Part of Me…

Mother’s Day is here and I am thinking about what it means to be a good mom. I can only go back to what I know, and what I know about mothering goes back to my own experiences with my mother. I had a great mom, and I miss her everyday. I miss her humor, her laugh, her advice, and I miss how she made me feel. Even when she was critical of my judgment I knew it coming from a place of perfect love. More often than not she was right – she was both smart and beautiful.

I don’t remember my mom taking time out to care of herself. That doesn’t mean she didn’t, it means it was not something I noticed. I hope she did practice self-care. I wish I knew more about that part of her life because, sometimes, when I find myself running for cover and trying to find time for me I feel a little guilty. Just writing that down, I know it would really have upset my mom, she wouldn’t want that for me at all. She was my faithful and absolute advocate. I just wish I had seen more of that in her.

My mother quit smoking because she promised her mom that she would, but she never achieved her own weight loss goals. If that was something she really wanted for herself (I suspect it was) then I wish she could have figured it out. We all deserve to live our lives in the body of our best selves. So as much as we can control anything in our lives the decision to eat in a healthy way and to get enough activity is something within our power. Doing it may be difficult – the thing is we have to think about if it’s worth it. Obviously, for me it is and that’s why this space exists. This blog is here to be my testimony on the journey.

Unfortunately, my mom passed away before seeing me accomplish my weight loss goal. When she died I was still struggling, so she’ll never know. That is so sad because she would have really loved knowing that I was able to accomplish this. If she were able to hear me, this is what I’d say to her,

“Mom, I did it I lost the weight. It was really hard to do, until I figured out why I wanted to do it. I’m so blessed for everything you’ve done for me because that has made me the kind of person who could do this. I love you so.”

Mother’s Day 2019

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