The word “glimpse” is tugging at my thoughts today. Not as a noun but as a verb: to see or perceive briefly or partially. A noun is fixed but a verb moves. A verb indicates action, a verb is life in the motion. A glimpse can be easily dismissed because they happen so quickly; however, when people are fully present in their actions a glimpse can be a cause for celebration. I wonder about all the people who are on a weight loss journey like me, what glimpses are they catching along the way?
In the mornings when I wake up, I catch a glimpse of that familiar energy that came from the many days of living a healthy lifestyle. My head is clear, I am just the tiniest bit hungry, and I feel ready to take on the day. In that way, that momentary perception that could be easily overlooked, but when I catch it, it encourages me to keep going.
I am going to celebrate the small victories and just say that I am hopeful for tomorrow’s weigh-in.
Living a healthy lifestyle in quarantine is hard and at this point I feel a little bit like the comeback kid. I was down for the count and now I have renewed energy to keep at it. I am in the midst of pulling myself out of my funk and into a good routine. That’s amazing, and I don’t take it for granted. Yet a nagging question persists, what am I learning from all of this? If I am not learning why this happens I am missing the point.
What am I learning?
I have the power to decide to change my behavior
I have the knowledge and tools to help myself live a healthy life
There are many people in my life who want to see me succeed
Caring for myself is not selfish it is necessary
Asking for help is a sign of personal strength
Having a community share my ups and downs keeps me grounded
If you are trying to improve your health, no matter where you are on that journey, GOOD FOR YOU! Treat yourself with kindness and self-care because there is no one in the world like you. You are irreplaceable, you are special, the world needs you. We are all a work in process and we need each other more than we know.
Yes! Almost through an entire week back on plan. Here is my day so far:
Do you like the little fire emoji for my 5 day streak? It reminds me of the old days when WW gave out BRAVO stickers. Being back on track on WW has a big impact on me. Food tastes better, I am more intentional, I am motivated to move more. It’s incredible. Complacency must be the root cause for the disconnect with my weight loss journey.
What made me complacent though? I suspect it is because I stopped putting myself first. Man just writing that is hard because as a wife and mother it sounds selfish. Putting myself first doesn’t mean I don’t love my children or my husband, it means I love me TOO. It is so easy to get caught up in bad news of the world. It is so easy to get pulled into personal drama. It is so easy to put myself last on the list when living and working from home makes me physically available to everyone else. These are the reasons, I fear, that is what made me gain back some of the 93 pounds I lost.
I hope I learn this lesson for real this time. Remember, hope is one of my “strength” words. If you find yourself in a similar situation, say it with me:
“I am worthy of self-care. I love me TOO. Everything I am doing for myself will also benefit the people I love the most in this world. I believe in me.”
I am just a traveler like you on a weight loss journey
Gratitude is at the heart of everything today. Catching my rhythm on my weight loss journey, being able to ride my bicycle, having healthy food available, a safe home to live in, a family to love, meaningful work. All of this is so easy to take for granted, when really it is all a gift. I just don’t know why I forget that sometimes.
Just like a switch that is flipped, a light comes on, and I can see what it is I need to do to be successful on my weight loss journey. It is amazing to me. Why does the switch gets flipped either way? I know that when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I shut down. and then I look for comfort food. Not being able to go spin class presents a problem too because spin class alleviates my stress levels. Put them together, bam the switch goes off and I’m standing in a dark room eating pop tarts from a foil bag.
How does the switch flip back up? The answer to that is more elusive. I’m not sure how I manage to get back on track. Habit change is built around belief, and I guess I just remember that I believe I can change, I do the things that I know work, and I reflect on everything. Plus, a little good news never hurts, big shout outs to my nephew Zachary who fixed my bike for me! You’re the best Zach! I have been getting good workouts and that makes me feel so much better.
I am so grateful that my healthy habits have flipped towards the light. it is day three and I am feeling in control and I am already getting good results. This phase is another hurdle in my weight loss journey. If you need a little support, let me know what’s going on. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out.
Really, truly today is was a strong “Day Two”. I felt different the moment I woke up in the morning. I felt like a fog had been lifted and a reassuring sense of personal control had been restored. Here are some of the great things I did to help myself today:
I mediated last night before bed.
I weighed myself in the morning
I tracked my sleep
I tracked, weighed and measured my food
I was mindful about the food choices I made
I worked out and rode my bicycle for 30 minutes
I went for a walk with my husband.
All of these choices are helpful, and the great thing is that I savored each one. Every time I did something I was intentional about it because I was taking care of myself.
I am doing my best. My goal is to take good care of myself so I may be a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher. In short I can work on being a good human. That is where I am going to focus my energy.
More and more it is becoming clear to me that my weight is a barometer of my stress levels. And while I cannot control what is happening in the world, I understand that it is unreasonable to try to make everything better, I can work on my own personal growth.
I’ve written Day One… a lot lately. I weighed myself this morning, and I know I have a lot of work to do to get back to goal. I am left thinking, what do I still have to learn? Clearly, since I am struggling, there is something more to this journey and the way I see things, I can believe one or the other:
I will never really get control of my weight. I’ve tried and failed it will never be different for me.
I am faced with new circumstances and I need a new strategy. I am a learner who can grow from this.
Either one of these perspectives might be the truth for me. It is up to me to decide which one to believe. I believe in me. I am a learner, who has experienced a set back and I am going to figure out why. The most important thing is for me to understand my own situation so I may find a path for what is best for me to do.
If you’re struggling right now, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Make a plan and take small steps. Believe in you, do you, and try your best to be flexible with what it means to be successful. Right now I feel like a winner, because I am not giving up. I am gathering my strength and I am starting again. I will start again as many times as it takes until I get back to goal.
If I just keep writing “Day One” one day my healthy habits will stick. In this moment, I am ready to begin again. I have not fully tuned out my weight loss journey over the past week (eight days to be exact) because it is always there, but I realize that I am trying to hide from it by saying, “On top of everything else, I just can’t do this right now.” That is the truth, and that’s ok.
This blog is a place for honesty, and in truth, I feel defeated and hopeful all at once. It’s like having a case emotional vertigo to cope with all the time. I go outside and it is a beautiful day and I am grateful for the sun and its warmth on my face. Then I see people walking around without wearing masks and I am resentful and feel cold towards my fellow humans. I remind myself that I can’t control what other people do, but that doesn’t give me any relief for how I feel.
Some questions I am struggling with are, is it even possible to decide to just live in the moments of gratitude? I don’t think that is possible, and more to the point, I don’t even think that is the answer I need. Am I being honest to say I am going to focus my own choices; to do what is best for me, and ignore what goes on around me? I don’t think I can do that, we are all connected, I don’t think that is possible, nor do I believe that is a path to personal growth.
I want this time in my life to teach me something, I want to grow wiser for having lived through this period in history. I imagine my life as the fulcrum and positive and negative experiences are the levers pivoting over me, radiating through me. I cannot support the weight of those experiences if I am not balanced at my core. I think I have to be fully present with each experience, and then let go of all of the feelings that come with it. Right now, this is a pleasant moment of reflection and I am grateful for this moment in time.
My intuition tells me this what I need to do and I am trust that. My wish for you dear reader is that you are finding a sense of balance and giving yourself permission experience life as it comes without scorn or remorse for how you are coping. This is hard, but we can get through it.
When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.