Food and memories are so deeply intertwined for me. I think of family dinners, holidays, and visiting relatives. I think of love and belonging when I think about food. I think of my little Italian Nanny, and my mother working all day in the kitchen to prepare the most delicious meals. Eggplant parmesan, escarole and beans, and pasta fagioli. Don’t even get me started on the pork sauce. Then there was the good sausage and Italian bread straight outta’ Brooklyn! I think of our kitchen table set for family and good times. It’s no wonder that food is so comforting.
Everything looked good to me.
These cookies are a guilty pleasure.
These looked yummy.
Even though I know these would be too sweet they were appealing.
I love pumpkin.
This is what I left with. A small win!
This blog is a place for the truth, and the truth is I am an emotional eater. The rational side of my brain says, “It’s just food.” The emotional side of my brain says, “Sweet relief! Yes, let me have another scoop of ice cream please.” However, the comfort is only temporary and is almost always followed with some regret. Since I began my journey, I am learning how to cope with emotions for what they are, and to deal with them without trying to distract myself with food. Somedays it is very hard to do, while other days it’s not an issue at all. It’s the self-awareness that I want to celebrate, getting to this point of really recognizing what has held me back in the past from achieving long-lasting weight loss.
Lovely outside my gym.
I’m in this for life, and that means I have to continue to work on this part of me until I really understand what it is and why it happens. It means knowing my triggers, and being more present. When I do go on “autopilot” and old habits creep back in, recognizing it and taking action. This stuff isn’t easy, and I think that’s why so many people give up on weight loss.
Just remember, it’s never too late for a “do over.” There is no shame in a fresh start even if it is every day or even every hour of the day. You are enough, and so am I we can do this, it just takes time.
No, I did not get to goal.
I will get there just not today.
I’m not worried, or disappointed. Well, when I first found out, standing there next to the scale that I went up.4 pounds, I know I made a “face” but after that, I was really ok. It’s not that 1.6 pounds are going to make a difference in what I’ve accomplished or how I feel it’s just a marker of the accomplishment. It’s to say, “Yes I did this.” That said, this is not to say this isn’t important to me. It is really important for me to achieve this milestone.
With all the many changes to the program, I am grateful that WW understands the value of keeping Lifetime Membership because it’s something that I’ve aspired to for such a long time – years. Just the word “Lifetime” means so much. This morning, as I attended my workshop, I listened carefully as a Lifetime member, Theresa, shared how she will always have to be mindful about her food choices. This is my truth too. My old habits are there and will never fully leave me. Last night I looked at the Klondike bars in the freezer and thought about how many points one would be. I didn’t eat it but the desire was still there. A desire that (for me) stems from living with so much stress.
Anyway, be well on the journey. Believe in yourself and know you can do this and then you will.
This is what living on plan looks like:
This greeted me when I logged into Facebook:
That is crazy, that was five years ago! I have been doing this for a long time. It’s strange to think about how much I’ve been able to change over the course of this year. I am now down 91.4 pounds. I don’t know if I will get to goal this week. I have one point left in my bank. Now, of course, I wish I had made that extra spin class or passed on dessert. Yet, the whole thing about my #WW journey is to integrate these habits into my life. So when my husband said, “Let’s go out to dinner, it’s Columbus Day weekend.” I said, “Great idea!” I really want to get to goal but I also want to go out with my family and have a nice dinner. This is about long-lasting change and every day and every choice is a lesson in making it work.
I will let you know what happens on the scale tomorrow. Wish me luck.
I am still getting used to my body. I am wearing a size medium or small in dresses and shirts and a size six or four in pants and jeans. Sometimes when I look down I at myself, I do recognize who I see. Today I was able to walk around someone easily with room to spare and that still blows me away! I feel more confident and so much more energetic. Being this close to goal is an amazing feeling.
Since I begin this journey in earnest I have been very connected to my “why”. My “why” has entered my thoughts daily throughout this process. Now things are a little different. Different because my “why”, what I imagined for myself, has come to fruition. I am living in the body I wanted to have. I don’t think my next “why” can only be about keeping this body. I think it has to be about something more than that.
I want my motivation for living a healthy lifestyle to come from a generous place that makes my life about what is next instead of just trying to hold on. The reward for this body is about living and moving with ease. It’s about feeling strong and confident. It is about a path to growth and self-awarenesses. My next “why” may have something to do with making a plan to face the hard stuff that I always try to avoid or hide from.
On that note, I am also thinking about what I will share when I do finally reach goal. I am a believer in the power that words possess to change us. I am indebted to my family, my Saturday Morning friends, and all my virtual friendships. All of these people have been messengers of hope, inspiration, and wisdom. So, more to come on this one.
I hope you had a good day on plan. If you didn’t don’t wait to start again, think it through and get your bearings. Think about what it is you really want to believe about yourself. I believe you can do this.
My husband and I walked around Town Hall while our son attended Youth Court. It was so nice to just appreciate some beauty.
I wonder if this is the week that I get to goal. We shall see on Saturday… Spin class tomorrow at 5:15 so I am off to sleep. More tomorrow.
My featured image is from September 2017. Back at the start of my earnest pursuit to get to goal. I think it’s so beautiful and that makes me happy. Right now thunder just sounded as if a giant egg is being cracked across the sky. The rain is pouring from the sky and I am safe in my room reflecting about my day.
I went to the food store after a late day at work and saw a WW member there. She looked great, and it always lifts my spirit when I see my “people” outside of our meeting, which we now refer to as our workshop. The changes to WW are new and new is a bit scary. There are parts of it that I like such as the addition of MIndspace. I like the idea of having a tool that can help me to refocus.
I had a special teaching moment today. I watched a little boy put together a sentence and read it. This may seem like a small thing but it’s not. What seems to be effortless for one person is a mighty struggle for someone else. I guess my last words for today are, keep it all in perspective. You can do this.
I went to work, and then I went to the library and worked until 9:00 pm. I came home and worked for another half hour. Then I ate salad with grilled chicken on top and a piece of Italian bread. After that, I ate an eight-point dessert.
As I reflect on today, all I can write is that I have to continue to be mindful about my choices and my reasons for eating. Especially when I am under so much stress. I have to keep it all in context. I know that this is a temporary situation and all I have to do is to keep working and eventually, I will get through this difficult time.
I know I can do this. Thank you for reading.
I began the day at spin class and spent the rest of it working.
I went to the library and worked for hours. When I came home, I wanted to do something before making dinner. So I took Sadie for a walk. She loved it…
For dinner, we made Birdballs homemade tomato sauce and pasta. I had two slices of bread, it was really delicious ciabatta bread from my favorite bakery. Well worth the extra points. Also, the birdballs are very satisfying and are a nice change. I’m glad I took the time to make and enjoy dinner. It helps.
Anyway, that’s it for today. Tomorrow will be challenging because I did not get to go food shopping (too busy working). So, I’ll have to get up a little earlier to make a plan. Making a plan is the thing that keeps me on plan.
No, I did not make goal this week:
However, I am so close that I am hopeful for next weigh-in. I know I can do this. It’s pretty late so my post is going to be brief. My featured image is the pair of pants that were my “last straw” that made me join WW all those years ago. I held onto them because I knew this day would come. So while I still have 1.2 pounds to lose the truth is I’m already there in my mind, my body will catch up.
It was raining heavily when I left my house at 4:50 am to go to spin class. Even though it was hard to leave the house on a dark and stormy morning, it was worth it. Looking back on today, it feels great knowing I took that time for myself. I had a lot of energy, I wasn’t so hungry as I’ve been over the past three days, and I got to be around positive like minded people. Activity helps on a lot of different levels. I feel accomplished because I could complete the workout. Now that I use a heart monitor, I challenge myself to control my recovery time and I can see that I’m getting better at that. I enjoy my instructors and it’s just a fun thing to do.
I don’t know if tomorrow, Day Three Hundred Eighty-Eight, will be the day that I reach goal. I don’t even want to jinx myself since it was a rough week. I am ending with a balance of -14 SmartPoints. Five out of seven days were “blue dot” days so that’s pretty good. The important thing is that I tracked, weighed, and measured my foods. I found some resilience when I really needed it yesterday, and I made my goal of working out this morning. These are all good examples of NSV’s. This is what WW is all about and if you’re really ready to dedicate some time to weight loss and wellness you should join us.
Either way, I’ll let you know tomorrow. Wish me luck.