out!
If only I had a coach on the sidelines who was able to see my faulty thinking. Someone who would call me over to correct my game, because the truth is, maybe I could do it exactly that way the following week, but certainly not forever. I get in trouble if I start making up little rituals that lead to superstitious thinking.
Rituals are complicated because they can be good or bad. Many helpful habits are born from little rituals that grow into systems that support successful weight loss (click here to read more on that). However, when ritualistic thinking is driven by black-and-white thinking, there is a big difference. When the ritual has more power than we do there is a problem.
My Evolution for Reclaiming My Power
Every week, I would go to Weight Watchers and “weigh in”. That number on the scale usurped my power. If the number went up and I had an amazing week, I felt demoralized. If the number went down, and I had a sense that I had “gotten away with it” I felt “lucky”. If the number reflected what I deemed an accurate result of my efforts, I felt validated. Do you see the problem? The scale had the power, not me.
When it occurred to me that the scale was more powerful than I was, I decided not to weigh in at all. I didn’t weigh in at Weight Watchers or at home. The thinking was, I would only weigh myself once a month to look at my progress over the long term. That really didn’t work, and the same problem persisted – the scale had the ultimate say in my progress.
Part of the learning that comes with a weight loss journey is to understand that the number on the scale isn’t the “be-all” in success. If I’m being rational, I know that the number on the scale is just a data point. I love data, I do. I think it helps to unravel complexities. So what if, I lean into the thing that is upsetting me the most? That was how I decided to weigh myself every day at home. In doing so, I took back my power, and I learned so much about my natural weight fluctuations. The scale does not hold the power anymore, it just offers useful pieces of information that I can use to benefit my results.
I am sharing this story with you today, with the hope that you will evaluate your own weight loss journey. Ask yourself:
Are any of my weight loss rituals driven by superstition?
If yes, what am I really afraid of?
How can I take this fear and use it to my advantage?
Getting to Goal 