Day Eight…

Weight loss involves an ongoing interior dialogue. Sometimes that “self-talk” is helpful, and sometimes, it isn’t What can be done with an unhelpful thought? Defusing those thoughts so they don’t ruin my progress is really important and was the topic o today’s WW workshop. Here is what I am going to do:

  1. Pay attention to what I am thinking. Like right now there is a piece of chocolate in the kitchen that is 4 SmartPoints. I don’t have anymore SmartPoints for the day, But I keep thinking about it and then thinking, if I eat that piece of chocolate I will probably start snacking on other things too. I just won’t track those things.
  2. How is that thought making me feel? Thinking about eating that candy, not tracking it, and possibly snacking on other food is very upsetting. This thought makes me feel small and weak. It makes me feel like I am losing control and I will fail at this. I don’t want to eat that piece of chocolate but I probably will.
  3. Interrogate the thought and the feelings it evokes: Is this thought true? No, it doesn’t have to be true. I can decide not eat that chocolate. Or even if I did eat it, it doesn’t mean I have to lose control, not track the foods I eat. None that is true. I’m not even hungry.
  4.  What do I really want? I really want to get back to goal. The candy is there for another day when I have more SmartPoints or when I don’t feel like eating will trigger a snack attack.

My version of the WW strategy is a little different but it is very effective. It helped to push me through this moment, it really helped. If you find yourself dealing with some kind of nagging inner dialogue, try this it works.

Some good news, I lost 5.9 pounds this week. It was a big win for me and to be honest I needed a big loss to help me gain some momentum. Let’s all have a great week.

R: Resilience is a strength word for me because it pretty much sums up where I am right now on my journey. In 2017 I began blogging and taking my weight loss goals seriously. It is resilience that has kept me on this path. Every time I find a way to engage it is because of resilience.

Day Six…

Living a healthy lifestyle in quarantine is hard and at this point I feel a little bit like the comeback kid. I was down for the count and now I have renewed energy to keep at it. I am in the midst of pulling myself out of my funk and into a good routine. That’s amazing, and I don’t take it for granted. Yet a nagging question persists, what am I learning from all of this? If I am not learning why this happens I am missing the point.

What am I learning?

  • I have the power to decide to change my behavior
  • I have the knowledge and tools to help myself live a healthy life
  • There are many people in my life who want to see me succeed
  • Caring for myself is not selfish it is necessary
  • Asking for help is a sign of personal strength
  • Having a community share my ups and downs keeps me grounded

If you are trying to improve your health, no matter where you are on that journey, GOOD FOR YOU! Treat yourself with kindness and self-care because there is no one in the world like you. You are irreplaceable, you are special, the world needs you. We are all a work in process and we need each other more than we know.

P: Peace is a word of strength because “peace” creates room for intentionality. Peace expands my potential for greater outcomes. Deep breathing, mediation, mindfulness are all ways to reach for inner peace.

Day Two…

Really, truly today is was a strong “Day Two”. I felt different the moment I woke up in the morning. I felt like a fog had been lifted and a reassuring sense of personal control had been restored. Here are some of the great things I did to help myself today:

  • I mediated last night before bed.
  • I weighed myself in the morning
  • I tracked my sleep
  • I tracked, weighed and measured my food
  • I was mindful about the food choices I made
  • I worked out and rode my bicycle for 30 minutes
  • I went for a walk with my husband.

All of these choices are helpful, and the great thing is that I savored each one. Every time I did something I was intentional about it because I was taking care of myself.

L: Love – I recently heard Jerry Seinfeld say, “Love is the general” when he was describing how people become great at what they do. “You gotta love it.” he said and I think that also includes how we feel about ourselves and each other. I feel a lot of love for my fellow humans.

Day One…

I am doing my best. My goal is to take good care of myself so I may be a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher. In short I can work on being a good human. That is where I am going to focus my energy.

K: Knowledge – Knowledge is a word of strength for me because I feel better about things if I have some information to draw from. I cannot control the world but I can control my own levels of understanding.

More and more it is becoming clear to me that my weight is a barometer of my stress levels. And while I cannot control what is happening in the world, I understand that it is unreasonable to try to make everything better, I can work on my own personal growth.

I’ve written Day One… a lot lately. I weighed myself this morning, and I know I have a lot of work to do to get back to goal. I am left thinking, what do I still have to learn? Clearly, since I am struggling, there is something more to this journey and the way I see things, I can believe one or the other:

Fixed Growth
I will never really get control of my weight. I’ve tried and failed it will never be different for me. I am faced with new circumstances and I need a new strategy. I am a learner who can grow from this.

Either one of these perspectives might be the truth for me. It is up to me to decide which one to believe. I believe in me. I am a learner, who has experienced a set back and I am going to figure out why. The most important thing is for me to understand my own situation so I may find a path for what is best for me to do.

If you’re struggling right now, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Make a plan and take small steps. Believe in you, do you, and try your best to be flexible with what it means to be successful. Right now I feel like a winner, because I am not giving up. I am gathering my strength and I am starting again. I will start again as many times as it takes until I get back to goal.

Day One…

If I just keep writing “Day One” one day my healthy habits will stick. In this moment, I am ready to begin again. I have not fully tuned out my weight loss journey over the past week (eight days to be exact) because it is always there, but I realize that I am trying to hide from it by saying, “On top of everything else, I just can’t do this right now.” That is the truth, and that’s ok.

This blog is a place for honesty, and in truth, I feel defeated and hopeful all at once. It’s like having a case emotional vertigo to cope with all the time. I go outside and it is a beautiful day and I am grateful for the sun and its warmth on my face. Then I see people walking around without wearing masks and I am resentful and feel cold towards my fellow humans. I remind myself that I can’t control what other people do, but that doesn’t give me any relief for how I feel.

Some questions I am struggling with are, is it even possible to decide to just live in the moments of gratitude? I don’t think that is possible, and more to the point, I don’t even think that is the answer I need. Am I being honest to say I am going to focus my own choices; to do what is best for me, and ignore what goes on around me? I don’t think I can do that, we are all connected, I don’t think that is possible, nor do I believe that is a path to personal growth.

I want this time in my life to teach me something, I want to grow wiser for having lived through this period in history. I imagine my life as the fulcrum and positive and negative experiences are the levers pivoting over me, radiating through me. I cannot support the weight of those experiences if I am not balanced at my core. I think I have to be fully present with each experience, and then let go of all of the feelings that come with it. Right now, this is a pleasant moment of reflection and I am grateful for this moment in time.

My intuition tells me this what I need to do and I am trust that. My wish for you dear reader is that you are finding a sense of balance and giving yourself permission experience life as it comes without scorn or remorse for how you are coping. This is hard, but we can get through it.

J: Joy Joy is a strength word for me because it reminds me to accept happiness as it comes without fear of loss. Being open to joy opens me up to beauty, laughter, curiosity, wonder, and awe.

Day Eight: Looking for Bright Spots in Trying Times…

It’s hard to be optimistic these days. Even my The Happiness Lab Facebook page I joined is filled with anxiety, isolation, and sadness. It is getting to the point where I cannot log into it because each time I do I read a post I feel the weight of my fellow humans. In one way I feel very connected and in another way I feel overwhelmed. Is that normal?

Then after working virtually all day, I tried to find paper towels and soap online and got a massive migraine and had to lay down. Now it’s nighttime and I can’t sleep, I’m a mess. Let’s face it I am stressed out. I went over my SmartPoints BUT I did track it all. So oddly that isn’t upsetting me so much. I tracked it, I weighed and measured my portions, and for the most part I was mindful. I also mediated this morning. So today as far as plan goes is a win. At least I can at control that part of of my life and that is very comforting. It is nice to be able to find a bright spot today. I wonder, how was your day readers? I hope you are coping with all this craziness. Be kind yourself, and know you’re not alone.

F: Family The word family gives me strength because everything I am is a reflection of them. The ones who raised me and grew up alongside me, my husband and children, nieces, and nephews. Friends who are like family. This gives me strength today for sure.

Day Three: Feeling Hopeful…

I am embracing the fresh start effect I feel right now and am very hopeful that I am finding my way back to healthy habits. You may read that a lot over the next week, because it is important for me to hear these words so I can make it be true. I am shifting my focus to a learning stance by setting goals and measuring my progress. I am using my Recovery Checklist and it is helping me to celebrate what I am doing and it helps to keep it real.

Thanks to Shelley who is a member of the Stanford CT/ Greenlawn NY WW Zoom group who made a suggestion to write a list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet. She inspired me to think about a list of words that make me feel strong and then I created this:

A: Anchor
The symbol of an anchor gives me strength because it reminds me that my resolve is is unwavering. I can do this.

I can do this, so can you. We can do this together.

Day Two: Feels Like Work…

Why do this? If I am going to be real with you I have to say, today feels like a lot of work to stay on track with healthy habits. It would be nice to ignore serving sizes, or not to not to have to debate one food choice over another. I really would like two pieces of pizza and that glass of wine. Don’t say it. I know I can have both but if I want more immediate success I really can’t. So now is a good time to circle back to my why – not just in the words that I share but with my whole being. Why do this?

Thank you, Fresno WW members for welcoming me today!

I am doing this because I like having energy. I like being able to move more freely. I want to remain in the best health possible for the rest of my life. I like having lots of choice in the clothes I can wear. I like recognizing my own face in the mirror, when I was at my heaviness I was unrecognizable to myself. I remember how I felt back then, I remember how I felt after I achieved Goal and Lifetime status. The thing I remember the most was the good feeing of self control. These are the reasons that define my “why” so I am going to stick with it and power through.

Get it Together…

I feel like I am in a groove. I am making progress. I tracked everything I ate and continued to keep a photo journal. I used 28 SmartPoints for the day:

A challenge for working from home is that I am here and so is everyone else. They all understand that I’m working, but since I’m right there in the dining room, I am very available to them too. I am going to clean up my office and move in there. It’s a more removed part of the house and I think that will help the situation.

Here are some things I am missing today:

  • I already miss spending time with my sister.
  • I miss being able to go to spin class and my in person workshop.
  • I miss feeling secure walking around with other people.
  • I miss dropping off my son at school – his last year of High School.
  • I miss working in classrooms of students.

Being afraid takes a toll and today I am feeling it more today than yesterday. I am scared for myself, my loved ones and friends, and for everyone else. Acknowledging how I really feel helps. Uncertainty is all around but the best thing I can do is be real with myself.

Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us. 

David Kessler 

Our House…

I was working in a quiet corner of my bedroom when the phone rang. It was Dave’s sister needing to talk. I put the computer aside on the ottoman and left the warm yellow embrace of my room, and went into the hallway past the blue lights seeping out of a gaming consul in my son’s darkened room. Down the wooden steps past the stained glass windows into the living room where Sadie pawed at a ball and did that cute growly bark I so adore. Then through the kitchen, where my daughters were playing Asian music, cooking tofu and vegetables. “Where’s daddy?” I asked. “I dunno upstairs?” Hayley offered, “No, I was upstairs…” I said as I headed down another set of stairs. I past the washer/dryer and walked into the office. There was Dave, laying on his back stretching out his back on a mat on the floor. “It’s for you.” I handed off the phone and thought for a moment, there is so much life in the house.

Comfort is waiting there in plain sight, all I have to do is to notice it. I really want to remember this moment I want to appreciate how it made me feel. I am home with my family – I love them and for this I am filled with gratitude and I want to make that feeling linger.

I took a picture of everything I ate today because I am putting in the effort to build up my healthy habits:

Here are somethings I did today to help me :

  • I tracked my food and planed ahead
  • I ate my meals without distraction
  • I wearing jeans, not sweatpants or workout clothes
  • I put on makeup and did what I could with my hair
  • I danced in the kitchen with my kids just for fun
  • I played with Sadie
  • I am appreciating my husband and all that he does for us

What are you doing to help yourself mange this crazy time in our lives? If you are looking for something engaging to do – here is a fabulous opportunity, The Science of Wellbeing:

Yale University is offering a free course online,
The Science of Well-Being, that teaches you how to be happier.

It is a really interesting course, and if you sign up, let me know. I’d rather spend my time finding comfort and thinking about personal happiness if I am able to.

One last thing, I got lucky today look what I found with my school books:

Finding this in my book bag felt like winning the Lottery