The other day I was testing incoming Kindergarteners. I asked each child to build a tower of cubes and then I had to count how many of the twelve they could balance before the tower either fell or was dismantled. One clever child put two and three cubes on the the tower at a time. She was the most efficient builder – maybe she’s a future engineer!
Finding balance is a funny thing, it’s not a permanent way of being. It’s shifting and repositioning, adjusting and pausing – finding balance requires deliberate movement and strategy. Once it is achieved it is not a permanent state of being – eventually it falls or is taken down. In many ways, we are all trying to build a tower. Our cubes to balance are health, family, career, finance, friendships, politics, charity, and so on. As we yes, or no to these things we are stacking our cubes, and our towers either stand or fall.
Lately, I have been finding it difficult to coordinate my weight loss/ maintenance goals with my life. For so long I have been able to strike the balance that has made this journey possible. What comes with that are these states of disequilibrium. There have been periods of time, like now, where I can’t seem to catch it – balance eludes me and my “tower” falls. Yesterday was the turning point, I said yes to my health so I could say no to the old habits (overeating) that used to help me deal with stress. I found my balance.
Self-discovery never looks as profound on the screen as it is in the experience but this was a profound moment. I have uncovered another facet of this journey. I was able to look at myself in a very open and objective way. In other words I saw myself free from excuses or avoidance, instead of looking away I leaned in and paid attention to what I was doing and why I was doing it. I have been overeating to avoid stress and that’s not really helping me. It’s so true that you can’t unsee something, once you know it’s there. In my case I could see the old behavior for what it was and so I was able to turn it off. I rolled over 6 SmartPoints and had a satisfying day on plan.
My last words to you today are, don’t beat yourself up. Be kind, and you should expect to see your “tower” come cashing down because striking a balance on this journey can be daunting. However, keep rebuilding because each time you do you’ll learn something new and important about who you are. You can do it, I believe in you.
Today a teacher’s assistant made a joke that maybe I should gain some weight. Yes, that happened. I don’t think she meant to be insensitive, sometimes people don’t realize how their words may be received. I include myself in that crowd. I’m sure if you were to go through my posts, you’d find things that could be misinterpreted. Words are powerful. Sharing my story is one way I was able to get to goal and achieve Lifetime status. Now it’s an important part of how I manage maintenance. This is where I try to be completely honest about how it’s going.
So… how’s it going?
I’ve been struggling lately, I have found myself picking at food and not tracking. Eating some foods that are not helpful and tend to make me hungrier. For example, I love cereal but it’s not a good food choice for me. I’ve been finding myself in the kitchen on the hunt for something to eat when I’m not really hungry. It’s only just recently over the past few days, that I’ve been able to turn it around. I’m tracking and I’m rolling over points. I’m being thoughtful about what I eat and how much. I’m working on being mindful and that helps a lot.
I guess I’m learning not to be so fixed with my story and to just be open to what is really happening now. I can do this, I can do this. I can do this. So can you.
I was running an errand today, and I noticed some people who had a lot of weight to lose. The warmer weather is on the way, and being overweight or obese in the hotter months can be brutal. I couldn’t help but to think about how grateful I am to have lost the weight. Then I thought about how easily it an be put back on. Everything comes down to a choice. A choice to follow the program and stay in engaged, or a choice to return back to old habits. It’s not really possible to unsee the damage old habits can cause. As I think about the upcoming week, I have to consider all of this. Maintaining weight loss is a forever story, and I am happy to have to space to share my version of that story with you.
My featured image was from Saturday. Saturday was full of blue skies and leisurely walks through the park. It was bright and cheerful and I felt free to do as I pleased. Today was full of commuting in the rain, gloomy weather that was unseasonably cold. By the time I got home I was soaked. I can focus on the bad, or I can focus on the good. Either way, I think it’s important that I acknowledge them both.
This reminds me to remember there are good days and bad days on the journey. What I elect to focus on will help me to shape my attitude. I had a good day on plan, I’m signed up for spin, I believe in me. That’s how I see it.