Open to Change…

I am thinking a lot about how far I’ve come and my recent backslide into old habits. I wish I could write and explain why this happens. One thing is for sure, I’m not alone. So many people who attend my Weight Watchers meetings struggle with the old habits that necessitated the journey to begin with.

My notes from today’s WW meeting

However I am sure of it – I’m in recovery mode. Today was a strong day on plan, and I wasn’t hungry all day. I am grocery shopping tomorrow, and I’m going to buy lots of healthy options for the week. I also plan on doing some food prep and menu planning for the week. I am positive that I will go down on the scale next week and that is a fantastic way to feel. Even if something goes completely wonky and I don’t go down – I will be just fine because I know I am truly (finally) back on track.

My checklist really helps me to keep the habits that have made me successful in the past present in my mind. If you want to try it, click here or you can find it on my Tips & Tools page. I know myself I need to create a supportive environment if I’m going to do this.

Getting to know yourself is part of the journey. One interesting thing that was shared during my meeting today was this website VIA Institute on Character. There is the questionnaire that you fill out and your answers list your virtues. I did it, and this is what it said:

The work now is to figure out how to leverage my strengths for successful weight loss. I’d say my top ten are pretty spot on. I’m going to be thinking about this for a while.

My #1 strength – I can use it to learn about ways to grow healthy habits. I can learn about cooking, mediation, resistance training – anything.

Picking Apart Patterns…

This is what I wanted yesterday to be…

A new day, a new chance to start again. I find myself in the throes of a new pattern, I am overdoing it on the weekend and getting back on plan during the week. I believe I can still pull out a loss on the scale but that’s not the point. All of these feelings of loss of control, feeling deprived, and the constant test of willpower is exhausting.

I am done with this. From this point on I’m going to keep to the program. I started my day eating Fat-free Greek yogurt with fruit and walnuts for 2 sp. That did the trick, I wasn’t hungry all day. I looked up at the clock at work and it was 1:00 pm and time for lunch. I ate lunch and felt pretty satisfied. I ate a preplanned snack on the way home, and right now dinner is heating up in the oven. I am signed up for spin tomorrow and that’s my story.

A little while later…

I ended up staying up too late, and I had to cancel spin. I overdid it with my SmartPoints again and now I feel like I’m officially in a funk. I’m not giving up but I have to find my groove and figure out where I’m going wrong. I do believe if I keep telling myself a story of success I will back it up with action. So let’s do this together, ok?

Looking Inward…

Post Halloween and I went down on the scale; this, even with the early-week setback is something to celebrate. I feel very connected to my weight loss goals. With a great sigh, I say, “What a relief.” How come this time is sticking when (for a while now) I have felt so out of step? I don’t know. Is it important for me to know the answer to this question? Maybe it is. Maybe if I understood why my motivation dropped off then I could avoid future setbacks.

Somewhere along the line I mistakenly started associating food as a form of self-care. Over time, this became an unhealthy habit that went underground. What I mean by “underground” this habit was completely invisible to me. I am more self-aware than I used to be and I regard this new insight as marker of personal growth. I am wide awake and understand the nature of my learned behaviors. So, why does this unhealthy habit still take hold of me? It’s as though it is running beneath the surface and has the power to suck me back like an undertow.

The only thing I can think of is that maybe there are layers of awareness. I’m more aware than I used to be but not as much as tomorrow. Hey… wasn’t there a song that went like that?

My wish for you is that you are also traveling down this weight loss path and are feeling strong about your choices.

Hello November…

In November 2018, I made it to goal. It was a big deal I remember hugging everyone in my WW meeting. I was so thrilled and even though I am not at that goal weight currently, I still feel really good. I feel good for some important reasons:

  1. Control – I have a sense of control over my weight loss journey
  2. Energy – I am able to move through the world as I want
  3. Confidence – I feel good about myself because I believe in me
  4. Reflection – Good days/hard days are all opportunities to learn
  5. Connection – Body/mind connection being responsive not reactive to the ups and downs of a weight loss journey

I am not trying to say that I’ve got any of this all figured out. If you read my blog over the past few weeks you’d know that is not the case. However, I’d rather be dealing with my issues than being oblivious. This is better. So no matter what the scale says, I’m proud of myself and what I was able to do this week for me.


How can one piece of (thin-crust) pizza be 13 SmartPoints? I know it’s 13 sp. because I weighed it on my WW scale. At first I was really happy because it came up as 5 sp. until I realized (right away) it was too good to be true. Turns out I was reading ounces for grams, and THAT was very disappointing. So I ate my one piece of pizza, with salad and balsamic vinegar. Even though it was delicious, I was so distracted thinking about how little there was of it.

I hate to say it but this pizza situation is just the kind of thing that makes people give up. On one hand, it feels kind of rotten to restrict myself and watch everyone else eat what they want. On the other hand, now I am satisfied I’m not hungry, I can say I feel amazing to be in such control. To say I’ve got my hands full with this weight loss journey would be an understatement.

Giving up… think about what would I be giving up on? Me. I’d be giving up on me. I won’t do that, neither should you. In the moment it may feel bitter but getting through it, afterwards, it’s pretty sweet. Things change all the time. Name it, feel it, and I bet it will help you get through too.

Pay Attention Because You Just Might Miss It…

Important moments are sometimes so small they can easily be missed as they are happening in day-to-day life. I had one of those significant moments in the parking lot at school today. Students were on the way home, the buses had left the parking lot, and everything had gone from noisy to quiet. I was left loading heavy tote bags (filled to the brim) with work into the backseat of my minivan. My brain had already started to tick down my list:

  1. Pick up David from Driver’s Ed – if I leave now I’ll be on time
  2. Stop at the store and get some bread crumbs on the way home
  3. Get dinner started – you don’t want to wait on that it takes time
  4. Pack lunch – you need to get that done and make sure you track it
  5. Make a strategy for your school work, start by prioritizing…
    1. Set the agenda for tomorrow’s meeting
    2. Plan the demo writing lesson for … class
    3. Organize materials for TA training – that’s period 4 not 2
    4. Data review for tiered services – share it with… to make sure we have not missed anyone
  6. Find a pair of CRAZY socks (tomorrow is crazy sock day)
  7. Make a note to talk with… about… maybe try to…

My brain felt as though it was navigating busting city streets, briskly weaving in and out so I could reach my destination. What’s the best route? The list kept coming and I was getting sucked in by its enormity. I stood there, the van door still wide open, and I noticed that the sun was starting to slant lower than it did even a few weeks ago. Days are getting shorter and there is still so much to do.

I felt a pang inside and my eyes drifted over to the Stop & Shop bag where the blue box of Chex Mix jutted out. The Chex Mix, I mistakenly bought thinking they were only 4 SmartPoints and it turned out they were a gut wrenching 7! Way too much for a carb laced snack that will only leave me wanting more. I had pushed the bag deep into the back seat way back so if I wanted to grab it, I’d have to climb inside. “I’m hungry.” my brain wailed and then it hit me – that’s not what you’re hungry for.

Giant lists of things to do after working hard all day is overwhelming. I am setting myself up for major disappointment if I crack open a bag of Chex Mix when what I really want is some calm. “No. My brain insisted – you’re hungry.” I was hungry lunch was over four hours ago. Then I remembered, I saved the blueberries from lunch for the ride home just in case. I buckled my seat belt and snacked on blueberries. I turned on the radio and decided that in the words of my father-in-law, “Don’t worry, it will all get done dear.” I was calm, I was kind, and that made all the difference.

I exercised control in the face of that immediate want and I realized that this “want” is the “thing” that’s slowing down my comeback to healthy habits. I think this little moment has helped me turn yet another corner on my journey.

Be My Own Hero…

I have routine and rituals. Routines and rituals are what helps me to stay on plan Between yesterday, and today all of my routines and rituals were thrown out the window. Yesterday I just ate too much. Today I started off good, but was quickly followed by a series of bad events that thwarted my efforts:

  1. I packed my lunch but ended up having to work through lunch. By the time I got home, I was famished! Then overdid it with snack mix.
  2. I didn’t have dinner planned and I ended up making roast beef sandwich melts that were not plan friendly
  3. I found out I have to pick up my daughter from the train station at 11:00 pm tonight so that’s going to mess with my sleep

Some of today’s crack ups were just bad luck, some were a lack of planning on my part. It’s really hard to keep it all together, all the time. Now, I am thinking of of what I can do next…

  1. Continue to pack my lunch, and eat it before coming home no matter what.
  2. Plan ahead for dinner. We are going to eat breaded chicken, potatoes, and carrots tomorrow night.
  3. Get to bed by 10:00 pm for the remainder of the week. I know I can’t catch up on sleep but at least I can prioritize it.

The truth is, I’m pretty disappointed that I had two rough days after building so much momentum over the past week. Even though this really bothers me I can also say I am proud of myself for taking the time to write tonight’s post. I’m writing because I want to figure out why I did what I did and I’m doing this even though I have quite a bit of work left to do before I can call it a day. I am taking back a little time just for me and that’s something to celebrate.

We took Sadie for a walk – that’s a good thing.

So, I can either, sit here and call myself a failure and that be the end of it, or I can concentrate on what I learned and try to improve. I am practicing being resilient right now, I have a plan of action and even though my routines and rituals did not save me today it doesn’t mean they wont work tomorrow. Sometimes I have to be my own hero and rescue myself. Sometimes, I may have to fail and figure it out as I go. No matter what, I’m worth the fight. So are you, and don’t forget it.

Saving Up for a Rainy Day…

Rain is not a friend to weight loss, or at least not for me. Today has been a stay inside, snuggle up with blankets, watch movies, and snacking kind of day. Plus, we celebrated my son’s birthday so dinner was followed by ice cream cake. Need I say more? I am over my SmartPoints budget.

Perfect for today

Tomorrow is a new day.

Weigh the Pros & Cons…

It’s getting close to Halloween, and I said “No” (in my mind) to candy all day long. Then, I ate the lunch I brought with me, rather than buy lunch from the deli with my colleagues. I ended my day, shopping for a healthy dinner to prepare. I came home and cooked a healthy, reasonably pointed dinner for my family and me.

After all of this, I cleaned up and as I did so, I thought about eating the tub of Salted Caramel Enlightened Ice Cream that is in the freezer. Then I realized what was really happening, I wanted a reward. I wanted a reward for all of my efforts. The family was fed, the dishes were put away, a successful work day was behind me. I wanted something good just for me.

What do I really want? I want to reach my goal. I want to get back to Lifetime status. I want to be able to move easily with lots of energy. The last three days has been really good ones for me. I want to continue my success and get my groove back.

I have a problem though. I’m not sure if I should weigh in tomorrow. I’m not convinced that if I weigh in I won’t be discouraged when I find that my number on the scale has gone up. What should I do? I don’t know what I should do. I tried to write a pro’s and con’s list but I’m feeling stuck about that too. My feelings about it are too complex for a list. I want to be honest with myself, I want to feel like this is period of struggle was just part of my journey. Inside, that is what I believe. Then I think, well what if that number goes up a lot and then I feel defeated and demoralized? How can I recover from that?

A number does not define my success on this journey. I know that in my head, but do I believe that in my heart? I don’t want to be heartbroken tomorrow in the Moose Lodge. Standing there in stocking feet, on a (slightly) wobbly digital scale. Looking at the receptionist hoping she isn’t secretly judging me. I know she wouldn’t by the way, all the receptionists are lovely. Right now, you are listening to my lesser angels talking out of fear not reality. This is what I have to say to that, “It’s just a number. It’s just a number. It’s just a number!” I did something remarkable, Now I’m the road to doing something extraordinary because I’m in the midst of a comeback. I believe in me, and that’s why I will weigh in tomorrow. No regrets.

One last thing…

I try not repeat my blog titles, so I did a search for today’s post, and this post came up: “Beginning” It came up because I used the word, “prosperous” (pros) and “continued” (con). Funny. Then I read the post, and my own words came to my rescue.