Have you ever lost something spent hours looking for it? Then as an afterthought, not really expecting to find it, you open the junk drawer in the kitchen and there it is looking at you in the face. “Hi, I’ve been here all along just waiting for you.” That is where I’ve been. I’ve been looking for my motivation to keep going on this journey to better health and weight loss since the pandemic began. I think I finally found the right drawer, in the very last spot I could have looked; and now, I am ready to begin again.
Beginning again, is an extremely generous gift I am giving myself. I have to confess, I have gained weight since #COVID19 took away the supports that helped me to get where I was. No more in person #WW meetings with my Greenlawn Goal Setters. The community that held me and kept me going has been dismantled by corporate and even though there are virtual spaces to “see” each other, it is not the same. I miss being with my dear sister every Saturday, carpooling to Greenlawn be with our friends. I have always maintained that it is the sense of community that makes #WW a successful program for me. This is not the only loss, #COVID19 has also taken away the 5:15 am spin with my favorite instructor, Michelle. Now I do not get the physical release that helped me deal with stress, and give me the boost to take on the day. And just when it couldn’t be worse, worry has been my constant companion throughout this dark time our lives.
The match that lit this flame to my newly found motivation was that my hubby convinced me to buy a new Peloton. I don’t have it yet, but just knowing there is one being made for me and that it is on its way is enough to stoke my inner motivation.
I’ve missed you, readers. I’ve missed the woman I am when I write for you too. I have felt like a failure, like an imposter, over these months. So many starts and stops only to dissolve into defeat. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not a failure, I am not an imposter. I have to keep telling myself my own story, that I have done this once and I can do it again. It’s not like I’m starting completely over. I am still way ahead of where I once was. I am going to keep it simple. I’m going to track my food in my tracker, next week I’m going to weigh in at home, and I am going to get enough rest. And if you’ll have me, each day I am going to write you and let you know how it is going. I hope you are well, Let’s just believe in ourselves together that we can do this. Ok? More tomorrow.
My husband did a beautiful thing for me today. He painted our bedroom. Of course my favorite paint color is called (wait for it) Butter. That just makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, he was so sweet to do it, because it really was a lot of work. Now I can just sit back and enjoy how lovely it looks.
I wish I could report that today was a great day on plan. It was for the most part until this evening. Then I just snacked mindlessly. I’m am still getting over being sick, I am feeling sore, and just a little bit sorry for myself. I also think I’m also worried. The holidays are coming and while I do love this time of year, it adds additional stress that isn’t always so easy to cope with. I’m not trying to make excuses, I’m trying to understand why I made such poor choices this evening. The bad combination of feeling sick, stress, and worry are not a winning combination. So while yesterday was a battle I won – today was a battle I lost.
All I want for Christmas is to fully appreciate my weight loss journey. Getting to goal was difficult and now I find myself working to get back to Lifetime status. My weight loss journey is the gift I gave to myself, and that’s how I want to honor it – it is something I did just for me. I never want to lose sight of that. If I lose sight of that then it would be like I’m giving up on me. I am grateful that I found myself again on this journey. I know I can do this because I’ve done it before.
For the next 14 days, I will not eat any sweetened foods. For each day I forego desserts or sweetened foods I will do something “sweet” for myself. I think this is a good way to kickstart my plan again because it is something I can control. If you want to join me, I hope you’ll let me know. More tomorrow readers, remember we got this.
Today is dedicated to my nephew, Zachary, who graduated college and is a bonafide Mechanical Engineer! Not only is he a gifted mathematician but he also has a work ethic to admire. When I think about him, and what he accomplished, I am truly blown away. He is proof that when we combine our natural talents with hard work anything is possible.
I weighed in today, and sometimes I get lucky – I lost 1.2 pounds even though I think I should have gone up. I’m not complaining, quite the contrary, “Thank you to the WW gods for this unexpected gift.” However, sometimes these “gifts” can be the start of a problem. For me, I find it’s easy to fool myself into believing this lifestyle doesn’t take some effort on my part. It really does, and lately I need to tighten up some of my healthy habits.
So, I’m working out a plan of action, and it’s going to begin with re-examining my why. Then I’ll figure out the rest.