In November 2018, I made it to goal. It was a big deal I remember hugging everyone in my WW meeting. I was so thrilled and even though I am not at that goal weight currently, I still feel really good. I feel good for some important reasons:
Control – I have a sense of control over my weight loss journey
Energy – I am able to move through the world as I want
Confidence – I feel good about myself because I believe in me
Reflection – Good days/hard days are all opportunities to learn
Connection – Body/mind connection being responsive not reactive to the ups and downs of a weight loss journey
I am not trying to say that I’ve got any of this all figured out. If you read my blog over the past few weeks you’d know that is not the case. However, I’d rather be dealing with my issues than being oblivious. This is better. So no matter what the scale says, I’m proud of myself and what I was able to do this week for me.
How can one piece of (thin-crust) pizza be 13 SmartPoints? I know it’s 13 sp. because I weighed it on my WW scale. At first I was really happy because it came up as 5 sp. until I realized (right away) it was too good to be true. Turns out I was reading ounces for grams, and THAT was very disappointing. So I ate my one piece of pizza, with salad and balsamic vinegar. Even though it was delicious, I was so distracted thinking about how little there was of it.
I hate to say it but this pizza situation is just the kind of thing that makes people give up. On one hand, it feels kind of rotten to restrict myself and watch everyone else eat what they want. On the other hand, now I am satisfied I’m not hungry, I can say I feel amazing to be in such control. To say I’ve got my hands full with this weight loss journey would be an understatement.
Giving up… think about what would I be giving up on? Me. I’d be giving up on me. I won’t do that, neither should you. In the moment it may feel bitter but getting through it, afterwards, it’s pretty sweet. Things change all the time. Name it, feel it, and I bet it will help you get through too.
Important moments are sometimes so small they can easily be missed as they are happening in day-to-day life. I had one of those significant moments in the parking lot at school today. Students were on the way home, the buses had left the parking lot, and everything had gone from noisy to quiet. I was left loading heavy tote bags (filled to the brim) with work into the backseat of my minivan. My brain had already started to tick down my list:
Pick up David from Driver’s Ed – if I leave now I’ll be on time
Stop at the store and get some bread crumbs on the way home
Get dinner started – you don’t want to wait on that it takes time
Pack lunch – you need to get that done and make sure you track it
Make a strategy for your school work, start by prioritizing…
Set the agenda for tomorrow’s meeting
Plan the demo writing lesson for … class
Organize materials for TA training – that’s period 4 not 2
Data review for tiered services – share it with… to make sure we have not missed anyone
Find a pair of CRAZY socks (tomorrow is crazy sock day)
Make a note to talk with… about… maybe try to…
My brain felt as though it was navigating busting city streets, briskly weaving in and out so I could reach my destination. What’s the best route? The list kept coming and I was getting sucked in by its enormity. I stood there, the van door still wide open, and I noticed that the sun was starting to slant lower than it did even a few weeks ago. Days are getting shorter and there is still so much to do.
I felt a pang inside and my eyes drifted over to the Stop & Shop bag where the blue box of Chex Mix jutted out. The Chex Mix, I mistakenly bought thinking they were only 4 SmartPoints and it turned out they were a gut wrenching 7! Way too much for a carb laced snack that will only leave me wanting more. I had pushed the bag deep into the back seat way back so if I wanted to grab it, I’d have to climb inside. “I’m hungry.” my brain wailed and then it hit me – that’s not what you’re hungry for.
Giant lists of things to do after working hard all day is overwhelming. I am setting myself up for major disappointment if I crack open a bag of Chex Mix when what I really want is some calm. “No. My brain insisted – you’re hungry.” I was hungry lunch was over four hours ago. Then I remembered, I saved the blueberries from lunch for the ride home just in case. I buckled my seat belt and snacked on blueberries. I turned on the radio and decided that in the words of my father-in-law, “Don’t worry, it will all get done dear.” I was calm, I was kind, and that made all the difference.
I exercised control in the face of that immediate want and I realized that this “want” is the “thing” that’s slowing down my comeback to healthy habits. I think this little moment has helped me turn yet another corner on my journey.
I have routine and rituals. Routines and rituals are what helps me to stay on plan Between yesterday, and today all of my routines and rituals were thrown out the window. Yesterday I just ate too much. Today I started off good, but was quickly followed by a series of bad events that thwarted my efforts:
I packed my lunch but ended up having to work through lunch. By the time I got home, I was famished! Then overdid it with snack mix.
I didn’t have dinner planned and I ended up making roast beef sandwich melts that were not plan friendly
I found out I have to pick up my daughter from the train station at 11:00 pm tonight so that’s going to mess with my sleep
Some of today’s crack ups were just bad luck, some were a lack of planning on my part. It’s really hard to keep it all together, all the time. Now, I am thinking of of what I can do next…
Continue to pack my lunch, and eat it before coming home no matter what.
Plan ahead for dinner. We are going to eat breaded chicken, potatoes, and carrots tomorrow night.
Get to bed by 10:00 pm for the remainder of the week. I know I can’t catch up on sleep but at least I can prioritize it.
The truth is, I’m pretty disappointed that I had two rough days after building so much momentum over the past week. Even though this really bothers me I can also say I am proud of myself for taking the time to write tonight’s post. I’m writing because I want to figure out why I did what I did and I’m doing this even though I have quite a bit of work left to do before I can call it a day. I am taking back a little time just for me and that’s something to celebrate.
So, I can either, sit here and call myself a failure and that be the end of it, or I can concentrate on what I learned and try to improve. I am practicing being resilient right now, I have a plan of action and even though my routines and rituals did not save me today it doesn’t mean they wont work tomorrow. Sometimes I have to be my own hero and rescue myself. Sometimes, I may have to fail and figure it out as I go. No matter what, I’m worth the fight. So are you, and don’t forget it.
Rain is not a friend to weight loss, or at least not for me. Today has been a stay inside, snuggle up with blankets, watch movies, and snacking kind of day. Plus, we celebrated my son’s birthday so dinner was followed by ice cream cake. Need I say more? I am over my SmartPoints budget.
It’s getting close to Halloween, and I said “No” (in my mind) to candy all day long. Then, I ate the lunch I brought with me, rather than buy lunch from the deli with my colleagues. I ended my day, shopping for a healthy dinner to prepare. I came home and cooked a healthy, reasonably pointed dinner for my family and me.
After all of this, I cleaned up and as I did so, I thought about eating the tub of Salted Caramel Enlightened Ice Cream that is in the freezer. Then I realized what was really happening, I wanted a reward. I wanted a reward for all of my efforts. The family was fed, the dishes were put away, a successful work day was behind me. I wanted something good just for me.
What do I really want? I want to reach my goal. I want to get back to Lifetime status. I want to be able to move easily with lots of energy. The last three days has been really good ones for me. I want to continue my success and get my groove back.
I have a problem though. I’m not sure if I should weigh in tomorrow. I’m not convinced that if I weigh in I won’t be discouraged when I find that my number on the scale has gone up. What should I do? I don’t know what I should do. I tried to write a pro’s and con’s list but I’m feeling stuck about that too. My feelings about it are too complex for a list. I want to be honest with myself, I want to feel like this is period of struggle was just part of my journey. Inside, that is what I believe. Then I think, well what if that number goes up a lot and then I feel defeated and demoralized? How can I recover from that?
A number does not define my success on this journey. I know that in my head, but do I believe that in my heart? I don’t want to be heartbroken tomorrow in the Moose Lodge. Standing there in stocking feet, on a (slightly) wobbly digital scale. Looking at the receptionist hoping she isn’t secretly judging me. I know she wouldn’t by the way, all the receptionists are lovely. Right now, you are listening to my lesser angels talking out of fear not reality. This is what I have to say to that, “It’s just a number. It’s just a number. It’s just a number!” I did something remarkable, Now I’m the road to doing something extraordinary because I’m in the midst of a comeback. I believe in me, and that’s why I will weigh in tomorrow. No regrets.
One last thing…
I try not repeat my blog titles, so I did a search for today’s post, and this post came up: “Beginning” It came up because I used the word, “prosperous” (pros) and “continued” (con). Funny. Then I read the post, and my own words came to my rescue.
There used to be this show, “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” on TV. Contestants would be asked a series of questions, and when they got stumped they could use a Lifeline:
Phone a Friend – call a friend for help with an answer
Ask the Audience – poll the audience for help with an answer
50/50 – remove two of four multiple choice questions
How great it would be if I had these Lifelines for my weight loss journey? When I really think about it, in a way I do have them. My sister is my “Phone a Friend”. She is always there to support and encourage me. If I’m stuck she is the one who knows an answer. Sometimes the answers come from my workshop and blog communities. These spaces offer me an Ask the Audience option. Learning from the experiences of others is invaluable. Hum… that’s two for two! Sometimes, I really don’t know the answer and I just have to make my best guess.
today was another good one for the books. It was an extremely long day but I’m proud that I stayed on plan.
I had a great day on plan. It’s the first great day in a long while. It’s been a total of fourteen days since I wrote my last post and tonight I am writing from my heart. My weight loss journey is very important to me it has given me both confidence and energy. It has shown me that I can overcome obstacles and reclaim my personal sense of power. Since I’ve been on this journey, I have made important self-discoveries because writing these posts has pushed me to be more reflective. I am extremely grateful.
Even with all of these positive rewards, this is still hard. If you find yourself in a similar spot (thinking this is too hard) I hope you will give yourself the time and space you need to reengage with your weight loss efforts. You can do this, don’t forget that because it’s the truth. Thank you for reading. More tomorrow…
What are your personal beliefs about weight loss? Before you answer that question consider what informs a belief system. Beliefs are shaped (in part) by what the people around us say, our own experiences, and what we read from credible sources. If, upon reflection, you sense that there are some negative forces at play with your belief system for weight loss – it’s not really that surprising. Most people don’t believe long lasting sustainable weight loss is possible. So if you’re attempting to build up and fortify your belief system that not only is weight loss possible, but it is going to happen for you, seems like a tough sell well then those feelings just makes sense.
It’s all in the details. when Building a strong belief system Having a detailed plan of action to fall back on makes your peroanl outlook well – believable. You know because you’re make it happen.
I think I get into trouble when I make up a story for how my weight loss journey is supposed to go. Yes, I do get to write my own story, but that doesn’t mean I get to do a blow-by-blow for how it will go. My journey is not a linear path. There are many peaks and valleys even within one day.
I am so happy I was able to get some activity today. Activity helps my mood, it curbs my hunger, and it just makes me feel good. I ate a healthy breakfast at home, and I felt physically satisfied for over four hours. I ate a healthy lunch and again, I was satisfied. Then I came home from work and my stellar day took a downturn. I forgot to take something out to prepare for dinner when I left for work. I was tired from my commute and the weight of the day and things fell apart. I was very hungry and kept picking. At first, I had 28 grams of Boom Chicka Pop popcorn (4 sp.) and 15 grams of nuts (3 sp.). Then I ate salad with avocado (that I did not weigh) and a light English muffin. In the end I ate 2 slices of pizza and that is a hard meal to absorb in my SmartPoints balance.
I don’t know if today will set me back to the point where I end up going up on the scale on Saturday. I really want to keep my downward momentum going. The thing is, I’m making it more difficult than it needs to be, I can’t let myself get too tired or too hungry. I get to control that. I want to rally my energy to make it happen. So if I’m writing my own story, I might as well make this a good one. One where the I overcome my obstacles and win the day. I am going to tell myself over and over, I can do this. I know I can get back to Lifetime status and I am worth this effort. So are you, believe it.