Day Thirty…

Summer offers three important things:

  1. Time spent outdoors: fresh air and sunshine.
  2. Lots of down time to reflect because I am on vacation.
  3. Family time, everyone’s schedules are more flexible.

This summer is different though, I’m getting physical therapy so I’m working on healing. I went this morning, and it is rough – there is a lot of pain, and I am a little disappointed at how long it’s taking to be whole again. There I go, putting some kind of clock on something that knows no schedule – it takes time, and only with time and effort will things get better for me.

I’m noticing a pattern, not just with my weight loss journey, but my whole life. I tend to put off the negative, and redirect my mental gaze to something else. I think that in some ways, this is a good strategy because it’s not healthy to dwell on the bad stuff. I really believe that is true, but I want to revise my thinking on that a bit because a little contemplation on the bad is also a healthy thing. Maybe I do have to dwell in the negative for a little while so I can wrap my hands around what is stressing me out. Like everything I keep looking for balance.

What stressed me out yesterday that preceded my binge? I had a hard time getting around at Sagamore Hill, I was in pain and I couldn’t do what I had been able to do before the accident. That was really disappointing. Then, I came home to a tree into my house, that brings with it a bunch of headaches that I’m not looking forward to dealing with. Later, I had an argument with and that just added to my overall mood. When I put that all together, I get a clearer image as to why I decided to turn off my healthy habits. Now of course, I wish I had done something else, but this is growth for me. I don’t typically sit down and examine my behavior. There is some power in this – give it a try I think it helps. Another helpful thing I did – I tracked everything I ate so I know how far in the hole I am as far as my Weeklies go and now I can work on recovery.

No matter how powerful; or successful; or brilliant; if there is an issue around weight gain there is deeper work that probably needs to be done. Teddy Roosevelt liked this portrait the best because the artist, Fedor Encke, shaved off thirty pounds. In the portrait depicts him as able to close his Rough Rider uniform, talk about filters! I think no matter who we are, a famous president, or a just a teacher from Long Island NY, we all tend to want to see ourselves as better than we are. The thing is, I am beginning to think, the real power play is for me to lean in and do the work so I own who I am so I can continue to grow and be more than who I am right now.

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