If I just keep writing “Day One” one day my healthy habits will stick. In this moment, I am ready to begin again. I have not fully tuned out my weight loss journey over the past week (eight days to be exact) because it is always there, but I realize that I am trying to hide from it by saying, “On top of everything else, I just can’t do this right now.” That is the truth, and that’s ok.
This blog is a place for honesty, and in truth, I feel defeated and hopeful all at once. It’s like having a case emotional vertigo to cope with all the time. I go outside and it is a beautiful day and I am grateful for the sun and its warmth on my face. Then I see people walking around without wearing masks and I am resentful and feel cold towards my fellow humans. I remind myself that I can’t control what other people do, but that doesn’t give me any relief for how I feel.
Some questions I am struggling with are, is it even possible to decide to just live in the moments of gratitude? I don’t think that is possible, and more to the point, I don’t even think that is the answer I need. Am I being honest to say I am going to focus my own choices; to do what is best for me, and ignore what goes on around me? I don’t think I can do that, we are all connected, I don’t think that is possible, nor do I believe that is a path to personal growth.
I want this time in my life to teach me something, I want to grow wiser for having lived through this period in history. I imagine my life as the fulcrum and positive and negative experiences are the levers pivoting over me, radiating through me. I cannot support the weight of those experiences if I am not balanced at my core. I think I have to be fully present with each experience, and then let go of all of the feelings that come with it. Right now, this is a pleasant moment of reflection and I am grateful for this moment in time.
My intuition tells me this what I need to do and I am trust that. My wish for you dear reader is that you are finding a sense of balance and giving yourself permission experience life as it comes without scorn or remorse for how you are coping. This is hard, but we can get through it.
When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.
Today was a slip up but I’m not letting it move into a slide. I went over my Smartpoints and I know why. The reason, stress got the better of me. So what can I do next time?
Engage and examine where the stress is coming from
Say it out loud – I think there is something important about hearing the words
Make a different choice
That seems really simple, but maybe that is the best solution. I don’t know I will have to see when it happens again if it works. I am keeping at this, I hope you are too. We all can realize our weight loss goals if we believe in ourselves and our ability to do it. Say it with me, “I can do this.”
It’s hard to be optimistic these days. Even my The Happiness Lab Facebook page I joined is filled with anxiety, isolation, and sadness. It is getting to the point where I cannot log into it because each time I do I read a post I feel the weight of my fellow humans. In one way I feel very connected and in another way I feel overwhelmed. Is that normal?
Then after working virtually all day, I tried to find paper towels and soap online and got a massive migraine and had to lay down. Now it’s nighttime and I can’t sleep, I’m a mess. Let’s face it I am stressed out. I went over my SmartPoints BUT I did track it all. So oddly that isn’t upsetting me so much. I tracked it, I weighed and measured my portions, and for the most part I was mindful. I also mediated this morning. So today as far as plan goes is a win. At least I can at control that part of of my life and that is very comforting. It is nice to be able to find a bright spot today. I wonder, how was your day readers? I hope you are coping with all this craziness. Be kind yourself, and know you’re not alone.
Work was challenging today. I’ve gotten to the point where I leave signs outside of my office for family members…
It is really difficult to record lessons and sit through the torcher of listening/watching them back. The pursuit of perfection is a very real danger in this circumstance. I feel like there is always something I could do better. I see a pattern between this experience and my weight loss goals
As I try to find my groove on plan, if I go for perfection, I am doomed. I have to face it, I am not a perfection kind of girl. There will always be something I can do better. So long as I live, there will always be a “next time” I will work on… That is the kind of person I am, and I am starting to really embrace this basic truth about myself. It’s not reasonable to expect perfection! The absence of perfection offers something that may be better, an opportunity to improve. Once there is no improving, there is no living really.
This morning I woke up feeling good, I felt that familiar lightness to my step that has been missing for a long time now. It was another good day on plan, and I am rolling over points. A comeback is a lot of work but at least it is working.
For a long while I have wanted to try meditation but have been feeling too stressed to sit quietly and do it. Well tonight I mediated and it felt good. One good piece of information I am going to tuck into my pocket is that I can experience feelings and not overcomplicate them. There is no reason to hold onto anxiety by going deep into its source. I can experience it, acknowledge it, and let it go so I will recognize it when it comes back again. Another win,
I did my night time ritual to wind down my day, although, I am getting text messages from work (even now) but this also was a nice way to release the tension of the day. Working from home is challenging but I am grateful to have a job that I am able to work from home.
Getting back into good habits feels like relearning a line dance. I turn left, when everyone else turns right. I step forward when everyone is stepping back. Finally I fall in step with the others on the grapevine, hitting the double clap – I got it. Today was a good day on plan. I am rolling over points and I am not hungry. It’s a win.
I got a great tip today when I attended Ocean NJ WW Zoom group. They suggested making a list of five things to do when I am tempted to eat (and I’m not really hungry). Well I thought on that for a while and I created a tool:
I am embracing the fresh start effect I feel right now and am very hopeful that I am finding my way back to healthy habits. You may read that a lot over the next week, because it is important for me to hear these words so I can make it be true. I am shifting my focus to a learning stance by setting goals and measuring my progress. I am using my Recovery Checklist and it is helping me to celebrate what I am doing and it helps to keep it real.
Thanks to Shelley who is a member of the Stanford CT/ Greenlawn NY WW Zoom group who made a suggestion to write a list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet. She inspired me to think about a list of words that make me feel strong and then I created this: