It’s getting close to Halloween, and I said “No” (in my mind) to candy all day long. Then, I ate the lunch I brought with me, rather than buy lunch from the deli with my colleagues. I ended my day, shopping for a healthy dinner to prepare. I came home and cooked a healthy, reasonably pointed dinner for my family and me.
After all of this, I cleaned up and as I did so, I thought about eating the tub of Salted Caramel Enlightened Ice Cream that is in the freezer. Then I realized what was really happening, I wanted a reward. I wanted a reward for all of my efforts. The family was fed, the dishes were put away, a successful work day was behind me. I wanted something good just for me.
What do I really want? I want to reach my goal. I want to get back to Lifetime status. I want to be able to move easily with lots of energy. The last three days has been really good ones for me. I want to continue my success and get my groove back.
I have a problem though. I’m not sure if I should weigh in tomorrow. I’m not convinced that if I weigh in I won’t be discouraged when I find that my number on the scale has gone up. What should I do? I don’t know what I should do. I tried to write a pro’s and con’s list but I’m feeling stuck about that too. My feelings about it are too complex for a list. I want to be honest with myself, I want to feel like this is period of struggle was just part of my journey. Inside, that is what I believe. Then I think, well what if that number goes up a lot and then I feel defeated and demoralized? How can I recover from that?
A number does not define my success on this journey. I know that in my head, but do I believe that in my heart? I don’t want to be heartbroken tomorrow in the Moose Lodge. Standing there in stocking feet, on a (slightly) wobbly digital scale. Looking at the receptionist hoping she isn’t secretly judging me. I know she wouldn’t by the way, all the receptionists are lovely. Right now, you are listening to my lesser angels talking out of fear not reality. This is what I have to say to that, “It’s just a number. It’s just a number. It’s just a number!” I did something remarkable, Now I’m the road to doing something extraordinary because I’m in the midst of a comeback. I believe in me, and that’s why I will weigh in tomorrow. No regrets.
One last thing…
I try not repeat my blog titles, so I did a search for today’s post, and this post came up: “Beginning” It came up because I used the word, “prosperous” (pros) and “continued” (con). Funny. Then I read the post, and my own words came to my rescue.