Month: November 2017

I woke up at 4:30 AM and went to spin class, and it was packed! It’s amazing how many people start their day off with exercise. I do feel stronger. Although, I have to say some negative thoughts did creep their way into my morning workout.

Since the class was so full, I was in the first row (where the mirrors are) and I kept looking at myself, thinking – “That’s it. I feel like I should look different.” This was not a helpful thought process but I can’t help it. It’s the truth, that’s what I was thinking about.  Fortunately, as I got into the workout that thought process changed, and I starting to think about how to hold the positions to workout the muscles in the right way. By the end of the class, I felt strong and validated:

I had a great teaching day. It’s amazing to witness the moment when a student learns something new. Then, I had to stay after school and provide professional development on the reading continuum.  It went well, everyone had a good conversation but boy-o-boy it was a long day. By the time I got home, the sun had set and I was getting pretty hungry. I handled dinner well I got chicken kabobs with a baked potato from our local Greek diner.  I  even had a scoop of Baskin Robbin’s ice cream. I hit my target point range and earned a blue dot for the day.

As we move deeper into autumn I am feeling more in control and even though sometimes I feel impatient about my progress,  I realize that these are just feelings, and I need to experience them and then move on.  If we are lucky, we get to learn new things too and that is part of the journey.

Trees in the autumn

I went to a training today about educational standards, it was as thrilling as it sounds. As I sat in the audience, I thought to myself, “Look at how shiny those candy wrappers are, they are almost glowing in the bowl.”  Under the fluorescent lights, the candy bowl looked like a little treasure trove of sweetness. As I looked around people were dipping in and out of the bowls so thoughtfully placed out on the tables.

I was not tempted, I did not want any, but it was amazing how when the conversation became more intense the candy eating did too. Before I became so engaged with my weight loss journey I would have been right there popping that chocolate one-by-one. It’s really amazing how 67 days of reflection has shaped my thinking.

Anyway, as a followup from yesterday, I did my after-school training (and yes, I did put out candy too) it went great. Another afterschool training tomorrow…

Thank you for reading my posts and sharing my journey.

I am very proud to say, I did go to Spin Class this morning:

As I made my way through the chilly early morning, and across the darkened parking lot I reminded myself that I was taking back part of my day. There is something liberating that going to the gym before work does to my frame of mind. I feel very strong and full of energy.  Walking down the long corridor is like a victory walk – I did it!

My presentation was a success. We had a rich dialogue and I am grateful to have such dedicated thoughtful colleagues to work alongside. By 2:30 PM I was feeling depleted and all of that positive energy and momentum I felt earlier had vanished. I was longing for a strong cup of coffee but there was none. So, I sipped on my water and tried not to yawn too much… It was already getting dark when I left school for home:

I did everything I needed to – I prepped and tracked my breakfast/lunch (with an extra snack because I’m working late tomorrow). I went out and did my civic duty and voted! I hope you did as well. I cooked dinner and now I am looking forward to a serving of Slow Churn Rocky Road ice cream (5sp) for dessert.

I am feeling tired and a little achy. But I know those feelings will pass. I am getting stronger, working harder, and focused on taking care of myself. I found this quote and it really spoke to me:

We are all worth it. More tomorrow…

It’s 11:06 PM and I’m happy to say I am getting my daily dose of reflection in before calling it a night. It was a stressful evening for a great variety of reasons.  From work deadlines to frantic text messages, to family squabbles. Does any of this sound familiar?

The minute I walked through the door the race was on:

• Pack lunch and breakfast (track them for tomorrow)
• Start cooking dinner while listening to Voxer (an app that is like a walkie-talkie that my colleagues use when planning professional learning).
• Negotiate a truce among family members who are bickering
• Track dinner and eat it quickly
• Head out into a Google doc and finish planning the day for tomorrow’s learning (no students; it’s ELECTION DAY so PLEASE VOTE)
• Finish planning my specific parts on my own
• Handle various phone calls/texts in-between

Today was a test, it would have been easy to just call it a night and go upstairs and turn out the lights. I’m sure I’ll be asleep before my head hits the pillow.  In my eternal search for balance, I say “This is just as important as all the rest. I’m worth the effort to think about my day because I want to get to goal.” 

I have my share of challenges, but really there is so much that I am grateful for:

• I have a husband and three children who love me and each other
• I am very close to my siblings we love each other so much
• I am very close with both sister-in-laws and brother-in-law I love them
• I look forward to the holidays
• I had parents who are worth missing every day
• I get to teach children to love reading
• I get to teach children to believe in themselves
• I get to teach children that they are very special
• I get to focus on how to improve my craft as a teacher
• I have time to focus on improving my life for the better
• I have friends who support me
• I love where I live

I could go one, but then I wouldn’t get this post up before midnight. I feel so much better thinking about all that I have instead of all the challenges and the pressure. It’s not that those things don’t exist because they definitely do – life is complicated.

There is no cupcake so sweet, no glass of wine so relaxing, or salty bag of chips that can take away any of my stress. Those things are only momentary distractions from reality.  So I am deciding to end today on a positive note because all of the positives in my life is a reality too:

Thank you as always for reading, more tomorrow…

The weather is gloomy today, and I am feeling a little tired and run down. I didn’t sleep that well and the clocks fell back so I’m sure that’s all contributing to my overall malaise. I did fight the urge to stay inside all day, and went to spin class before food shopping:

I have a lot of work to do, and I can feel my stress levels rising. Even though I know it would be a good idea to get busy and just do what I need to do – the truth is, I don’t really want to do any of it.  So I am trying to enlist The Killers  The Beastie Boys, and Barry McGuire to drum up some much-needed energy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfZVu0alU0I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rRZdiu1UE Star Trek: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdtwX6oRDSo

I keep thinking about last week’s topic – Emotional Eating. In the face of a looming deadline, the dreary day, and the lack of a good night’s sleep it would have been easy to find some solace in over-indulgences and prolonged snacking. Being self-aware is really remarkable because you see your own behaviors through a lens of clarity and honesty.  That is a game changer friends.

As  I close my post, I want to express my sincere thanks to all of you who read these. It helps to know that my other people can relate to my personal struggles and revelations. I am grateful that I discovered how to use writing as an outlet for ongoing reflection. That is as powerful as following Weight Watchers and getting in regular workouts. More tomorrow…

So the universe is laughing at me and decided to test all my beliefs and resolve about my weight loss. I lost ZERO pounds this week. This is how it went:

“You stayed exactly the same.” Her hands folded on top of my weigh-in-book, looking up at me earnestly.

“I did?”  I was smiling but my eyes were squinting. 

“Yes.” Smiling back at me and shaking her head up-and-down.

I walked back to my seat holding my sneakers in tow, then it began: “I stayed the same? I don’t think I could have been better on plan. I worked out, I tracked, I reflected. Why didn’t I lose?” Then I remembered, “Your body doesn’t know it’s supposed to perform each Saturday morning at 8:15 am.” 

I did everything right, and I didn’t lose an ounce and I am alright with that. If I were reading this post last year, I would have said, “You’re just a liar. You did all this work, and you got no results on the scale!”  Here is why this time is different – this time I own the scale. I banish the scale and its numbers this week as if it were the Wicked Witch trying to cast some terrible spell. I say, “Oh rubbish! You’ll have no power here. Begone, before someone drops a house on you!”

I mean it. 

I am laser focused on getting to goal, and my results on the scale do not define me nor do they define my efforts.  At my meeting, some amazing members shared their struggles and I totally understand on a deep and personal level. They are scared they are going back to their “old ways” they are afraid that they are losing control. I understand. That feeling is like you’re standing atop of a gravel mountain and the pebbles and sand beneath your feet is beginning to give way.  This is a crucial part of the journey for them. This is what I have to say, “I am here for you. I don’t know what is going to turn that around for you, that’s your work to figure out, but I believe in you.”

Here are some things (be sure to hover over the pictures to read the captions) that I celebrate today:

A beautiful day!

My fabulous week!

My resolve!

My jeans fit! I bought new shoes!

Here I am the day before weigh-in. I had to meet my colleagues to work after work. I did prepare I had an apple and a bag of vegetables to eat on the car ride home, but by the time, I got home, I was famished! Seriously, I have not been that hungry in a long. time:

Plus, I did not have a dinner planned and ready to go… However, I do have good choices at home so I improvised. I made a Lavash Turkey Pepperoni Pizza (8sp). I really enjoyed it, and by after I was done, I was still hungry. So I made another one (Weight Watchers math made that 17sp).  About half-way through the second one, I started to feel more satisfied, but I finished it anyway. Now I feel a little too full, and I think, maybe, I should examine how/why I ate the second one.

Well, for one thing, I had only eaten 9sp for the day, and that was less than I’ve been eating so I think that had an impact. Typically, I have been eating 11-13sp approximately My after work, work was productive but stressful too. Truth is I’m still not done, and it is on my mind.  Even though I handled my dinner situation efficiently it added to my stress levels:

So, what did I learn?  Next time I will:

• pack a protein snack when I work longer days
• name my feelings and give myself a little more time before eating more
• stop eating when I feel satisfied (I think I kept eating because I had already tracked the points)

It’s not that I think I  overindulged but it’s on my mind and that probably means I’m right to think it though.

So how was my week? I really did everything I could to have a good week. Here are some highlights of things that make me happy, that I’m proud of, good food finds, or just beautiful images:

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More tomorrow…

I achieved something that I’ve been trying to accomplish for a while now.  I reached my personal fitness goal!

I reached a goal to go to spin 3x a week!

My dashboard at 4:55 am

I’ve been wanting to go to Spinning three days a week: Sunday (that’s an easy day to go); and Tuesday / Thursday (5:15 AM). Well, this week I actually did it and that feels amazing.

Reflecting on my week there is a lot to be happy about. I cooked healthy meals, packed on-point breakfasts, and lunches for work. I took time to appreciate nature with my best little dog Sadie:

No sleeping in this morning, we are just on the move.

Finding beauty autumn trees

Sweet Sadie

As I pack up the cobwebs, ghosts, and ghouls of Halloween a new friend came out to meet me on my evening alk pronouncing the next holiday would soon be here before I know it:

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving – good times and family – I love it!

My final words for this post are dedicated to beauty. If you agree that we are all on a journey then what we learn along the way depends on our perspective. If we expect to find beauty we will find it because really it is all around us:

 More tomorrow…

This is what a day on Weight Watchers looks like, so far I have used 22sp. Basically, this is my day in numbers:

• Breakfast – Siggi’s Peach Yogurt 3sp & mixed berries
• Lunch – 8sp Sabra Classic Hummus 3sp; Utz Halloween Pretzels 1sp; vegetable sticks, Sargento Ultra Thin Baby Swiss cheese (1 slice) 1sp; spinach 0sp; turkey breast 3oz 1sp; Apple; Laughing Cow Cheese 1sp; Rumaros Low-In_Carb Wrap 1sp
• Dinner –  1/2 cup white rice 3sp; Frozen Peas & Carrots 1sp; chicken breast 7oz 4sp
• Snack – 1/3 cup Wonderful Pistachios roasted and salted 3sp

When you look at this list, really, it’s a decent amount of food. I still have 5sp to use to get into the blue dot range (27sp – 37sp). I will probably have something else in a little while. I have some options and I think that’s important.

Our brains are programmed to have a variety of foods in our diets.   If you’d like to read about it, here is a great piece by Mary Pascaline Dharshini Should You Eat The Same Thing Every Day? Why Food Variety Is Important.

Do you ever feel like it has to be you or everyone else? Lately, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, that coupled with my ongoing struggle to find balance. Sometimes life makes you find balance, you have a health scare, or something happens that’s totally out of your control and your situation makes you sit up and listen. As I write this post I find myself wishing it were easier to prioritize the many responsibilities of my life.  I’m sure many of you can relate – it’s not always easy.

Day sixty is making me introspective, not in the brooding sort of way, but more of the thoughtful reflective way. I can feel myself changing, and a lot of the planning and work for successful weight loss on Weight Watchers has gone “underground”. It’s more automatic than it was sixty days ago.

Maybe I should work to be even more mindful of my efforts. Maybe I need to pay close attention to all the things I’m doing that are helping me to be successful.  Perhaps, taking my actions for granted is the same thing as taking my success for granted.  If I want this time around to be different than I really have to think about everything…

My final words to you are about vulnerability.  Writing these daily posts opens me up to everyone – why do it?  I believe there is power in vulnerability:

My wish for you is that you let others in and that you let yourself be seen.  More tomorrow…