Even When…

By the time I got home from the city today, I was tired and hungry. This is not a winning combination. I made some poor choices, and am now regretting them. Regret is a reason to reflect. If I had tracked my choices while I was making them, I probably would have made better ones. My dad liked to say, “Kick yourself once, then let it go.” So, I’m starting over. I am drinking a big glass of water, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and going to bed.

All day learning at Columbia University Teachers College

Tomorrow, I’ll go to spin and start again. Even when I feel like I’m failing on my weight loss journey, I know that’s not true. Just being on the journey, investing in the thought, the planning, the ambition to change my life and make healthier choices is a marker of great success. This is not easy, and it’s a mistake to minimize that. However, I know I can accomplish difficult things. My choices today do not define me. They are a product of physical and emotional exhaustion.

Let It, Snow…

Snow days offer a particular kind of challenge that anyone who has tried to lose weight can relate to. Outside, it’s snowing at a rapid pace the skies are a cool slate grey. Inside, the house is warm and seems to give off a golden light in stark contrast to the frigid weather. For me, it seems I instinctively I start wishing for cinnamon and sugar aromas to fill the air. Maybe something ginger or spicy savory smell would be nice too.

Home and food are synonymous for me. Many of my fondest memories of home are intertwined with home cooked meals. Meals that were lovingly prepared and set around a welcoming table. A table full of life, stories, and lots of laughter. It’s no wonder that traditions and comfort are easily interchangeable with eggplant parmesan, sour milk cake, or homemade manicotti. It’s not like it was done on purpose and I certainly don’t blame anyone for my food confusion. It just the way it worked out for me.

We went out into the weather just now and picked up a few items. While we were out we stopped off at my favorite bakery to buy some bread for dinner. I have to confess I ate 3 1/2 cookies and drank a cup of hot cocoa. In retrospect, I do feel some remorse. It’s not that the whole day is a wash but I wish I had stopped at two cookies. I have 4 points left in my budget for today. I’m sure I will go over but I’m aiming to stay within my “blue dot” healthy eating zone. Obviously, no dessert or wine tonight.

If I make it that would be a huge success. I’m going to try my best. That’s all I ask of myself, is to try my best. Something I’m proud of today? I went to spin class and really threw myself into the workout. I also have my menu for tonight’s dinner, and I’m looking forward to cooking. So, I’ll put that in the win column too.

More tomorrow. Meanwhile, be kind to yourself because you are listening.