It’s getting close to Halloween, and I said “No” (in my mind) to candy all day long. Then, I ate the lunch I brought with me, rather than buy lunch from the deli with my colleagues. I ended my day, shopping for a healthy dinner to prepare. I came home and cooked a healthy, reasonably pointed dinner for my family and me.
“No.” 
Grocery shopping for dinner after work 
“No.”
After all of this, I cleaned up and as I did so, I thought about eating the tub of Salted Caramel Enlightened Ice Cream that is in the freezer. Then I realized what was really happening, I wanted a reward. I wanted a reward for all of my efforts. The family was fed, the dishes were put away, a successful work day was behind me. I wanted something good just for me.
What do I really want? I want to reach my goal. I want to get back to Lifetime status. I want to be able to move easily with lots of energy. The last three days has been really good ones for me. I want to continue my success and get my groove back.
I have a problem though. I’m not sure if I should weigh in tomorrow. I’m not convinced that if I weigh in I won’t be discouraged when I find that my number on the scale has gone up. What should I do? I don’t know what I should do. I tried to write a pro’s and con’s list but I’m feeling stuck about that too. My feelings about it are too complex for a list. I want to be honest with myself, I want to feel like this is period of struggle was just part of my journey. Inside, that is what I believe. Then I think, well what if that number goes up a lot and then I feel defeated and demoralized? How can I recover from that?
A number does not define my success on this journey. I know that in my head, but do I believe that in my heart? I don’t want to be heartbroken tomorrow in the Moose Lodge. Standing there in stocking feet, on a (slightly) wobbly digital scale. Looking at the receptionist hoping she isn’t secretly judging me. I know she wouldn’t by the way, all the receptionists are lovely. Right now, you are listening to my lesser angels talking out of fear not reality. This is what I have to say to that, “It’s just a number. It’s just a number. It’s just a number!” I did something remarkable, Now I’m the road to doing something extraordinary because I’m in the midst of a comeback. I believe in me, and that’s why I will weigh in tomorrow. No regrets.
One last thing…
I try not repeat my blog titles, so I did a search for today’s post, and this post came up: “Beginning” It came up because I used the word, “prosperous” (pros) and “continued” (con). Funny. Then I read the post, and my own words came to my rescue.
Getting to Goal 
Good for you for recognizing your desire for a reward. How about giving yourself a reward for sticking with it that’s not food? Such as a facial, getting your nails done, a new blouse, a spa day, a something pretty that you’ve always wanted but didn’t think you could afford, some delicious tea? Throw out some old clothes you don’t wear so you’ll have an even better excuse to get something new. My favorite clothes are used Eileen fisher pieces, so you don’t have drop a bundle to be find great things.
I was in the same quandary you are about weighing it. I did anyway and I think my weigh was stable. Funny how we forget. Truth is, I’m still at lifetime but I struggle with 2-3 pounds. I’m not as honest as I should be about tracking, but I’m still at it. It’s easier to recommit to honest tracking when you’re already tracking, so I figure I’ll just keep doing my best.
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Tracking is hard, and sometimes I don’t want to face it. Although, when I track / weigh & measure my food I do feel great about it. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.
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