Yes! Almost through an entire week back on plan. Here is my day so far:
Do you like the little fire emoji for my 5 day streak? It reminds me of the old days when WW gave out BRAVO stickers. Being back on track on WW has a big impact on me. Food tastes better, I am more intentional, I am motivated to move more. It’s incredible. Complacency must be the root cause for the disconnect with my weight loss journey.
What made me complacent though? I suspect it is because I stopped putting myself first. Man just writing that is hard because as a wife and mother it sounds selfish. Putting myself first doesn’t mean I don’t love my children or my husband, it means I love me TOO. It is so easy to get caught up in bad news of the world. It is so easy to get pulled into personal drama. It is so easy to put myself last on the list when living and working from home makes me physically available to everyone else. These are the reasons, I fear, that is what made me gain back some of the 93 pounds I lost.
I hope I learn this lesson for real this time. Remember, hope is one of my “strength” words. If you find yourself in a similar situation, say it with me:
“I am worthy of self-care. I love me TOO. Everything I am doing for myself will also benefit the people I love the most in this world. I believe in me.”
I am just a traveler like you on a weight loss journey
Just like a switch that is flipped, a light comes on, and I can see what it is I need to do to be successful on my weight loss journey. It is amazing to me. Why does the switch gets flipped either way? I know that when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I shut down. and then I look for comfort food. Not being able to go spin class presents a problem too because spin class alleviates my stress levels. Put them together, bam the switch goes off and I’m standing in a dark room eating pop tarts from a foil bag.
How does the switch flip back up? The answer to that is more elusive. I’m not sure how I manage to get back on track. Habit change is built around belief, and I guess I just remember that I believe I can change, I do the things that I know work, and I reflect on everything. Plus, a little good news never hurts, big shout outs to my nephew Zachary who fixed my bike for me! You’re the best Zach! I have been getting good workouts and that makes me feel so much better.
I am so grateful that my healthy habits have flipped towards the light. it is day three and I am feeling in control and I am already getting good results. This phase is another hurdle in my weight loss journey. If you need a little support, let me know what’s going on. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out.
Really, truly today is was a strong “Day Two”. I felt different the moment I woke up in the morning. I felt like a fog had been lifted and a reassuring sense of personal control had been restored. Here are some of the great things I did to help myself today:
I mediated last night before bed.
I weighed myself in the morning
I tracked my sleep
I tracked, weighed and measured my food
I was mindful about the food choices I made
I worked out and rode my bicycle for 30 minutes
I went for a walk with my husband.
All of these choices are helpful, and the great thing is that I savored each one. Every time I did something I was intentional about it because I was taking care of myself.
If I just keep writing “Day One” one day my healthy habits will stick. In this moment, I am ready to begin again. I have not fully tuned out my weight loss journey over the past week (eight days to be exact) because it is always there, but I realize that I am trying to hide from it by saying, “On top of everything else, I just can’t do this right now.” That is the truth, and that’s ok.
This blog is a place for honesty, and in truth, I feel defeated and hopeful all at once. It’s like having a case emotional vertigo to cope with all the time. I go outside and it is a beautiful day and I am grateful for the sun and its warmth on my face. Then I see people walking around without wearing masks and I am resentful and feel cold towards my fellow humans. I remind myself that I can’t control what other people do, but that doesn’t give me any relief for how I feel.
Some questions I am struggling with are, is it even possible to decide to just live in the moments of gratitude? I don’t think that is possible, and more to the point, I don’t even think that is the answer I need. Am I being honest to say I am going to focus my own choices; to do what is best for me, and ignore what goes on around me? I don’t think I can do that, we are all connected, I don’t think that is possible, nor do I believe that is a path to personal growth.
I want this time in my life to teach me something, I want to grow wiser for having lived through this period in history. I imagine my life as the fulcrum and positive and negative experiences are the levers pivoting over me, radiating through me. I cannot support the weight of those experiences if I am not balanced at my core. I think I have to be fully present with each experience, and then let go of all of the feelings that come with it. Right now, this is a pleasant moment of reflection and I am grateful for this moment in time.
My intuition tells me this what I need to do and I am trust that. My wish for you dear reader is that you are finding a sense of balance and giving yourself permission experience life as it comes without scorn or remorse for how you are coping. This is hard, but we can get through it.
When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.
Today was a slip up but I’m not letting it move into a slide. I went over my Smartpoints and I know why. The reason, stress got the better of me. So what can I do next time?
Engage and examine where the stress is coming from
Say it out loud – I think there is something important about hearing the words
Make a different choice
That seems really simple, but maybe that is the best solution. I don’t know I will have to see when it happens again if it works. I am keeping at this, I hope you are too. We all can realize our weight loss goals if we believe in ourselves and our ability to do it. Say it with me, “I can do this.”
It’s hard to be optimistic these days. Even my The Happiness Lab Facebook page I joined is filled with anxiety, isolation, and sadness. It is getting to the point where I cannot log into it because each time I do I read a post I feel the weight of my fellow humans. In one way I feel very connected and in another way I feel overwhelmed. Is that normal?
Then after working virtually all day, I tried to find paper towels and soap online and got a massive migraine and had to lay down. Now it’s nighttime and I can’t sleep, I’m a mess. Let’s face it I am stressed out. I went over my SmartPoints BUT I did track it all. So oddly that isn’t upsetting me so much. I tracked it, I weighed and measured my portions, and for the most part I was mindful. I also mediated this morning. So today as far as plan goes is a win. At least I can at control that part of of my life and that is very comforting. It is nice to be able to find a bright spot today. I wonder, how was your day readers? I hope you are coping with all this craziness. Be kind yourself, and know you’re not alone.
Work was challenging today. I’ve gotten to the point where I leave signs outside of my office for family members…
It is really difficult to record lessons and sit through the torcher of listening/watching them back. The pursuit of perfection is a very real danger in this circumstance. I feel like there is always something I could do better. I see a pattern between this experience and my weight loss goals
As I try to find my groove on plan, if I go for perfection, I am doomed. I have to face it, I am not a perfection kind of girl. There will always be something I can do better. So long as I live, there will always be a “next time” I will work on… That is the kind of person I am, and I am starting to really embrace this basic truth about myself. It’s not reasonable to expect perfection! The absence of perfection offers something that may be better, an opportunity to improve. Once there is no improving, there is no living really.
This morning I woke up feeling good, I felt that familiar lightness to my step that has been missing for a long time now. It was another good day on plan, and I am rolling over points. A comeback is a lot of work but at least it is working.
For a long while I have wanted to try meditation but have been feeling too stressed to sit quietly and do it. Well tonight I mediated and it felt good. One good piece of information I am going to tuck into my pocket is that I can experience feelings and not overcomplicate them. There is no reason to hold onto anxiety by going deep into its source. I can experience it, acknowledge it, and let it go so I will recognize it when it comes back again. Another win,
I did my night time ritual to wind down my day, although, I am getting text messages from work (even now) but this also was a nice way to release the tension of the day. Working from home is challenging but I am grateful to have a job that I am able to work from home.