The other day I was testing incoming Kindergarteners. I asked each child to build a tower of cubes and then I had to count how many of the twelve they could balance before the tower either fell or was dismantled. One clever child put two and three cubes on the the tower at a time. She was the most efficient builder – maybe she’s a future engineer!
Finding balance is a funny thing, it’s not a permanent way of being. It’s shifting and repositioning, adjusting and pausing – finding balance requires deliberate movement and strategy. Once it is achieved it is not a permanent state of being – eventually it falls or is taken down. In many ways, we are all trying to build a tower. Our cubes to balance are health, family, career, finance, friendships, politics, charity, and so on. As we yes, or no to these things we are stacking our cubes, and our towers either stand or fall.
Lately, I have been finding it difficult to coordinate my weight loss/ maintenance goals with my life. For so long I have been able to strike the balance that has made this journey possible. What comes with that are these states of disequilibrium. There have been periods of time, like now, where I can’t seem to catch it – balance eludes me and my “tower” falls. Yesterday was the turning point, I said yes to my health so I could say no to the old habits (overeating) that used to help me deal with stress. I found my balance.
Self-discovery never looks as profound on the screen as it is in the experience but this was a profound moment. I have uncovered another facet of this journey. I was able to look at myself in a very open and objective way. In other words I saw myself free from excuses or avoidance, instead of looking away I leaned in and paid attention to what I was doing and why I was doing it. I have been overeating to avoid stress and that’s not really helping me. It’s so true that you can’t unsee something, once you know it’s there. In my case I could see the old behavior for what it was and so I was able to turn it off. I rolled over 6 SmartPoints and had a satisfying day on plan.
My last words to you today are, don’t beat yourself up. Be kind, and you should expect to see your “tower” come cashing down because striking a balance on this journey can be daunting. However, keep rebuilding because each time you do you’ll learn something new and important about who you are. You can do it, I believe in you.