Really, truly today is was a strong “Day Two”. I felt different the moment I woke up in the morning. I felt like a fog had been lifted and a reassuring sense of personal control had been restored. Here are some of the great things I did to help myself today:
I mediated last night before bed.
I weighed myself in the morning
I tracked my sleep
I tracked, weighed and measured my food
I was mindful about the food choices I made
I worked out and rode my bicycle for 30 minutes
I went for a walk with my husband.
All of these choices are helpful, and the great thing is that I savored each one. Every time I did something I was intentional about it because I was taking care of myself.
L: Love – I recently heard Jerry Seinfeld say, “Love is the general” when he was describing how people become great at what they do. “You gotta love it.” he said and I think that also includes how we feel about ourselves and each other. I feel a lot of love for my fellow humans.
I am doing my best. My goal is to take good care of myself so I may be a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher. In short I can work on being a good human. That is where I am going to focus my energy.
K: Knowledge – Knowledge is a word of strength for me because I feel better about things if I have some information to draw from. I cannot control the world but I can control my own levels of understanding.
More and more it is becoming clear to me that my weight is a barometer of my stress levels. And while I cannot control what is happening in the world, I understand that it is unreasonable to try to make everything better, I can work on my own personal growth.
Some pictures from my house
I’ve written Day One… a lot lately. I weighed myself this morning, and I know I have a lot of work to do to get back to goal. I am left thinking, what do I still have to learn? Clearly, since I am struggling, there is something more to this journey and the way I see things, I can believe one or the other:
Fixed
Growth
I will never really get control of my weight. I’ve tried and failed it will never be different for me.
I am faced with new circumstances and I need a new strategy. I am a learner who can grow from this.
Either one of these perspectives might be the truth for me. It is up to me to decide which one to believe. I believe in me. I am a learner, who has experienced a set back and I am going to figure out why. The most important thing is for me to understand my own situation so I may find a path for what is best for me to do.
If you’re struggling right now, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Make a plan and take small steps. Believe in you, do you, and try your best to be flexible with what it means to be successful. Right now I feel like a winner, because I am not giving up. I am gathering my strength and I am starting again. I will start again as many times as it takes until I get back to goal.
If I just keep writing “Day One” one day my healthy habits will stick. In this moment, I am ready to begin again. I have not fully tuned out my weight loss journey over the past week (eight days to be exact) because it is always there, but I realize that I am trying to hide from it by saying, “On top of everything else, I just can’t do this right now.” That is the truth, and that’s ok.
This blog is a place for honesty, and in truth, I feel defeated and hopeful all at once. It’s like having a case emotional vertigo to cope with all the time. I go outside and it is a beautiful day and I am grateful for the sun and its warmth on my face. Then I see people walking around without wearing masks and I am resentful and feel cold towards my fellow humans. I remind myself that I can’t control what other people do, but that doesn’t give me any relief for how I feel.
Some questions I am struggling with are, is it even possible to decide to just live in the moments of gratitude? I don’t think that is possible, and more to the point, I don’t even think that is the answer I need. Am I being honest to say I am going to focus my own choices; to do what is best for me, and ignore what goes on around me? I don’t think I can do that, we are all connected, I don’t think that is possible, nor do I believe that is a path to personal growth.
I want this time in my life to teach me something, I want to grow wiser for having lived through this period in history. I imagine my life as the fulcrum and positive and negative experiences are the levers pivoting over me, radiating through me. I cannot support the weight of those experiences if I am not balanced at my core. I think I have to be fully present with each experience, and then let go of all of the feelings that come with it. Right now, this is a pleasant moment of reflection and I am grateful for this moment in time.
My intuition tells me this what I need to do and I am trust that. My wish for you dear reader is that you are finding a sense of balance and giving yourself permission experience life as it comes without scorn or remorse for how you are coping. This is hard, but we can get through it.
J: Joy
Joy is a strength word for me because it reminds me to accept happiness as it comes without fear of loss. Being open to joy opens me up to beauty, laughter, curiosity, wonder, and awe.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and all the special women who play a positive role in the lives of others. My family was sweet to me, and I had a lovely day:
We went for a ride to Jones Beach.
Kristina picked flowers from the yard to make a homemade centerpiece for the dinner table.
I spent some time working on a jigsaw puzzle.
My favorite tulips!
Pretty flowers on a Mother’s Day walk.
Flowers welcomed me this morning in my kitchen.
I tracked everything yesterday and today. I am taking this as it comes. Even though this is difficult, I am happy with how it is going.
I: Innovate
Innovate was the first strength word to find it’s way to the page. When I innovate I am finding ways to problem-solve. Keeping this word close makes me feel like it is possible to find ways to keep at this, to find ways to keep this going so I will get back to goal.
When faced with a big challenge like weight loss giving up is seductive. It is my experience that weight loss requires such a great deal of positive energy, while dealing with all of the intermingled feelings self-doubt, and vulnerability. I wear my heart on my sleeve because everyone can tell when things aren’t going so well. I have written “Day One…” before:
Today is the first post. The first step to trying again. I have let the summer come and go without any successful weight loss. My dad used to say, “Kick yourself once and only once.”I think that’s good advice for me right now. I cannot change the past, but I can influence my future.
This journey is about choices, beliefs, planning, and empowerment – however, it is also about maintaining and losing weight. The numbers don’t define me, but they do help to focus me. Does that make sense?
It is time for a new beginning (I know, some of you may be like… again?) but yes, again. It’s the starting over that matters, it’s the pick myself up and dusting myself off that matters.
My reality is this – I’ve slipped and that morphed into a slide, and now I am on the floor staring up at the ceiling.
Me, acknowledging a problem
Time travel is a great benefit of keeping a blog or a journal. You can read your own words back to yourself and revisit your own life. What I am taking from these trips to my distant and recent past is that I am not giving up on me. Not ever. No matter how many times I have to reset and try again, I am making that conscious choice to keep at weight loss and maintaining healthy habits. If you feel like giving up on your weight loss goals, don’t. Not giving up is a choice anyone of us can make. I can do this and so can you. Let’s do this together. If you read my posts, let me know you’re out there doing this with me. Community helps a lot, because if you are struggling, at least you know you’re not alone and that will give you some strength to keep going.
H: Hope This is the perfect strength word for me to think about today. I am hopeful I can turn this around and that is a very powerful thing.
Today was a slip up but I’m not letting it move into a slide. I went over my Smartpoints and I know why. The reason, stress got the better of me. So what can I do next time?
Engage and examine where the stress is coming from
Say it out loud – I think there is something important about hearing the words
Make a different choice
That seems really simple, but maybe that is the best solution. I don’t know I will have to see when it happens again if it works. I am keeping at this, I hope you are too. We all can realize our weight loss goals if we believe in ourselves and our ability to do it. Say it with me, “I can do this.”
G: Generosity
The word generosity gives me strength (especially today) because it reminds me to be generous to myself on my weight loss journey. I find that many people in WW meetings are very generous to others but seldom show that same generous natures to themselves when they slip on plan. So today’s word was very fortuitous for me! I slipped up and ate some candy in a moment of stress. I am being generous to myself and I am going to keep going.
Getting to Goal 