Fighting the Battle …

Somedays are harder than others and today is one of those days. There was this delicious Carvel chocolate dipped ice-cream cone in my freezer. This blog is a place for the truth so I decided to that I should go ahead and have it. This is not a diet, there are no foods off limits. I can eat it if I want to. As I was taking out the cone from the paper bag, I was thinking, “I’m having it I want it.” Then I heard myself say, “Eat it but track it.” I laid it out on the table and looked at it, as I was keying in the letters…

c-a-v-e-l-i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m-c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e-d-p-p-e-d-c-o-n-e

I wasn’t able to find it so I began to scroll down checking out some of the other comparable choices 12, 14, 20 SmartPoints… I sighed, and thought about it because my goal this week is to be more present and intentional about my choices. I thought about how I practiced mediation this morning before getting out of bed. I thought about how I’m not really hungry. I thought about how far I’ve come, and how hard it was to get here. I put the cone back into the brown paper bag and slid the freezer door shut.

Why did I want the cone? Could be that I have some work to do that I don’t want to do right now. It could be that since I am feeling good physically I can fool myself into thinking that I can just eat whatever I want in whatever amounts. I might be thinking it’ll be fine, I can eat that because look at me I look good. It could be so many reasons. I think the more important thing for me to consider right now is how hard it was to say, “No.” to it. That was really hard in the moment. The moment is passed and now it feels easier, but in that moment, I had to really work hard to maintain my composure to think through it.

Hungry Days…

Some days I am hungrier than others. Today is a hungry kind of day. I don’t know why, but it just is. I started the day making pancakes, and I ate them and then I went back for seconds. That was not very helpful. Now I have that too full feeling and I’m trying to understand the behavior. Why’d I do that?

Maybe I am just hungry today. Maybe it’s because I have not had homemade pancakes in a long time. Maybe by making them I was reminded of a time when I didn’t have the same perspective on food as I do now. Maybe it’s some other reason I haven’t uncovered yet. Either way, the most important decision I have to make is the next one. Do I keep snacking and eating as if none of this already happened?

The answer is “No.” Instead, I want to make myself be present in this moment and deal with whatever feelings come next. I am self-aware and I can decide what to do next. Today is going to be a good day even though I had a slip up.

A Little Help…

Being part of the WW community has become very important to me. Saturday morning workshops have become something I look forward to because I care about the people, and I learn so much from everyone. Today I was inspired by their stories, and informed by their wisdom.


There is something beautiful about Saturday. It’s my fresh start day, and I love that feeling. My goal for this week, is to take that “fresh start” feeling for Saturday and extend it through the week. Every day, every meal, every activity, every mindful encounter is a fresh start. There is always room to feel good about my choices, and to improve. If I can achieve that goal I think it would do a lot for my sense of wellbeing. What’s the action plan?

  • Mindful mediation thinking about the new day each morning (BASICS on Headspace)
  • Being present in my choices thinking about each as one part of the whole day (not defining the whole day)
  • Positive self-talk and honest reflection about choices throughout the day
  • Mindful mediation thinking about the end of the day (END OF THE DAY on Headspace)

So now I’m wondering what goals will you set this week? What are you willing to share? If it helps, feel free to leave a comment. Your suggestion may be food for thought for someone else. A community is a wonderful place to think, share, and grow. We could have that here if we want it.

Go Me…

I did a good job this week. St. Patrick’s Day was challenging because I went way over my SmartPoints allowance that day. I do love my sister’s Irish Soda Bread, and my sister-in-law’s corned beef! I did recover from that and I’m ending my week with SmartPoints in my bank, and I have exceeded my fitness goal. I practiced my goal for being mindful about bedtime routines each night this week and it certainly helped me. I have to think on what would come next, I am not sure yet.

I hope I go down on the scale tomorrow but either way, I had a great week. I hope you did too. Please be good to yourself because weight loss is already hard enough.

Renewal and Transformation…

My husband is a painting contractor. Whenever I watch him work I am witness to an experienced craftsman. He is so nimble so skilled he can take what was once old, and make it seem brand new. I think about the people who will live in these spaces, and how his careful work will shape their house into the home they imagined. The home, that will hold their family. Then without hardly any notice he packs up his brushes and tools, his drops, and his lights into tidy bundles and is gone leaving something of value behind.

There are so many ways to make an impact in this life. For better or for worse our actions have the capacity to change the world and each other. And maybe, it’s the changing seasons from winter to spring but I am thinking deeply about renewal and transformation. The world will always be in a state of flux and so we will always be changing too. How are we supposed to manage this? If change is inevitable what is steady and true in this life? What can we count on?

We can count on ourselves and each other. We can count on the rhythmic patterns that trace a path through our lives. I am learning to appreciate the inherent beauty in this truth. Understanding that there will always be a wavy path, there will be challenges and celebrations; boredom and excitement; fear and safety and so it goes. Knowing this, helps to frame a better perspective of my weight loss journey.

Mockingbird Song

There is no one solution. There is no rigid rule. There is only mindful presence and a promise to honor your “why” for improving your health. The thing of value, the thing you are becoming more skilled at, the thing that you are working on is yourself. Happy Spring.

Naming and Knowing…

Dinner was delicious tonight, we ate little shell pasta with some mild sausage, homemade sauce, with melted mozzarella cheese. My husband made his famous garlic bread which was warm and crispy from the oven. Yum…

The truth is as soon as I was done eating, I wanted more. So I said (out loud to myself in my dining room), “I want to eat more of this but I’m not really hungry any more, I just like the taste of it and the shell pasta is a comfort food. ” Then I left myself linger with the taste of the food I just ate thinking about how good it was to eat. Something amazing happened, by naming the craving and knowing why I was craving it was enough for me tonight. It released me from the call of second helpings.. That’s a lot of growth for me.

I am enough, I can do this. I believe in me. My wish is that you believe in you and that together we all continue to become more present and intentional about our choices.

Process Over Dogma…

Weight loss is a process and I get into trouble when I start thinking in absolutes. There is a lot of dogma when it comes to losing weight. Only eat this.. not that… Don’t eat past this time… Drink this every other day… When I start thinking that way, I know I am making myself rigid and that’s when the process starts to break down.

A process is fluid that requires flexibility. When I’m loose I can roll with the punches. I have an empowered stance, I can rise to the occasion and face challenges that are all around me. When I embrace the process for weight loss, I have a sense of agency because I believe that my actions really matter and will make an impact on my life.

To say it plainly, “I got this, and so do you.”

Monday Madness…

Some Mondays are mundane, some are as predictable as clockwork, but today was pure madness. Today was an intense, I was busy from the moment I hung my coat to the last announcements. Then I stayed after work to help a colleague with her lesson planning. After that I had the pleasure of my long commute home. Lots of traffic that came to a crawl because of a minor accident. No sooner did I pull into the driveway, I had to turn around and drive my son to Nokado. I got home, again, and it was time to start writing.

What about dinner? My husband took care of that when he came home with a pizza but one slice of pizza wasn’t going to do it for me. Instead, I had a hot dog and and a knish (12 SmartPoints). I also ate a 1/2 cup of fat free yogurt mixed with 2 tablespoons of Sugar Free Hershey’s Syrup and a spray of Fat-Free Reddi-Wip (1 SmartPoints) and that satisfied my sweet tooth. Today, I am rolling over 4 SmartPoints so that will bring me up to 11 Weeklies by tomorrow.

Right now, the thing I’m looking forward to the most is my nighttime routine and getting a good night’s sleep. I think this week’s goal to mindfully practice my nighttime routines is really helping me to feel better. I am keeping up with drinking water and I am in for spin class tomorrow. I think the spin class will help my energy levels for the day.

In keeping with my MONDAY theme, and just for fun, I’m going to revisit some more carefree days and let the Bangles have the last word…

Write Your Own Rules…

I don’t think I ever fully appreciated the phrase, “that was a lucky mistake” before. It’s been my experience that it’s just no fun to make mistakes. There are lots of negative feelings that accompany them, feelings like, shame, embarrassment, fear, and vulnerability. Do you think it’s possible to move past these negative feelings and feel grateful for the mistakes you’ve made? How would looking at mistakes through a lens of gratitude be beneficial? I wonder, does it always have to be that way? I’m starting to think it doesn’t have to be that way, I think I can write my own rules when it comes to mistakes. I want to be more generous with myself, I want to lean into being more reflective and honest. I want to use my mistakes as a stepping stone for growth.

This week’s goal to be mindful during bedtime rituals and making sure I get enough sleep is going so much better than last week’s goal to roll over SmartPoints. Now I know, nurturing goals are working better for me. For where I’m at, right now on the journey, focusing on taking care of myself is more helpful. I only know that because I made a mistake last week.

So I used 47 SmartPoints today. Crazy. You may be thinking, ok that’s the real reason she’s writing about mistakes… But here is a little history lesson about my family. One of our traditions is that we spend St. Patrick’s Day with my brother and his family. All us “kids” get together have a great time and part of that is sharing a delicious meal. No one is left out; there is no drama, just good times. WW is teaching me how to do that and still be successful on my weight loss journey.

In my past a 47 SmartPoint day might have derailed my entire week. That’s not going to happen this time, I have learned from that mistake. I now understand how to avoid that outcome. That’s growth, and that self-discovery and that is a very big deal. How’s it going? What mistakes have helped you to grow? My advise, don’t run from mistakes look at them as an opportunity to learn, I think it’s just better that way.

Woke…

Weight loss is like a current in the ocean. It rises and falls… sorry I couldn’t resist! Just the same, I do believe weight is a fluid thing because I have found that my body weight is not static. Water retention, exercise, and so on all have an impact. It is sort of silly to be so uptight about being .4 up then down .6 the following week. One week I lost 1.4 pounds the next I gained .4 pounds. This doesn’t mean I’m losing my focus it means I’m on maintenance. I am learning to maintain a healthy body weight.

I think that for many years, I lived in more my head than in my body. Maybe, I was not mindful about my body because I felt inadequate. Maybe, it was because I was not a priority back then, my schooling was and then it was managing my life as a mother of young children. After that, the next big thing was landing a teaching job. When I think back on that time I realize I took my body for granted. In doing so, I missed out on a lot of years of good health and I made things more difficult for myself.

I couldn’t go on that way forever; fortunately, I woke up to the truth. While there are many things that are out of my control, I can still decide to do what’s best for me. Doing what’s best for me, doesn’t make me selfish. It took a while to get that, it makes me self-aware. My next goal is to learn how to be more present in my mind, body, and spirit.