The emotional mind and the rational mind are like two strong-willed children who don’t always get along. Sometimes they double team me and I find myself doing my best to cull out what really matters the most between them. When this happens, I feel like a sleep-deprived mother who is trying her best to make and keep the peace.
Despite my efforts this week I went up two pounds on the scale. My emotional son greeted me with a slew of disappointment at his heals. That pang of resignation that the body does what it does and in the end, I cannot control as much as I think I can. Questions come up like: What did I do wrong? Was I really being honest about portion sizes? Followed by a made-up narrative like: People won’t believe that I really did follow the plan now that I’ve gained. I sound defensive because I didn’t get what I want.
With this swirl of emotion churning in my brain, my rational daughter cleared herself a path right in the center and began to tick items off her checklist: 1. Did you weigh and measure all your foods? Yes, check. 2. Did you meet your three time-a-week fitness goal? Yes, check. 3. Did you eat mindfully? Yes, check. She ticks through her list sounding more like a metronome clicking methodically back and forth. The voice I give her has a slight air of superiority (as if she were above all the noise that the emotional son was making). Obviously, something needs to change.
I say in my best exasperated mother’s voice.
Someone else reading this post may be like, “What’s her problem? Drama queen, it’s just two pounds.” Yes, that’s true. Someone else who is on a similar journey as me may read this post and be like, “That so sucks! It’s so unfair when you put in the work and actually gain.” Yes, that’s true. My point is this, there are so many ways to see the same exact thing. It’s all about what perspective I decide to take.
This is what else I think… I think I need to acknowledge my disappointment because I am human and no good can come of ignoring my emotions. It is unfortunate that it worked out this way for me this week. Plus, I have not sat in my free seat in a while – that makes me sad too. Even though I did my best I didn’t get what I wanted and that stinks. However, this is also an opportunity to rally. I am going to keep at this and I’m going to try some new things.
Things I’ve done so far today to help myself:
- I used the Elliptical machine at the gym to burn off some negativity.
- I attended a Yoga class because I have wanted to for a long time now.
- I thought about the good things the berries and nonfat yogurt were doing for my body as I ate.
As I close out this post, I wanted to share my new perspective on my current situation. I have decided to celebrate that I have been maintaining my weight within this “healthy” zone since November 2018. For the past three months, I have stayed in this weight zone and that feels amazing.
Maybe my body is just following its own rhythm. Who knows? One thing I do believe for sure, had I not been actively working to maintain a healthy lifestyle I could easily slip back into old habits. Old habits that would compromise my health and wellbeing.
This is the story I am telling the emotional and rational voices in my head just like tucking two children into bed. It is a story of the good winning out over the bad. That is why I will keep at this, even though sometimes it is hard to do. I will keep at this because I respect and love my body. I will keep at this because I can do amazing things. So can you. So keep at this will me. Is a journey not a destination. Thank you for reading.