Disappointment…

I am like many of you, I value work, and I am very dedicated to my career. It’s winter break and I am staying home. and I plan on being productive and organizing my house and working on projects for school. That will be good, but there is something else – I’m feeling pretty disappointed. I am not stealing off to some remote destination and kicking back away from my regular routine.

I guess I’m longing for some carefree fun. I am wishing for some time that I am not dealing with all the pressures of my life. I’m sure if you are reading this post, you may understand. Then today, I found myself looking and wanting to some of these…

Thankfully, my resolve held fast, and I didn’t buy any of them. It’s only now that I’ve had some time to reflect that I realize that it’s not this that I really want – it’s fun.

I wanted that feeling of freedom and good times. Why would I confuse food for fun? I don’t know. Maybe it’s some primitive response that enjoying something sweet triggers in the brain, but in the end, it doesn’t really matter. It just is. I think the more important thing is that I recognize the behavior. I think that is the thing that is really essential. I also think that I am not alone, I think there are many of us who unknowingly turn to food as a substitute for some kind of longing.

If I didn’t have this insight and the behavior was to stay unconscious, I might eat something high in points and then say something like, “You’re an idiot! Why’d you do that?” (That quote actually comes to you right out of my WW Workshop today). But in reality, the truth is, I’m not going away this winter break and that is disappointing. I’m not doing some of the same things my friends and colleagues are doing and I wish I were.

I used to turn to food. I don’t do that anymore, or at least not today – yay! I think it would be hubris to say that I will never repeat that behavior again. I know that it’s dug down deep. Now at least, I can say, that I’m aware of it and I think that’s a big deal. I am going to trust myself and rely on that awareness to keep me from repeating past mistakes. That’s good enough for today.

I realize that I may sound insensitive to some of you. For that, I am sorry. Deep down, I know that I am truly blessed. I have a home, a family, I get to teach children to read and write and to believe in themselves. That is truly a blessing. I do know that to some people reading this post, my disappointment may sound self-centered and spoiled. However, this blog is a space that I’ve created, for me to be totally honest.

So, even though I know I am blessed, I am still disappointed. I’d rather put my disappointment here on the screen than make some foolish choices that take me away from my goal. Maintaining weight loss is hard to do for a reason. Thank you for reading.

Stamina…

This is true…

Tonight was brutal. It really was. There will be no spin class for me tomorrow morning because it’s far too late for that. I still have work to do and it’s very late for a school night. My lunch isn’t made and I am getting sick. This not self-care!

This is true…

Stretching myself beyond what I am right now to what I hope to become is difficult. I can do hard things. I accomplished a lot and I didn’t give up. This is a remarkable quality I am tenacious! Here is what I’m going to do next, am going to finish what needs to be done and then I will get some good sleep.

Sometimes the right thing to do acknowledge both sides of the same reality. I think I gained weight because I didn’t know how to manage my stress levels. There is no magic strategy but I am becoming more self aware.

Day Four Hundred-Sixteen…

Happy 16th Birthday David! We had a party tonight to celebrate our son’s special day. We had the family over and had so much fun. I am very happy to say, David felt loved and that’s what a birthday is all about.

In terms of being on plan… it was a challenging day. It began with professional development, (I was attending not facilitating) and then, of course, there was the party.  Professional development comes with an assortment of snacks. With the party? Well, lasagna and birthday cake of course.

I’m happy to say I did not have any candy, and I was very strategic about what I ate. I used very few points and “saved up” for dinner. I did really enjoy what I ate and now I just feel good.  Will I get to goal? I don’t know, I really have no idea but I hope so. I did not reach my fitness goal, I only went to spin one time this week. I did recover my points from my overindulgence from last Saturday. I am rolling over 8 SmartPoints. I have been planning and tracking.

I will let you know how I did!

 

Day Three Hundred Eighty-Five…

I didn’t make my goal of rolling over four points. I had pizza for dinner and went over. Then I had a low-fat ice-cream cone and went over even more.

Words of WisdomI know I am the kind of person who will always have to be vigilant about watching my weight. I was really disappointed about tracking the pizza, and then the cone tonight. It was upsetting to see the number go up on my app and that’s the truth. I believe tracking is a very important habit to cultivate. s what helps me to make my next move.  Tomorrow will be a better day.