As I sit here snacking on the vegetable sticks I didn’t eat from lunch, looking out my dining room window into the grey twilight I’m trying not to feel too overwhelmed. You see, I am trying to think about what is really important and what’s not so important. There are so many different kinds experiences both good and bad and I find that sometimes either kind can make me feel overwhelmed. That’s how I’m feeling right now,
- I’m thinking about some big exciting professional goals. I have worked on a project for a long time, years. I have been rejected, dug in and tried again. I have worked tirelessly with the belief Ithat I have something unique to offer. Now it’s almost here, (I can’t announce it yet) and it’s a strange feeling, I’m thrilled and terrified at the same time. Sometimes standing out leaves you open to ridicule. I speak from experience because for one reason or another, since I was a kid to the woman I am today, I find myself always standing out and I feel the same uncertainty. But I keep going because I can’t let fear be my ruler.
- I’m also thinking about a person who I thought was a friend to me. I really trusted this person and it turns out I made some misjudgments about her character. She really let me down. I always seem to assume the best about people and I know how gullible that sounds. A woman I knew once told me something about myself that really hit home, it struck me because she was so wise and at the time her words really startled me because I had not myself in this way before. She said, I lead with my heart and that can get me into trouble if I’m not careful. Now I find myself in a similar situation, and I am beginning to understand it and it makes me sad. I love the idea of leading with my heart but the thing is – leading with my heart leaves me so vulnerable all the time. But I keep going and I hope a little wiser because I can’t let sadness be my ruler.
- I’m also thinking about the weekend, and how I need to take a breather. I work hard, I am very dedicated to my career. I have some big things coming up next week that are going to require a lot of care and attention. So even though it’s the weekend, there is so much work I still need to do. I’m feeling crumpled under the stress of it at the moment. It makes me feel anxious but I know if I just get started, schedule a little bit each day I will get it done. Letting it sit is what would make it worse. So I keep going because I can’t let anxiety be my ruler.
- I’m thinking about weighing in tomorrow as I work to hold onto my last big goal (oh yeah, this is a weight loss blog I lost 93 pounds). I can celebrate that I am not burying my feelings with food. I rolled over 31 points this week. I achieved my fitness goal, and I remained mindful. For example, I elected to try a bit of cinnamon bread, I ate it and really appreciated how good it tasted. Then I tracked it and didn’t go back for more. I just let it be and was happy for the experience of eating that small piece. If I ate more, it would just be more of the same taste and then I’d feel bad because I most certainly would have exceeded my healthy eating zone. That’s what maintenance is – it’s a journey and I can’t let food my ruler.
Even though my situation is the same, I feel better. Thinking through my feelings and honoring them helps. I recommend it. I think most people know that significant weight gain is seldom about cookies, chips, or candy as much as it is about coping. I think I’m better than just coping I think I can be my own ruler who understands that feelings come and feeling go it’s up to me to do what’s best. I can do it, so can you.