People are noticing my weight loss. It’s nice to know others think I’m looking good. Feeling more confident, and happy with my appearance is definitely part of this journey for me. I feel physically better like it’s easier to move, I feel stronger, and I have more energy. That is something I am very grateful for.
My habits are ticking along and require very little effort on my part. I’m in the zone and I can promise you that if you dedicate yourself to habits, that serve you well, the same will happen for you. How does that sound? In my mind, I imagine you shaking your head, yes, and I hear you say, “I’m ready to do this for keeps this time.” In my mind’s eye, I can feel your resolve to be the changemaker in your own life.
I’m cheering for you. We can all do this, it’s not easy but it’s also not always hard. Please remember, you are worth the effort! Come with me, do this with me, because it’s something you want for yourself.
Do you believe that the pursuit of a big goal can change your life? I tell you, it can, and even though I have not accomplished my weight loss goal yet (from a numbers standpoint) I feel like I’m already there. Really, in the most important ways, I am. Actions speak louder than words, and as I reflect on my day, I see that I already have what I want for myself. My big reason for wanting to lose weight was to have more energy and to feel stronger:
I did a spin class before work – and it felt great.
I made a delicious dinner – no diet food here!
I am part of a generous community – full of inspiration.
You get there by realizing you are already there.
Ekhart Tolle
Eventually, I will reach my weight loss goal, and when that happens, I feel so accomplished. However, that future success does not diminish today’s joy.
Here are some things that are absolutely true about weight loss:
Losing weight is something you do for yourself.
It takes a long time to see results.
It requires care and attention to detail.
There will be setbacks
Reflection on how it’s going helps the process.
Welcome to the work of weight loss. It’s not glamorous, and it takes patience but it offers the chance to transform my life for the better. My journey is more than physical – having perseverance, optimism, and the flexibility to stick with it are qualities that remind me to believe in myself.
The topic of my weekly Weight Watchers meeting was, Emotional Eating, and as if right on cue, I cried when I attempted to share my thinking. It’s not that I’m struggling with emotional eating right now. On the contrary, I think I’m a lot more self-aware than I once was when it comes to this topic.
The other day, I made peppers and tomatoes over eggs because I recognized that I’d been missing my mom lately. She has been gone for nine years, she passed on August 11, 2014. She was special, and people naturally gravitated toward her because she was beautiful, smart, and hilariously funny. That is quite a combination plus – she was an amazing cook. I grew up eating good food. Now, one way I can connect with her is by cooking some of the foods she used to make me.
I don’t know why I couldn’t say all that during the meeting without tears. I suppose I must have needed a good cry, and that is the point – we need to allow ourselves to feel our feelings instead of feeding them. I’m still learning, and doing my best to continue to evolve on this journey. I hope anyone reading my posts is in a good place on theirs. But if you aren’t remember you’re not alone, and the brave thing to do if you need help is to ask for it. Thank you to my WW community for all the support and care you’ve shown me, I am all wholly better for knowing all of you.
My featured image shows the harbor in my hometown. It’s filled with boats, and at first glance, paints an idyllic summer scene, bobbing boats at twilight. What you can’t see, is that today was unseasonably cool, and it felt as though summer was packing her bags because vacation had come to an end.
Change is tricky, it is both desired and feared depending on the situation. Change is exciting, or scary. It may leave you stronger or weaker, it may come on strong or gradually over time. But the one thing that is certain is that change will always come. It is the great equalizer, it happens to us all for nothing in this life is static. So how we cope with change matters and this is especially true on a weight loss journey.
The First Day of School
I fell right into step with change as if we were doing a familiar dance step. I packed my lunch, laid out my clothes, and planned for how to fit in activity after a busy day. I left my workout clothes in their usual position, resting on the hard wooden chair in my living room. When I got home, I began the ritual of putting away the lunch box and cleaning the vegetables that would be part of tonight’s dinner. Once dinner was cooking I didn’t overthink it, I quickly changed my clothes and did a 20-minute workout.
This is what living a healthy lifestyle looks like for me. This was a glimpse into my day on the precipice of change. As I reflect, I am full of gratitude. I see that all the work to establish strong healthy habits equipped me to cope with change. Everything happened seamlessly and required hardly any effort on my part. So as I wave goodbye to summer and all the wonderful gifts she brings, I realize the greatest gift of all is my lesson learned, “I am what I do.” I take this to heart and it comforts me.
Yesterday was a curious day and I find myself thinking about it this morning. Here is what happened, after eating a good breakfast:
(Click the link, if you want to learn how to calculate smart points)
I was very satisfied for a really long time. I kept myself pretty busy throughout the day doing errands and such. I wasn’t aware of my hunger again until 3:00 p.m. I prepared another meal of foods to pick on – an orange, 1/3 cup of shelled pistachios, and a leftover meatloaf muffin. After eating I realized I was still hungry so I ate 7 tortilla chips, Yes, I could have had some vegetables or some other lower-point option but I didn’t feel like washing, peeling, or chopping.
At 6:30 dinnertime rolled around and I ordered a thin-crust pizza and salad with chicken. The restaurant had included that pizza dough bread. I had a small slice, of pizza (I should have weighed it) a lot of salad and a piece of bread. When I looked down at my plate, I realized, there was more food on my dish than I needed.
Connecting Body & Mind
I started this morning browsing the internet for information about hunger cues, and my search led me to a term I wasn’t familiar with: interoception. What did that mean? It turns out Interoception is one of our senses and it helps us understand and feel what’s going on inside the body. So if you feel your heart beating, or are hot or cold it is your Interoceptive sense at work…
“Fascinating!” By the way, I am a big fan of Strange New Worlds check it out on Paramount Plus if you’re into Star Trek.
As it turns out this sense is what signals awareness of internal hunger cues. This makes me also think about mindful eating – it’s an attempt to get in touch with this sense. Great, I just need to fine-tune my interceptive hunger to eat more mindfully. Well, hold on, it’s not so simple,, there are 11 dimensions of interoceptive hunger that are highly idiosyncratic. So if I understand this, it means the perception of interoceptive hunger is contextual to each of us. It’s complex, and the researchers set out to answer the questions:
Are hunger sensations multidimensional?
If they are, how do people differ?
Are such hunger reports reliable?
This table shows how the study defines the multidimensional nature of interoceptive hunger. It looks like the feelings: of fatigue, irritability, or cold emptiness are moderate to strong indications of this sense:
Another finding was having more beliefs about hunger, and forms of interoceptive hunger were associated with greater uncontrolled eating. Of those, two primary signals were people who had hunger factors of being fatigued or boared tended to eat uncontrollably. People who had greater restraint presented with feelings of cold emptiness. While emotional eaters presented with feelings of irritability. And of course, interoceptive hunger was more intense for the female participants of the study. This all makes sense to me.
I am a learner, and I read these studies because I think they start important conversations and discoveries. It could be that there might be practical implications for learning more about how interoceptive hunger develops.
Having this new learning in my back pocket is already coloring how I see the Hunger Scale l I created:
Now that I know more, I think this scale can help me be aware of interoceptive hunger. During the “Gentle Hunger” phase, my body’s signals are (likely) to be different than yours. The work, if you decide to do it is to identify how your interceptive hunger presents. For me, some signals I am going to pay more careful attention to growing feelings or physical symptoms of cold or emptiness, headache, bad breath, and abdomin noises.
At times, I get crazy ideas as though my brain and my body are at war. My brain and my body are suddenly split into two camps. My beliefs, motivation, and control for weight loss are generated in my head, and the result of those efforts comes from my body. If I’m being honest, I have thought about the esoteric nature of hormones and their ability to sabotage my weight loss. The nonsensical rise and fall of weight fluctuation from one day to the next; what is that about? I think of my ever-elusive metabolic rate as if it holds a big rubber stamp to my weight loss efforts that proclaim…
My rational mind says, “You are your body and your mind and you sound paranoid” but my emotional mind says, “Weight loss isn’t happening as I know it should so there has to be something to blame.” Have you ever thought about weight loss in this way? I imagine you sitting there shaking your head, “Yes” and that makes me feel better because I know I’m not alone in my delusion… I like having company even when I get carried away.
I don’t get to control my hormones, metabolic rate, or naturally occurring weight fluctuation. I do control my ability to reflect on my progress and I get to call out my misguided thinking. Just because I do the “right things” every day doesn’t mean there will be a consistent result. I am making amazing progress. So when these thoughts entered my consciousness the other day, I was left with the question “What is my real problem?” I went down a slippery slope:
I know my weight loss journey is forever, but I also know I don’t want it to take forever. I have a date in mind for when I want to achieve my goal weight. I predicted that I should reach my goal by the mid to end of November 2023. Making predictions informs my progress so this decision is not the problem.
I took a look at my weight loss data from the beginning of August to now, and I see very clearly – positive results. Over the past three weeks, I have lost 3.9 pounds. Knowing this information is not the problem.
I reevaluated my prediction based on my current trend for weight loss, If I were to make my goal by my projected date, I would need to lose 2.7 pounds a week. Given my current trends, a more realistic goal date would be mid-January. Adjusting my goal date is not a problem either.
So what’s the problem?
Before working out the data to reflect a more sustainable weight loss, I had the thought, “Maybe if I really push myself, I can lose 2 pounds a week and get really close to my original goal date.” If I made the decision to push harder in service of the numbers I would be giving up my power to the scale. I know from my past, that’s not ok for me to do. So why do I feel like I am wavering? There is more than one reason why:
The first reason I can think of is that lately, I’ve been eating more. I didn’t have dinner one night and ate junk. I tracked most of it but not all. Things like that are going to happen, I’m not a machine! However, it doesn’t mean that I should ignore the behavior and just write it off either.
Another reason is that the holidays begin in November, and I am imagining myself looking and feeling as if I made it to goal. I know that’s superficial and not the most important part of this journey, but there is some vanity tied up in weight loss for me. That’s the truth.
Is that all there is to it?
No wait, there’s more. Brutal honesty now. Yesterday, I saw some friends who have made the choice to use medication or surgery to lose weight. I really care about my friends and I truly want them to be successful. That is the truth but this is also true, I feel competitive about reaching my goal later than they do In my mind I imagine them being at their healthy weight, and I am still in the trenches.
It’s like there is a petty side of me who wants to be able to say, “I don’t need those things I can control my own journey, all on my own.” I don’t even feel that way. I know weight gain is such a hard thing. Everyone’s journey is unique and so long as our choices are supported by good health guidelines, there is no one “right way” there is no “one superior way” It is clear to me that I have plenty of work to do on myself. All this has nothing to do with my friends or their choices, it has to do with my own self-esteem. At times, I am clearly still the little girl who feels less than her peers. The girl who feels the need to outdo everyone else as though it’s the only way to prove I’m just as good.
It’s time to call a truce with body and mind. I need to make peace with the fact that I don’t get to control everything. Hormones happen and negative talk will sometimes dominate. When this happens that means it’s time for me to do the work, and reflect to decide what will happen next. That is the only way I can think of to evolve and come out of this wiser than when I began. All of these things could have coalesced into a major setback, so I am filled with gratitude and relief that I did this work:
I used data to speak back to irrational fear and not let the scale take away my power. The data is clear it is undeniable that I am making great progress.
I was honest about my fears and vanity and that silenced the negative self-talk that would have spun a familiar (and destructive) faulty narrative of being less than.
I trusted all of you and shared my story. I put it all out here and I “walked the walk” even though it made me vulnerable because I can’t be brave without being vulnerable.
If anything I’ve written today resonates with you and maybe you feel a setback coming on, that means it’s time to be honest with yourself. Do the work, and reach out if you think it will help but no matter what, don’t stop the journey.
When I first started losing weight I would have thoughts like, “I can’t believe it, it’s actually working.” Then I would reflect, and think, “Ok, so what did I do to make this happen? I had zero-point breakfasts and five-point lunches. I kept my points within a twenty-point maximum, and would roll over four points a day.” It’s true, reflection is a game-changer when it comes to weight loss; however, after, I would engage in a little “black and white” thinking” for my big takeaway: “So all I have to do, is make sure I do exactly that same thing this week.”
Time Out!
If only I had a coach on the sidelines who was able to see my faulty thinking. Someone who would call me over to correct my game, because the truth is, maybe I could do it exactly that way the following week, but certainly not forever. I get in trouble if I start making up little rituals that lead to superstitious thinking.
Rituals are complicated because they can be good or bad. Many helpful habits are born from little rituals that grow into systems that support successful weight loss (click here to read more on that). However, when ritualistic thinking is driven by black-and-white thinking, there is a big difference. When the ritual has more power than we do there is a problem.
My Evolution for Reclaiming My Power
Every week, I would go to Weight Watchers and “weigh in”. That number on the scale usurped my power. If the number went up and I had an amazing week, I felt demoralized. If the number went down, and I had a sense that I had “gotten away with it” I felt “lucky”. If the number reflected what I deemed an accurate result of my efforts, I felt validated. Do you see the problem? The scale had the power, not me.
When it occurred to me that the scale was more powerful than I was, I decided not to weigh in at all. I didn’t weigh in at Weight Watchers or at home. The thinking was, I would only weigh myself once a month to look at my progress over the long term. That really didn’t work, and the same problem persisted – the scale had the ultimate say in my progress.
Part of the learning that comes with a weight loss journey is to understand that the number on the scale isn’t the “be-all” in success. If I’m being rational, I know that the number on the scale is just a data point. I love data, I do. I think it helps to unravel complexities. So what if, I lean into the thing that is upsetting me the most? That was how I decided to weigh myself every day at home. In doing so, I took back my power, and I learned so much about my natural weight fluctuations. The scale does not hold the power anymore, it just offers useful pieces of information that I can use to benefit my results.
I am sharing this story with you today, with the hope that you will evaluate your own weight loss journey. Ask yourself:
Are any of my weight loss rituals driven by superstition?
If yes, what am I really afraid of?
How can I take this fear and use it to my advantage?
Did you know that according to the Centers for Disease Control, obesity impacts 42% of Americans? That is so many of us! Just under half of Americans are obese. The percentage grows to an incredible 69% (Harvard) when rates of obesity are combined with those of us who are overweight. The trends for obesity are pretty startling because only 13.4% of Americans were obese in 1980 (the National Library of Medicine). In 1980 I was still in elementary school. That is such a significant increase during my lifetime.
All that digging into obesity statistics was prompted by an article that I read in this morning’s New York Times, and my subsequent dive into obesity trends weren’t the only part that gave me pause:
Obesity affects nearly 42 percent of American adults, and yet, Dr. Engel said, “we have been powerless.” Research into potential medical treatments for the condition led to failures. Drug companies lost interest, with many executives thinking — like most doctors and members of the public — that obesity was a moral failing and not a chronic disease.
There it was written so casually, “moral failing”. There is something really terrible about thinking about obesity as being a “moral failing”. Everything about weight gain is hard, and then knowing that society views weight gain as a character flaw just makes it all so much worse. It’s as though everyone is looking for that “quick fix”. Anyone can lose weight; however, there are no easy solutions.
Weight Loss Drugs
Here are my top takeaways after reading the article:
The discovery of weight loss was accidental. Researchers introduced massive amounts of a natural hormone to the brain and that triggered weight loss.
Medical experts and researchers do not know what the long-term effects of using these drugs will be.
These medications are intended to be used for life. if the medication is stopped people will gain back weight.
The drugs work by suppressing appetite, and not changing metabolic rates. People are satisfied with smaller portions.
Clinical trials show that Wegovy also gives some protection from heart attack and stroke.
I don’t think weight loss drugs are the answer for me. I am getting good results following the Weight Watchers plan. I am also learning a lot about myself on this journey. This is true for me, and I cannot underscore that enough, it’s working for me, The only one common thread we all share is that everyone is so different. For some, the internal struggle with food is constant, and for others, behavioral changes can make a tremendous impact on weight loss.
My wish for you is that you do the work of knowing yourself well, understanding what you want, and developing a plan for how you will get it. My hope is that you realize you’re not alone. We are all in this together, and we can support each other along the way.
Ever have one of those days when you just feel hungry all day? Well, I’m having that kind of day today, and it’s no fun. Now I can either: do something to turn things around; or, I can have a snack-a-thon. It wouldn’t be very inspiring to go for the snack-a-thon as appealing as that may be. Instead, So here goes, as I try to turn it around. First, think about what I know for sure:
I ate breakfast three hours ago, it’s not normal for me to feel so hungry yet. Grrrr!
I feel pretty aggravated, I had to wait on hold for a long time, and there was no resolution to my problem. Ugh!
My water bottle is full, I need to drink some water. Cheers!
This morning I woke up tired. I didn’t sleep well, I got a bunch of mosquito bites and they were super itchy all night. Then I had a bunch of unpleasant dreams, in one, I dreamt that I was covered with giant pox marks. Yikes!
I think my bad case of the “hungries” is just my brain’s way of looking for some sweet relief. It’s not food that I want so much it’s to feel better. So instead of sabotaging my healthy eating streak, and making today even worse, I am going to take some action:
I am going to drink some water.
I am going to do a 10-minute mediation.
I am going to have a 20-minute power nap.
After that, I bet I’ll feel better. Just writing this post is filling me with a sense of gratitude. I suppose that might sound strange to some. You see, I wrote this post instead of engaging in mindless eating and that is real evidence of growth. I also need to remember that even a bad day has the potential to offer something good in the end.
“Fascinating!” By the way, I am a big fan of Strange New Worlds check it out on Paramount Plus if you’re into Star Trek.
Getting to Goal 