How are you all doing? Are you feeling ok? How’s it going with your weight loss/ health goals? You may be thinking, “Wait, who are you again?” or maybe, “Well, where has she been?” If you are feeling abandoned, or if you are thinking I’m a fraud because of this long absence, all I can say is I’m sorry.

I have been in the weight loss/healthy lifestyle dungeon. Held there by shackles of my own design, constructed by my fears, my loss of control, and self-doubt.

My fears…

Don’t underestimate the fear factor. It’s rooted in biology, and there are other blogs that are far more capable than I to explain it. See: AJMC What is important here is to understand that fear is not just in the mind it is in our bodies, our hormones and it can shape perspectives from the inside out. I have been afraid since March, and I am still afraid. The result of this is that there have been so many starts and stops with my efforts to maintain my healthy lifestyle. I’m ready to try again. Here are the big three actions I’m taking to deal with my fear:

• Increase foods with Omega-3 fatty acids
• Exercise daily at least for 20 minutes
• Practice nighttime rituals to get more rest

Loss of Control…

When I look back on my success with weight loss, the common feature was my ability to take control over the situation. I could wake up at 4:30 am to go to early morning Spin. I packed my meals, I prepped my foods with (relatively) little distraction. I could reward myself with a trip to TJMaxx for a new outfit, a nice dinner out, or a manicure. Now, I realize just feeling safe inside a food store or a gym class was a luxury. My sense of control, and the kinds of rewards I get from weight loss are stripped down to just this:

• I can control my actions to better my health, and my reward for that is a healthy body and mind to get me through these difficult times.

Self-Doubt…

The struggle is real, and I have felt like an imposter more times than I can count since the pandemic began. Self-doubt has clouded my sense of accomplishment and has diminished my resolve to keep going. I have imagined waking up with all the weight back. That has not happened, but I have gained weight since March. Now, is the time to believe in me and I am very grateful that I am the kind of person who has the resilience to fight off the self-doubt and keep going.

• 

• 

Finding My Way…

I made some changes. I am following the #purple plan on WW. This plan offers the most zero SmartPoint foods. I need to feed my body nutrient rich foods right now, and this plan is designed to help people eat more whole foods. Since I started following the Purple Plan I am finding that I am not hungry at all. Another change, I am riding my bicycle, and walking my dog. The reward I get is not the same as Spin, I don’t feel that mellow muscle burn that I really loved after doing these activities.My reward is knowing that I got to be in the sunshine, I breathed fresh air, and was present in my neighborhood. The last change, I am being very honest and open with my friends and family about how I’m feeling. If it is not a good day, I don’t pretend that it is. I am letting myself experience all my feelings and this is helping me.

• 

• 

If you are reading this and find yourself identifying with anything I have written today, at least you know you are not alone. Weight loss is difficult under the best of circumstances, so if it is not going so well, please be kind to yourself. Don’t give up.