It was a missed opportunity that I decided to not track on Tuesday. I think the lesson I’m taking from this week is that I’d rather know. Next time, I’m going to try to track even when I don’t want to. I can do it I know that I can.
I changed some of the language on my WW Recovery Checklist because I want to better capture my reflections so I can make more informed goals.
Snacking on the banana that I didn’t eat this morning, I find myself thinking about how good my day is going. I went to spin class this morning so that makes the third class I attended this week. I exited the gym to a beautiful sunny morning. I am really proud of myself for making the choice to go. Recording my data for the week, is helping me to build myself up. Doing this, makes my progress more visible to me and I am finding this exercise very helpful.
I think I’m turning over a new leaf and heading into a good period for my weight loss/maintenance goals. Goals related to weight may be difficult at times, but I can do difficult things. So can you. More tomorrow.
Objectivity and weight loss can be a difficult marriage. So much of weight loss is knotted up on the emotional side of my brain and not necessarily the analytical. So to remedy this, I decided to do a data dive:
I looked at my FitPoints
I looked at my tracker (knowing there is some missing data there)
I read over this week’s blog posts
I look at it like there are three broad categories: Gave Up; Struggling; Success. Here is what I found…
I’m projecting today as a “Success” even though it’s not over yet. I can tell it’s going to be a strong day for me though. This little exercise of getting “granular” (I find many administrators like that term, but for today, right now it fits) is helping me think through my current situation. The current situation is I am floundering on plan this week.
This is the story for each day:
Saturday: I attended my Workshop, I went to a kickass spin class I earned 19 FitPoints. I reflected on my blog, and I used 23 SmartPoints – Success!
Sunday: I was very thoughtful about my habits, and I went back to prepping my vegetables for the week, I used 21 SmartPoints – Success!
Monday: I had a stressful start to the work week. I reflected on the value of tracking. I ate when I was not hungry. I used 30 SmartPoints – Struggle.
Tuesday: I had a strong start with another amazing spin class I earned 16 FitPoints. I had to stay at work late, I was there until 7:20 pm. I had a 6:30 pm parent presentation to do, and I found myself picking at chips between work ending and that meeting. Then by the time I got home, close to 8:00 pm. I didn’t care and just ate whatever and didn’t track it. I don’t know how many SmartPoints I used – Gave Up.
Whatever happens, the choice is always up to me. Some days I’m stronger than others. I am electing to put today in the Success category because I can tell today will be a good one. I feel in control, and I have already – signed up for spin for tomorrow, packed/tracked my breakfast and lunch, and I know what I’m making for dinner. Having some data to go back to is important, it’s a gift I gave to myself. I can tell what I’m doing well so I can do more of that. I can think through my mistakes so I can try to be more strategic next time.
I’m not perfect, and I think it’s safe to say, none of us are. Kindness. Gratitude. Objectivity. Reflection. Resolve. These are the words that I am surrounding myself with. I can do this.
What happened? I feel like I gave up today. I had to work late and by the time I got home I just didn’t care about anything and I ate whatever was easy, and I didn’t track it! I feel miserable about it, especially since I was writing about how important tracking is yesterday.
Was the whole entire day a loss? No, I went to spin class at 5:15 am and I had a great workout. I really appreciated having a strong start to the day. I love how strong spin makes me feel physically and by the end of the workout there are no stressful emotions or thoughts. Another good thing I did was to pack and track my breakfast and lunch. Taking the time to do these things shows how much I value my weight loss goals. All of these things are true about today.
It feels good to think about the good more than the bad. However, I am haunted by the behaviors that tonight evoked in me. I was not mindful by the time I got home. I was ravenous and stressed and my choices reflect that state of mind. Now, just I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed without packing my breakfast and lunch. Tomorrow, is a fresh chance to start over.
Here is the truth about tracking, sometimes making the choice to track is a struggle. Sometimes I just want to eat something without recording it, because when I record it I am held accountable. Sometimes, I decide not to track when I go over my SmartPoints balance. Tonight, I’m not allowing myself that delusion that it doesn’t matter if I eat those fig bars (the package of fig bars has two and one bar is a serving… I ate both). Now my SmartPoints balance is 30 for the day. I’m over my range for weight loss, but still within the range for maintenance. I wouldn’t have known that had I not tracked and thought about it.
Here is another truth about tracking, tracking helped me lose the weight. It just works for me. If I’m avoiding tracking or are unhappy about the numbers in my tracker, then I have to consider why. I don’t like seeing 30 SmartPoints in my tracker tonight. Why’d I do it? I had eaten dessert, I was satisfied with dinner. I think the reason why I ate the extra dessert is because I had a giant bag full of work that had to get done. It took me from when I got home, (excluding making dinner, running my son to Nokado) till 10:45 pm. Obviously, this was frustrating and that probably had something to do with my choice to eat the fig bars.
This week, at my WW Studio, we had a discussion about ways to change unhelpful habits. Change the habit change the outcome, I’ve been writing about Habit Loops since Day Fifteen of my journey. I am intrigued by Habit Loops and how unconscious we are to the pull of our hidden habits. For example, somewhere along the line I created a bad habit of associating my emotions as a cue to eat. Sound familiar anyone? I know I’m not alone.
One strategy I want to try when I feel stressed, or I suddenly find myself on the hunt in the kitchen when I’m not really hungry, is doing a quick write. Today I watched a video for a few minutes, and started writing for five minutes about what I experienced and thought about and then a few more minutes to read over my writing. Try it, it’s fun.
My Quick Write: I am present now…
The moon is floating and it’s hard to tell where the water meets the horizon. The warm light cascades over calm seas and there is only the sound of water lapping up against my boat and the smell of salt and teak. I am struck by how the creamy golden light wavers, dips, and shimmers like some strange exotic being. It is light it is radiant and I am reminded again this is not of this world. It is a visitor from above. Then as it breaks away to give the sea that one last embrace, it curves towards the edge of the sky and is gone. It is tucked away as the sun slides in and a new day has begun.
When will I say “No” which path will I take? I can say, “No.” to my weight loss goals, I can say, “No more tracking,” I can say, “No. No more. I can’t do this.” That’s one path I can follow. Or, I can say, “No, even though this is difficult, I can do this.” I can say, “No.” to temptation. I can even say, “No. I will not give up. I can do this.”
Even though I have a lot of support on my weight loss journey (and I really do) in the end, the the voice that is in my head is totally up to me. I will say, “No.” to negativity so I can have what i really want. My why, I am worthy of good health and happiness.
It was a good week. I made my fitness goals, and I tracked everything. I am continuing to remind myself that I can do this – that even though I’ve slipped up here and there I am still good. This is my story and I’m sticking to it.
There is a process to beginnings and endings, they cycle throughout life. There is a natural order them. In a way it’s comforting to know that things begin and end. Maybe that’s why maintenance is a hard sell. It feels as though it doesn’t begin and end, it feels like it just has to go on and on – that it just endures.
It’s not true. There is a cycle of beginnings and endings when it comes to maintenance. There are times when I get a burst of energy and look at maintaining my weight loss with brand new eyes. It’s a new beginning. There are other times when good streak will come to an end. I’m looking at you, Easter.
Actually, it’s been a very good week on plan. I have rolled over points, worked out and made my fitness goals. It’s the start of something good. It’s the end of overindulging.
Tonight I want to remind myself to keep going. I spent all this time and effort to regain my life back by losing 93 pounds. I did it so I could live the rest of my life as the best possible version of myself. For me, that had to involve weight loss. I did all of this as a gift to myself, because this was a gift that only I could grant. If I wanted to make a big change in my life, it had to begin with me. Jennifer, remember to…
Keep going – you can maintain your weight loss
Keep going – you can accomplish your professional goals
Keep going – you are a loving wife and mother who is what they need
Keep going – you have everything you need and you are enough