It’s the day before work begins again, and I have packed and tracked my breakfast and lunch. I know what I’ll be making for dinner, chicken, and potatoes with a vegetable. I might go to spin class at 6:30 PM tomorrow but I have to see how the day goes. I go to spin for fun, not for an obligation. This is my “new normal” These are the healthy habits that have helped me to lose 93 pounds.
Is my weight loss going to be permanent? On the surface it’s simple. If I maintain these habits and don’t let my old ones resurface – yes. If I let myself fall into old habits then no. I know the truth, and the truth is I cannot sustain eating the way I used to and maintain my current weight. I realize it may sound crazy but it would be so easy to fall back. It helps that I am self-aware of this truth. It helps but it doesn’t solve it. The only person who can decide my fate is me and that is pretty daunting.
I tracked everything I ate today. I am carrying over two SmartPoints and that feels good. If I get through the next two days maintaining my healthy habits I think I’ll be in good shape. I’m going through this rough patch and it has lasted longer than I’d like. It’s almost like I’m trying to absolve myself of my past discretions by writing them down here for you to read. But that’s not really it – I think I’m doing this because I hope that you can understand how difficult this is for me. I hope that you can relate to my struggle. This is definitely hard, but it’d be worse if I thought I was the only one. It helps to know that others are able to overcome their old habits. When I think about it that way, it makes me feel like I can do it too.
I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself, but I think my rough patch is ending. I think I’m on the way back to the routines that have served me so well. I don’t think I could get myself back if I had stopped writing. If you read my posts I hope there is something of use in them for you too. If you are feeling like you lost your way on the road to better health know that the trail is waiting for you to find your footing. Take my words as markers to find the way back. You can do it. I know you can because I know I can do it too.
Food and memories are so deeply intertwined for me. I think of family dinners, holidays, and visiting relatives. I think of love and belonging when I think about food. I think of my little Italian Nanny, and my mother working all day in the kitchen to prepare the most delicious meals. Eggplant parmesan, escarole and beans, and pasta fagioli. Don’t even get me started on the pork sauce. Then there was the good sausage and Italian bread straight outta’ Brooklyn! I think of our kitchen table set for family and good times. It’s no wonder that food is so comforting.
Everything looked good to me.
These cookies are a guilty pleasure.
These looked yummy.
Even though I know these would be too sweet they were appealing.
I love pumpkin.
This is what I left with. A small win!
This blog is a place for the truth, and the truth is I am an emotional eater. The rational side of my brain says, “It’s just food.” The emotional side of my brain says, “Sweet relief! Yes, let me have another scoop of ice cream please.” However, the comfort is only temporary and is almost always followed with some regret. Since I began my journey, I am learning how to cope with emotions for what they are, and to deal with them without trying to distract myself with food. Somedays it is very hard to do, while other days it’s not an issue at all. It’s the self-awareness that I want to celebrate, getting to this point of really recognizing what has held me back in the past from achieving long-lasting weight loss.
Lovely outside my gym.
I’m in this for life, and that means I have to continue to work on this part of me until I really understand what it is and why it happens. It means knowing my triggers, and being more present. When I do go on “autopilot” and old habits creep back in, recognizing it and taking action. This stuff isn’t easy, and I think that’s why so many people give up on weight loss.
Just remember, it’s never too late for a “do over.” There is no shame in a fresh start even if it is every day or even every hour of the day. You are enough, and so am I we can do this, it just takes time.