Day Three Hundred Ninety-Six…

Food and memories are so deeply intertwined for me. I think of family dinners, holidays, and visiting relatives. I think of love and belonging when I think about food. I think of my little Italian Nanny, and my mother working all day in the kitchen to prepare the most delicious meals. Eggplant parmesan, escarole and beans, and pasta fagioli. Don’t even get me started on the pork sauce. Then there was the good sausage and Italian bread straight outta’ Brooklyn! I think of our kitchen table set for family and good times.  It’s no wonder that food is so comforting.

This blog is a place for the truth, and the truth is I am an emotional eater. The rational side of my brain says,  “It’s just food.” The emotional side of my brain says, “Sweet relief! Yes, let me have another scoop of ice cream please.”  However, the comfort is only temporary and is almost always followed with some regret. Since I began my journey, I am learning how to cope with emotions for what they are, and to deal with them without trying to distract myself with food.  Somedays it is very hard to do, while other days it’s not an issue at all.  It’s the self-awareness that I want to celebrate, getting to this point of really recognizing what has held me back in the past from achieving long-lasting weight loss.

I’m in this for life, and that means I have to continue to work on this part of me until I really understand what it is and why it happens. It means knowing my triggers, and being more present. When I do go on “autopilot” and old habits creep back in, recognizing it and taking action.  This stuff isn’t easy, and I think that’s why so many people give up on weight loss.

Just remember, it’s never too late for a “do over.” There is no shame in a fresh start even if it is every day or even every hour of the day.  You are enough, and so am I we can do this, it just takes time.

Day Three Hundred Forty-One…

When I am sad or under stress, I look for comfort foods. When I’m having a great time, I want to “eat, drink, and be merry”. When I’m bored I migrate to the kitchen and go on the hunt. Emotional eating sucks.

Breaking the habit of emotional eating began with an awareness that it existed. I know that sounds so obvious but the weird thing is, it wasn’t. Facing up to this reality, that I am an emotional eater, remained elusive for a long time.  I don’t know why it just was, I think writing every day on this journey has helped me to understand this about myself.

Breakfast
Food that is worthy for me to eat 1sp

Now that I really see it for what it is, it can’t be unseen. I am grateful for this awakening but it’s still hard. I still feel the pull to turn to food when I’m not hungry. Looking back is as important as looking forward, and I am starting to understand my journey better.

It took a long time for me to distinguish the difference between external and internal hunger  (Day 56 was the first time I wrote about it ). I have also paid a lot of attention to developing good habits. I started to write about ( Day 15  was the first day I wrote about that). The other part of this journey was to look for beauty around me so that I could see it in myself (Day 11 was the first mention of beauty).

“What if, I spent my time looking for beauty instead of overlooking it? What would I find? I want to adopt a generous lens, one that looks for strengths, not deficits.”

#SelfLoveChallenge

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DAY 12: Dress to impress yourself. Wear a favorite outfit today. Wearing jeans impresses me still.