Well… COVID19 has me feeling anxious. I am doing my best to cope with that but it is very hard. Anxious, is how I am feeling and I am just trying to live within this moment, knowing that it is important to feel my emotions and not suppress the unpleasant ones. Yet as I look around my house, it is very warm and the decorations look so beautiful. My house has never looked more lovely during the holidays as it does right now.
I think I need my home to be a beautiful space because I need a sanctuary, a safe haven against a world full of bad news. I need home more than ever which is strange because just like many of you, I have spent more time at home than ever before. Now I find myself counting the days till Christmas vacation because all I want is to be safe at home with the ones I love.
It was not hard to have a good day on plan, and that makes me very happy. I can feel the habits slipping into place, giving me the support I need to grow my comeback to my healthy lifestyle.
Driving through Huntington Village we came across the building that you see in my featured image. I just have to love the creative spirit that reimagined an old building. We actually went to Huntington to see their Tree of Hope:
Our COVID19 rates are getting higher and it was very crowded so we did not walk around but it did look beautiful.
Today was another successful day, and it was easier. I am so grateful things are turning around.
If 2020 has taught me anything it is this, I have a new found appreciation for the ability to feel optimistic. This is not to say that this year is in the rearview window, but for now, I am feeling optimistic about where I am. Someone reading this might be like, she is nuts. Why would she feel good after sliding backwards on her weight loss journey? To those people I might say, “Haters!” Just kidding. I think I would really say, “I discovered that I’m more resilient than I thought, that is a very good reason to feel optimistic. I’m back baby.” Oh I rolled over 2 SmartPoints and tracked everything. Woo Hoo!
Tracking a success today! Everything went into my #WW app. It doesn’t sound like much, but I feel really good about it. I am so appreciative of all the kind words of encouragement readers left me yesterday. Many thanks to you I am truly grateful.
The Purple plan on #WW affords 16 SmartPoints, and I did exceed that but the important thing is that I know that I did. So when one of my kids asked me if I wanted a hot cocoa, I said “No thanks, I have a seltzer.” Just being aware of what I have eaten today made a difference. So here is to starting small but starting non the less.
Have you ever lost something spent hours looking for it? Then as an afterthought, not really expecting to find it, you open the junk drawer in the kitchen and there it is looking at you in the face. “Hi, I’ve been here all along just waiting for you.” That is where I’ve been. I’ve been looking for my motivation to keep going on this journey to better health and weight loss since the pandemic began. I think I finally found the right drawer, in the very last spot I could have looked; and now, I am ready to begin again.
Beginning again, is an extremely generous gift I am giving myself. I have to confess, I have gained weight since #COVID19 took away the supports that helped me to get where I was. No more in person #WW meetings with my Greenlawn Goal Setters. The community that held me and kept me going has been dismantled by corporate and even though there are virtual spaces to “see” each other, it is not the same. I miss being with my dear sister every Saturday, carpooling to Greenlawn be with our friends. I have always maintained that it is the sense of community that makes #WW a successful program for me. This is not the only loss, #COVID19 has also taken away the 5:15 am spin with my favorite instructor, Michelle. Now I do not get the physical release that helped me deal with stress, and give me the boost to take on the day. And just when it couldn’t be worse, worry has been my constant companion throughout this dark time our lives.
The match that lit this flame to my newly found motivation was that my hubby convinced me to buy a new Peloton. I don’t have it yet, but just knowing there is one being made for me and that it is on its way is enough to stoke my inner motivation.
I’ve missed you, readers. I’ve missed the woman I am when I write for you too. I have felt like a failure, like an imposter, over these months. So many starts and stops only to dissolve into defeat. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not a failure, I am not an imposter. I have to keep telling myself my own story, that I have done this once and I can do it again. It’s not like I’m starting completely over. I am still way ahead of where I once was. I am going to keep it simple. I’m going to track my food in my tracker, next week I’m going to weigh in at home, and I am going to get enough rest. And if you’ll have me, each day I am going to write you and let you know how it is going. I hope you are well, Let’s just believe in ourselves together that we can do this. Ok? More tomorrow.
I feel like I am in a groove. I am making progress. I tracked everything I ate and continued to keep a photo journal. I used 28 SmartPoints for the day:
A challenge for working from home is that I am here and so is everyone else. They all understand that I’m working, but since I’m right there in the dining room, I am very available to them too. I am going to clean up my office and move in there. It’s a more removed part of the house and I think that will help the situation.
Here are some things I am missing today:
I already miss spending time with my sister.
I miss being able to go to spin class and my in person workshop.
I miss feeling secure walking around with other people.
I miss dropping off my son at school – his last year of High School.
I miss working in classrooms of students.
Being afraid takes a toll and today I am feeling it more today than yesterday. I am scared for myself, my loved ones and friends, and for everyone else. Acknowledging how I really feel helps. Uncertainty is all around but the best thing I can do is be real with myself.
Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us.
There are no boundaries for my life these days. My work has infiltrated my home, and kept me busy all day and into the evening. I am happy to be of service but I feel out of whack. I really need to get a schedule and stick with it. So that is something I am going to focus on.
On a positive note, I am very grateful that my husband colored my hair today. There is a sentence I never thought I’d write. He really did a good job, now maybe he has to learn how to cut hair?
Another good day on plan, I tracked everything I ate and even kept the photo journal like the one I shared yesterday:
Little victories, and small moments of gratitude – this was today.
I was working in a quiet corner of my bedroom when the phone rang. It was Dave’s sister needing to talk. I put the computer aside on the ottoman and left the warm yellow embrace of my room, and went into the hallway past the blue lights seeping out of a gaming consul in my son’s darkened room. Down the wooden steps past the stained glass windows into the living room where Sadie pawed at a ball and did that cute growly bark I so adore. Then through the kitchen, where my daughters were playing Asian music, cooking tofu and vegetables. “Where’s daddy?” I asked. “I dunno upstairs?” Hayley offered, “No, I was upstairs…” I said as I headed down another set of stairs. I past the washer/dryer and walked into the office. There was Dave, laying on his back stretching out his back on a mat on the floor. “It’s for you.” I handed off the phone and thought for a moment, there is so much life in the house.
Comfort is waiting there in plain sight, all I have to do is to notice it. I really want to remember this moment I want to appreciate how it made me feel. I am home with my family – I love them and for this I am filled with gratitude and I want to make that feeling linger.
I took a picture of everything I ate today because I am putting in the effort to build up my healthy habits:
Here are somethings I did today to help me :
I tracked my food and planed ahead
I ate my meals without distraction
I wearing jeans, not sweatpants or workout clothes
I put on makeup and did what I could with my hair
I danced in the kitchen with my kids just for fun
I played with Sadie
I am appreciating my husband and all that he does for us
What are you doing to help yourself mange this crazy time in our lives? If you are looking for something engaging to do – here is a fabulous opportunity, The Science of Wellbeing:
It is a really interesting course, and if you sign up, let me know. I’d rather spend my time finding comfort and thinking about personal happiness if I am able to.
One last thing, I got lucky today look what I found with my school books: