When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.
Today was a slip up but I’m not letting it move into a slide. I went over my Smartpoints and I know why. The reason, stress got the better of me. So what can I do next time?
Engage and examine where the stress is coming from
Say it out loud – I think there is something important about hearing the words
Make a different choice
That seems really simple, but maybe that is the best solution. I don’t know I will have to see when it happens again if it works. I am keeping at this, I hope you are too. We all can realize our weight loss goals if we believe in ourselves and our ability to do it. Say it with me, “I can do this.”
It’s hard to be optimistic these days. Even my The Happiness Lab Facebook page I joined is filled with anxiety, isolation, and sadness. It is getting to the point where I cannot log into it because each time I do I read a post I feel the weight of my fellow humans. In one way I feel very connected and in another way I feel overwhelmed. Is that normal?
Then after working virtually all day, I tried to find paper towels and soap online and got a massive migraine and had to lay down. Now it’s nighttime and I can’t sleep, I’m a mess. Let’s face it I am stressed out. I went over my SmartPoints BUT I did track it all. So oddly that isn’t upsetting me so much. I tracked it, I weighed and measured my portions, and for the most part I was mindful. I also mediated this morning. So today as far as plan goes is a win. At least I can at control that part of of my life and that is very comforting. It is nice to be able to find a bright spot today. I wonder, how was your day readers? I hope you are coping with all this craziness. Be kind yourself, and know you’re not alone.
Work was challenging today. I’ve gotten to the point where I leave signs outside of my office for family members…
It is really difficult to record lessons and sit through the torcher of listening/watching them back. The pursuit of perfection is a very real danger in this circumstance. I feel like there is always something I could do better. I see a pattern between this experience and my weight loss goals
As I try to find my groove on plan, if I go for perfection, I am doomed. I have to face it, I am not a perfection kind of girl. There will always be something I can do better. So long as I live, there will always be a “next time” I will work on… That is the kind of person I am, and I am starting to really embrace this basic truth about myself. It’s not reasonable to expect perfection! The absence of perfection offers something that may be better, an opportunity to improve. Once there is no improving, there is no living really.
This morning I woke up feeling good, I felt that familiar lightness to my step that has been missing for a long time now. It was another good day on plan, and I am rolling over points. A comeback is a lot of work but at least it is working.
For a long while I have wanted to try meditation but have been feeling too stressed to sit quietly and do it. Well tonight I mediated and it felt good. One good piece of information I am going to tuck into my pocket is that I can experience feelings and not overcomplicate them. There is no reason to hold onto anxiety by going deep into its source. I can experience it, acknowledge it, and let it go so I will recognize it when it comes back again. Another win,
I did my night time ritual to wind down my day, although, I am getting text messages from work (even now) but this also was a nice way to release the tension of the day. Working from home is challenging but I am grateful to have a job that I am able to work from home.
Getting back into good habits feels like relearning a line dance. I turn left, when everyone else turns right. I step forward when everyone is stepping back. Finally I fall in step with the others on the grapevine, hitting the double clap – I got it. Today was a good day on plan. I am rolling over points and I am not hungry. It’s a win.
I got a great tip today when I attended Ocean NJ WW Zoom group. They suggested making a list of five things to do when I am tempted to eat (and I’m not really hungry). Well I thought on that for a while and I created a tool:
Why do this? If I am going to be real with you I have to say, today feels like a lot of work to stay on track with healthy habits. It would be nice to ignore serving sizes, or not to not to have to debate one food choice over another. I really would like two pieces of pizza and that glass of wine. Don’t say it. I know I can have both but if I want more immediate success I really can’t. So now is a good time to circle back to my why – not just in the words that I share but with my whole being. Why do this?
I am doing this because I like having energy. I like being able to move more freely. I want to remain in the best health possible for the rest of my life. I like having lots of choice in the clothes I can wear. I like recognizing my own face in the mirror, when I was at my heaviness I was unrecognizable to myself. I remember how I felt back then, I remember how I felt after I achieved Goal and Lifetime status. The thing I remember the most was the good feeing of self control. These are the reasons that define my “why” so I am going to stick with it and power through.
We use movies to make sense of our lives sometimes. Everyone I know keeps saying how this pandemic has made it feel like the movie, Groundhog Day:
I must confess, if I were in touch with my healthy habits, I wish I felt like this were Groundhog Day. That would mean every day I would be connected to my healthy habits, I would be be on my way back to goal and I would be feeling in control and full of energy.
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling. I have written about this movie before, but now (more than ever) I think the movie that captures my narrative during this terrible time needs to be Captain Marvel:
Now is when I get back up and try again. I am only human, and I forgive my lapse and I believe I have the power to shape my experiences at least in terms of my weight loss goals moving forward. My name is Jenn, and today is my “clean slate day”, This is how I am going to start again:
Gain inspiration from others, I am going to attend a daily meetings
Write a post each day so I connect with others who understand
Track every meal because it works, and I can help myself
Checkin & and find ways to help me deal with stress
Start a bedtime routine to decompress and rest
I am feeling a lot of gratitude for my sister, Virginia, and my friend, Beth. They have both reached out to me and helped me in ways they probably don’t even understand. Virginia checks in and encourages me to do the things I don’t want to but I know I need to hear – weigh yourself… how are you doing on plan… Beth reached out after a meeting and let me know that it’s not just me there is struggle everywhere. Then she suggested I try other digital workshops, I did that today. Today, I attended a meeting in NYC hosted by Annie S. who was amazing. I left feeling very inspired.
As I reflect and consider what I am going to bring with me today, it is that although no one can forge my journey except me, I can connect with community to help myself get back on track. In a crazy world where everything feels out of control, I still have that power over this part of my life, my health and weight loss journey, and that helps. You help, thank you for reading.
I feel like I am in a groove. I am making progress. I tracked everything I ate and continued to keep a photo journal. I used 28 SmartPoints for the day:
A challenge for working from home is that I am here and so is everyone else. They all understand that I’m working, but since I’m right there in the dining room, I am very available to them too. I am going to clean up my office and move in there. It’s a more removed part of the house and I think that will help the situation.
Here are some things I am missing today:
I already miss spending time with my sister.
I miss being able to go to spin class and my in person workshop.
I miss feeling secure walking around with other people.
I miss dropping off my son at school – his last year of High School.
I miss working in classrooms of students.
Being afraid takes a toll and today I am feeling it more today than yesterday. I am scared for myself, my loved ones and friends, and for everyone else. Acknowledging how I really feel helps. Uncertainty is all around but the best thing I can do is be real with myself.
Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us.