Really, truly today is was a strong “Day Two”. I felt different the moment I woke up in the morning. I felt like a fog had been lifted and a reassuring sense of personal control had been restored. Here are some of the great things I did to help myself today:
I mediated last night before bed.
I weighed myself in the morning
I tracked my sleep
I tracked, weighed and measured my food
I was mindful about the food choices I made
I worked out and rode my bicycle for 30 minutes
I went for a walk with my husband.
All of these choices are helpful, and the great thing is that I savored each one. Every time I did something I was intentional about it because I was taking care of myself.
I am doing my best. My goal is to take good care of myself so I may be a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher. In short I can work on being a good human. That is where I am going to focus my energy.
More and more it is becoming clear to me that my weight is a barometer of my stress levels. And while I cannot control what is happening in the world, I understand that it is unreasonable to try to make everything better, I can work on my own personal growth.
I’ve written Day One… a lot lately. I weighed myself this morning, and I know I have a lot of work to do to get back to goal. I am left thinking, what do I still have to learn? Clearly, since I am struggling, there is something more to this journey and the way I see things, I can believe one or the other:
I will never really get control of my weight. I’ve tried and failed it will never be different for me.
I am faced with new circumstances and I need a new strategy. I am a learner who can grow from this.
Either one of these perspectives might be the truth for me. It is up to me to decide which one to believe. I believe in me. I am a learner, who has experienced a set back and I am going to figure out why. The most important thing is for me to understand my own situation so I may find a path for what is best for me to do.
If you’re struggling right now, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Make a plan and take small steps. Believe in you, do you, and try your best to be flexible with what it means to be successful. Right now I feel like a winner, because I am not giving up. I am gathering my strength and I am starting again. I will start again as many times as it takes until I get back to goal.
When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.
Today was a slip up but I’m not letting it move into a slide. I went over my Smartpoints and I know why. The reason, stress got the better of me. So what can I do next time?
Engage and examine where the stress is coming from
Say it out loud – I think there is something important about hearing the words
Make a different choice
That seems really simple, but maybe that is the best solution. I don’t know I will have to see when it happens again if it works. I am keeping at this, I hope you are too. We all can realize our weight loss goals if we believe in ourselves and our ability to do it. Say it with me, “I can do this.”
Work was challenging today. I’ve gotten to the point where I leave signs outside of my office for family members…
It is really difficult to record lessons and sit through the torcher of listening/watching them back. The pursuit of perfection is a very real danger in this circumstance. I feel like there is always something I could do better. I see a pattern between this experience and my weight loss goals
As I try to find my groove on plan, if I go for perfection, I am doomed. I have to face it, I am not a perfection kind of girl. There will always be something I can do better. So long as I live, there will always be a “next time” I will work on… That is the kind of person I am, and I am starting to really embrace this basic truth about myself. It’s not reasonable to expect perfection! The absence of perfection offers something that may be better, an opportunity to improve. Once there is no improving, there is no living really.
Getting back into good habits feels like relearning a line dance. I turn left, when everyone else turns right. I step forward when everyone is stepping back. Finally I fall in step with the others on the grapevine, hitting the double clap – I got it. Today was a good day on plan. I am rolling over points and I am not hungry. It’s a win.
I am embracing the fresh start effect I feel right now and am very hopeful that I am finding my way back to healthy habits. You may read that a lot over the next week, because it is important for me to hear these words so I can make it be true. I am shifting my focus to a learning stance by setting goals and measuring my progress. I am using my Recovery Checklist and it is helping me to celebrate what I am doing and it helps to keep it real.
Thanks to Shelley who is a member of the Stanford CT/ Greenlawn NY WW Zoom group who made a suggestion to write a list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet. She inspired me to think about a list of words that make me feel strong and then I created this:
Why do this? If I am going to be real with you I have to say, today feels like a lot of work to stay on track with healthy habits. It would be nice to ignore serving sizes, or not to not to have to debate one food choice over another. I really would like two pieces of pizza and that glass of wine. Don’t say it. I know I can have both but if I want more immediate success I really can’t. So now is a good time to circle back to my why – not just in the words that I share but with my whole being. Why do this?
I am doing this because I like having energy. I like being able to move more freely. I want to remain in the best health possible for the rest of my life. I like having lots of choice in the clothes I can wear. I like recognizing my own face in the mirror, when I was at my heaviness I was unrecognizable to myself. I remember how I felt back then, I remember how I felt after I achieved Goal and Lifetime status. The thing I remember the most was the good feeing of self control. These are the reasons that define my “why” so I am going to stick with it and power through.
We use movies to make sense of our lives sometimes. Everyone I know keeps saying how this pandemic has made it feel like the movie, Groundhog Day:
I must confess, if I were in touch with my healthy habits, I wish I felt like this were Groundhog Day. That would mean every day I would be connected to my healthy habits, I would be be on my way back to goal and I would be feeling in control and full of energy.
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling. I have written about this movie before, but now (more than ever) I think the movie that captures my narrative during this terrible time needs to be Captain Marvel:
Now is when I get back up and try again. I am only human, and I forgive my lapse and I believe I have the power to shape my experiences at least in terms of my weight loss goals moving forward. My name is Jenn, and today is my “clean slate day”, This is how I am going to start again:
Gain inspiration from others, I am going to attend a daily meetings
Write a post each day so I connect with others who understand
Track every meal because it works, and I can help myself
Checkin & and find ways to help me deal with stress
Start a bedtime routine to decompress and rest
I am feeling a lot of gratitude for my sister, Virginia, and my friend, Beth. They have both reached out to me and helped me in ways they probably don’t even understand. Virginia checks in and encourages me to do the things I don’t want to but I know I need to hear – weigh yourself… how are you doing on plan… Beth reached out after a meeting and let me know that it’s not just me there is struggle everywhere. Then she suggested I try other digital workshops, I did that today. Today, I attended a meeting in NYC hosted by Annie S. who was amazing. I left feeling very inspired.
As I reflect and consider what I am going to bring with me today, it is that although no one can forge my journey except me, I can connect with community to help myself get back on track. In a crazy world where everything feels out of control, I still have that power over this part of my life, my health and weight loss journey, and that helps. You help, thank you for reading.